JessicaRulestheUniverse.com

No one gets a room anymore. Recent news items show that privacy and a horizontal surface are no longer required for a sexual encounter; the following spaces will do.

(1) Airline toilets. In the aftermath of the real-life hommage to Emmanuelle starring Ralph Fiennes and a flight attendant, I expect the queues for the toilets are longer than usual. Despite airline restrictions on carry-on toothpaste, deodorant, and other liquids and semi-solids. Ewww. A friend adds: Don’t bring your wallet, you might accidentally flush it. And before you indulge, consider what the atmosphere in a pressurized environment is made of.  As my publisher Ted points out: If the person in front of you is tilting in his seat, it means he’s passing gas.

(2) A cubicle in a dermatological clinic/cosmetic surgery hospital. And that’s all the space we’re going to waste on that piece of news. Sheesh why is everyone acting so shocked?

(3) A private module in an internet cafe in Peru. Health researchers in Peru have produced a report that explores the sociological links between public internet cafes (cabinas públicas) and unsafe sex — in particular, anonymous male/male encounters that take place inside the cafes.

(4) A stairwell or any convenient nook in a call center. A year ago there were reports that the plumbing in one office building had gotten clogged with used condoms. They were not used to make balloon animals.

(5) The MRT. To prevent what is quaintly referred to as “chansingan” (copping a feel) on crowded train cars, some cars are designated “for women only”. A gay friend of mine zealously enforces this rule: Every time a female gets into a packed car, he gives her a lecture about protecting her virtue. “What are you doing here!” he cries. “Go to the first car. This car is ours. Ours!”