JessicaRulestheUniverse.com

A Very Special Love, a Star-Viva co-production starring John Lloyd Cruz and Sarah Geronimo, is not a movie but a series of kilig (“romantic” cheap thrills) moments strung together like those pointless videoke videos. The rudimentary plot concerns an editorial assistant (Sarah) who falls in love with the publisher (John Lloyd), who seems to be suffering a lifelong killer migraine that can only be explained by the fact that the actor endorses a headache tablet. True, Tickle Me Elmo and I were 10 minutes late for the screening, so we must’ve missed something essential to our appreciation of its artistic merits. After all, it was rated A by the Film Ratings Board. One scene captured the essence of the movie for us. It’s the scene in which Dante Rivero and a weeping John Lloyd have a conversation at the cemetery.

Dante Rivero: I’m sorry for your pain.

Tickle Me Elmo: Yeah, what about my pain?

Me: Who will apologize to the audience?

An informed source tells us that based on its opening-day box office this movie is expected to gross P150 million. Which would imply that the audience wants to see this movie, that the lowest common denominator approach to filmmaking works, and that the studios are correct in their assessment of the market’s taste.

We can cite two reasons why this dreck appeals to the audience. The first is the wish fullfillment angle: the lower middle class, not particularly beautiful, spunky girl gets the rich, handsome, masungit (cranky) boy. As in all recent Star Cinema products, the poor are portrayed as warm, cuddly, and happy, while the rich are cold, stuck-up, and unhappy; this is the filmmakers’ way of consoling the audience over their lot (“At least you’re laughing, not like those rich bastards”). The second reason is John Lloyd Cruz, who fulfills the current Pinoy idea of cuteness: boyish, slightly chubby, looks like he’s going to burst into tears any minute. Meaning: He needs someone to look after him, and he’s sensitive. Whenever the thin plot is stretched to breaking, the director simply gives us another close-up of John Lloyd. 

In one sequence, Sarah finds John Lloyd suffering from a fever and she nurses him back to health. This soft-headed movie tells us that the Filipina’s fantasy is to find some cute guy and become his yaya. 

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The Mummy 3 is a waste of time. Not that the two previous Mummy movies were good, but they were dumb fun and this one isn’t. Maria Bello, a fine actress, takes over the role originated by Rachel Weisz, and she doesn’t work as a Brit or a brunette. Maybe they couldn’t find a British actress to play a British woman because all the Brits are playing Americans in Hollywood. The guy who plays Bello and Brendan Fraser’s grown-up son Alex is awful beyond belief. Jet Li as the villain and Michelle Yeoh as his nemesis have been in dozens of costume movies of this type, all of them better. The main reason to see The Mummy 3 (apart from having nothing else to do) is Brendan Fraser, who is The Daddy, even if we suspect a hair weave.