JessicaRulestheUniverse.com

Bert gave me a set of postcards featuring cats doing yoga. “Clearly the wonders of Photoshop,” I snorted, “Or hallucinogens.” I cannot imagine cats following directions. Even if they were inclined to play along, they would consider it an affront to their dignity.

Still, I began trying to coax my cats into doing the contortions. Koosi, the eldest, would have none of it. This look says, “How dare you walk around with your head higher than mine.” Then she bit my toes.

Saffy assumes vaguely yogic positions when she is trying to reach spots on her back. She spends several hours a day grooming herself. Not only is she excessively well-groomed, but for someone coated in her own drool, she smells like freshly-baked bread.

Mat often thinks he is human and prefers to lie on his back.

When Mat was still living outdoors he would come in for meals and naps on the couch. After a couple of hours, he would indicate that he wanted to go out by pushing against the front door with his head. This is how he got the nickname “Grond”, after the fearsome wolf’s head battering ram that the orcs use to break down the gates of Minas Tirith in The Return Of The King. Mat lives entirely indoors now, and when he hears the chant of “Grond! Grond! Grond!” he runs to the room and lies down.

Do your cats strike funny poses? Email their photos to urban.matthias@gmail.com. Best Pose wins a copy of How To Live With A Neurotic Cat.

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Our yogi in training:

Maximus

Lala

Sandra

Sonchai

Tinay

Boogie

KayCee

Mela

Mimi

Mimiw

Tonton

Cathy

Charlie

Chichi

Kyo

Mushy

Naruto

Ohfudgegravity

Snowie

Tabzy

Toru

Chairman Meow

Muning & Mary

These late entrants didn’t make the deadline:

Muymuy

Figaro

One thing I know about people with cats: they take too many pictures. Send more.