JessicaRulestheUniverse.com

I got the Tom Waits album! Orphans (Brawlers, Bawlers & Bastards). See what you can get by asking for it. Tom is sober now but he’s brilliant anyway, so we know it was always him and not the drink. If you want to borrow the CDs, you’ll have to cough up a fabulous present. Additional suggestions: a portable crossbow, a hat that actually fits my head (no baseball caps), Jon Stewart (the actual Jon Stewart; I already have his books), very large hoop earrings or rings with very big flat stones (but nothing too Pacquiao), Daniel Craig, Viridiana by Luis Bunuel, Senso by Luchino Visconti, a self-cleaning kitty litter box, Amazing Disgrace by James Hamilton Paterson, and New Balance cross-trainers (I like that the “N” looks like a “Z”), girls’ size 6 or 7. I’m serious, people, gimme.