The Gulliver Problem
Ricky goes to a music store to look for a CD.
Ricky: Do you have the album by Feist?
Salesperson: Yes sir, the Sfice Girls.
Here’s a serious topic: Who was your first crush? I thought mine was Parker Stevenson of The Hardy Boys, but that was in a giggly, “Let’s braid each other’s hair” way. The crush who actually triggered puberty was Warren Beatty, whom I saw on TV in Splendor In The Grass. I had already seen a couple of Woody Allen movies by then, and I said, “Oy.”
My gay friends’ first crushes were: Matthew Laborteaux in Little House On The Prairie, a seatmate in the second grade, Joe Hardy of The Hardy Boys—the fictional character but not Shaun Cassidy, Shaun Cassidy, the guy in James At 15, and Johnny and Scott of Sigmund and The Sea Monsters, except that we couldn’t remember which one was Johnny and which one was Scott. Then Carlo remembered that he had a crush on Gulliver in the cartoon series The Adventures Of Gulliver (only loosely based on Jonathan Swift’s opus), and it turns out we all had a crush on Gulliver. Making a cartoon character everybody’s first crush.
“Didn’t he have a love interest in that cartoon?” Ricky asked. “A tiny Lilliputian girl? What was her name?”
“Flirtatia,” I said. “You know, I worried about that relationship. I mean, how were they supposed to even kiss?”
“Me too!” everyone cried.
Later someone walked past the restaurant carrying a tiny dog and Noel asked, “What happens if a Doberman mates with a teacup chihuahua?” And everyone chorused: “Gulliver”.
Our first crush explains A Lot.
Answers to questions you might be asking, unless you wandered onto this site purely by accident >>>
January 9th, 2008 at 12:43
Incidentally, our doberman mated with a japanese spitz. Goes to show that persistence and hard work do pay off. =) She gave brith last Christmas. We’re selling the pups (they’re cute!). Anyone interested? =)
January 9th, 2008 at 12:46
Like the Mahal-Jimboy relationship. Good thing they’re eaten up by the showbiz blackhole. Wait, if Jimboy mates with Mahal, they’ll have “tiyanak na bading” for a son. And he will redefine the whole pinoy horror genre. Imagine a gay counterpart for Chakadoll. And his name would be “Chakaday”. Jezuz.
January 9th, 2008 at 13:51
This is from my aunt. She overheard this in a record store in Cubao:
Buyer: Meron kayong Free Cock?
Salesguy: Ano ho yun?
Buyer: Yung sikat na kanta.
Salesguy: Wala ho kaming Free Cock.
Buyer: Anong wala? E sikat na sikat yun wala kayo?
Salesguy: Wala ho talaga e. Pano ho ba yun?
Buyer (sings): Ahhhh… Free cock!
She was looking for Chic’s Le Freak.
First crush on TV was that girl from James at 15 with the vaguely British accent who was part of his barkada.
January 9th, 2008 at 14:11
The guy on “James at 15” was Lance Kerwin.
January 11th, 2008 at 16:35
pano pag bulldog and shitzu?
meron ba bullshit?
HMMMM
January 13th, 2008 at 12:29
Juan de la Cruz walks into a popular music store in a mall in search of hard to find CDs.
Juan: Miss, meron ba kayong mga jazz CDs o cassettes?
Miss Saleslady: Meron po. Sa CD at cassette.
Heto o, Johnny Hates Jazz.
***
JEG, thanks for sharing that anecdote (Aaaah, Free Cock!! Le Freak, Sez Chic!!). I laughed so hard I almost bumped my head on my computer monitor. A similar story happened in the distant past. I was listening to an FM radio show in which the jock airs his conversations with his listeners, be it requests or greetings or both. One day a gay caller managed to have a conversation with the jock.
Caller: Mr. DJ, puede bang mag-request?
DJ: Oh sure, what is the song you have in mind?
Caller: Yung “I Hope You Clap Your Hands”
DJ: Ooops I don’t think we have that song.
Caller: Naku sikat na sikat yung song na yun! You play it all the time!
DJ: Can you sing or hum the tune for me?
Caller: OK, ganito yun: (flirtatious singing) Oooaaaaaayywanna fall for the stars,
straight into your arms, andaaaaaaayy feel for you, I hope you clap your
hendz!
In reference to the song “Stars” by Simply Red.
January 15th, 2008 at 10:42
Buyer: Miss, do you have the Smashing Pumpkins?
Salesgirl: Sir have you tried the supermarket?
January 18th, 2008 at 17:19
My first crush was a nun. She was teaching Cathecism in OLCA when it was still ran by the Benedictine Order. Her name was Sister Lumen. The day she left to go to St. Scholastica, i was so devastated. It took me a long time to get over her. I used to fantasize about seeing her in shorts. Maybe that explains why i’m still a leg man.