JessicaRulestheUniverse.com

As a cat I am always bored, so I follow human politics. It strikes me as bizarre that the Democrats are not ahead in the polls by 30 points, given the quality of their opponents. On one hand you have highly intelligent and accomplished persons, and on the other hand you’ve got those who graduated at the bottom of their class, who bounced from school to school, who are suspicious of books…Apparently voters want someone they can “relate” to. Do they not already face, on a daily basis, the consequences of having elected one they could “relate” to?

I have heard that cuteness of the cheerleader variety is a factor in this exercise. It is true that as a kitten I benefited greatly from my cuteness. However, picking a kitten to adopt is not the same as picking the leader of the free world. I have power over rodents and cockroaches, but the PUSA (President of the United States) has the power of war and pestilence over other countries. Keep the world safe for humans and cats. Reject mediocrity. Particularly those who hate cats, books, and cats who love books. Vote wisely.

This message was approved by Koosalagoopagoop Galadriel Ivanisevic Visconti-Sforza O’Brien. Does your cat have a catty political statement? Send picture and statement to urban.matthias@gmail.com.