JessicaRulestheUniverse.com

Went to the Quantum of Solace premiere. Phones, cameras, laptops had to be checked at the lobby because not only was it the Philippine premiere, but the movie doesn’t open in the US until late next week, so Columbia Pictures was worried about piracy.

My main concern was that the movie would be so terrific I’d have to review it in my column pronto, and I’d already written my column for the week. Well Quantum is not bad, but not Crank-out-a-column-right-now good. It helps if you remember the plot and ending of Casino Royale. In Quantum of Solace—a title they are contractually obligated to use, I think, as part of their deal with the Ian Fleming estate, because face it, would you use that title if you had a choice—James Bond is hunting down the members of the secret organization who had used the late Vesper Lynd to get to him. He’s also hunting down the Algerian boyfriend that the organization used to get to Vesper Lynd. And an environmentalist who looks like Roman Polanski. Along the way he meets a stunning Bolivian who’s using the Polanski lookalike to get to the evil dictator who killed her family. And he makes up with his former associate Mathis whom he’d turned over to the organization to be tortured, and someone tries to kill M, which apparently stands for “Mummy”.

There is a big action sequence set in a different country (introduced by a different typeface) every five minutes, but instead of being thrilled to death the audience is thrilled into a coma. The only joke in the movie is that Bond can’t find a link to the organization without killing him. After the upteenth corpse viewers start drifting off and ceasing to care, although I am always amazed when 007 steals a stranger’s evening clothes and they fit perfectly. Daniel Craig is insanely hot, but the producers have decided that he cannot be campy or even funny so there are no great lines to repeat. Everyone is so dead serious you actually wish Roger Moore would make a cameo, and that’s not something you’d wish on a movie. I firmly believe that all James Bond themes should be sung by Dame Shirley Bassey.

 

Ako ay nagkukubli dahil kakausapin na naman ako ng mga dayuhan at bagama’t sila’y marunong naman at madalas purihin ang aking bansa’y hindi ko nais marinig kung ano sa palagay nila ang dapat gawin ng mga Pilipino. Akala nila’y nauunawaan nila ang Pilipinas dahil ilang taon na silang namamalagi rito, nguni’t dahil nga sila’y bisita ang nakikita lamang nila ay ang kagandahan na para sa mga turista. Hindi ako nagpunta rito para ipaliwanag ang kasaysayan ng Pilipinas. Sa lahat ng ayaw ko ay yaong mga dayuhan na nais tayong sagipin mula sa ating mga sarili. Kung may sasagip sa atin ay walang iba kundi tayong mga Pilipino. At tuwing makakita sila ng magandang bagay o tanawin, o makatikim ng masarap na pagkain, tatlong oras nila itong pag-uusapan sa kanilang malalakas na boses. Ano ba sa Tagalog ang “patronize”? Lingid sa kanilang kaalama’y ito ang ginagawa nila. 

O baka nagkataon lamang na madaldal sila at masyadong mahilig sa tunog ng kanilang sariling tinig. Kakagatin ko na lamang ang aking dila at hindi ko sila tatanungin kung bakit tuwing ako’y nakakausap ng kanilang kababayan ako’y inaantok, o kung mayroon silang “cellar”. Magsitigil kayo, ako’y nagbabakasyon!

Magaling akong mag-Tagalog, ang hindi ko maatim ay “Taglish”.

And have many, many, many more. Yeah, it’s a terrible burden, having to write the soundtrack of our lives, but you can do it.

Ely’s Happy Music Playlist:

1. “For a dose of cheer, the Ramones can’t be beat (the KKK, beating on brats with baseball bats, sedation).”
2. “Indie band Of Montreal’s “Hissing Fauna” album will make you giddy all over.”
3. “Have you ever heard a sad disco song?  Thought so.  That’s why the Saturday Night Fever Soundtrack is always good for a rainy day.”
4. “For the ultimate in laughs, though, Tito, Vic and Joey’s Tough Hits can’t be beat.”
5. “To cap it all, I listen to the Schindler’s List Theme to remind me how lucky I am not to have experienced the Holocaust. Now that’s a happy thought.”

Japanese man petitions to marry comic-book character

TOKYO (AFP) —A Japanese man has enlisted hundreds of people in a campaign to allow marriages between humans and cartoon characters, saying he feels more at ease in the “two-dimensional world.”

Comic books are immensely popular in Japan, with some fictional characters becoming celebrities or even sex symbols. Marriage is meanwhile on the decline as many young Japanese find it difficult to find life partners.

Taichi Takashita launched an online petition aiming for one million signatures to present to the government to establish a law on marriages with cartoon characters. Within a week he has gathered more than 1,000 signatures through the Internet. “I am no longer interested in three dimensions. I would even like to become a resident of the two-dimensional world,” he wrote.

“However, that seems impossible with present-day technology. Therefore, at the very least, would it be possible to legally authorise marriage with a two-dimensional character?”

My thoughts:

Many humans are already cartoons.

A human – cartoon character relationship could never be ruined by arguments over closet space or uncapped toothpaste tubes. They could live happily ever after on the side of a building.

I knew someone with a crush on Cyclops from X-Men. Not the movie, the comic book.