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Kermit the human RSS feed showed us a video he found on the Internet of a French guy who has achieved total self-sufficiency. How shall I put this delicately? The appendage was of sufficient length as to allow subject to vacuum himself with very minimal contortion.
Bert: Wow, he’s cute And French.

Ernie: But he doesn’t need anyone.

Big Bird: He has nice eyes.

Grungella: That’s what you notice about this anatomical wonder? His eyes?

Big Bird: Do we have to watch this?

Everyone: Yes.

Big Bird: But there’s a lady present!

Grungella: The only lady here is you.

Bert: That’s Big Bird. He’s half-manang, half-manyak.

Kermit: Question. Technically that guy (in the video) is having sex with a guy. Does that make him gay?

Ernie: No, because it’s with himself.

Later I put this conundrum to Cookie Monster.

Cookie Monster: No, but it makes him a cannibal. He’s eating his own children.

Grungella: What are you, a Vatican fundamentalist?

Cookie Monster: Who’s that guy in Greek mythology who swallowed his own children?

Grungella: Cronos. Hey, nerdiness Is contagious!