That’s So Funny I Forgot To Laugh
On my way to UP for the premiere of Kinatay I received a text joke.
‘Carlo Caparas named National Artist for Visual Arts and Film.’
Hahahahaha, I replied.
Then I remembered where I am.
I’m in the Philippines where the bizarre is ordinary and the ordinary is bizarre.
So I checked. It is not a joke. It is the Ultimate WhattheFuck.
All this week I’ve been blue for no particular reason. I thought I was depressed. This news snapped me right out of whatever funk I was in. My non-problems are nothing compared to this Cosmic Absurdity.
So thank you, Malacanang. You have banished my ennui and replaced it with full-blown Insanity.
Art is Shit. Shit is Art. Mediocrity is Excellence. To quote the bomba star Stella Strada’s suicide note, It’s a crazy planets!
*****
Our friend Noel Orosa is returning to Manila Friday after a year in KL. Hey Noel, Carlo Caparas is a National Artist now. Welcome home, bitch.
Answers to questions you might be asking, unless you wandered onto this site purely by accident >>>
July 30th, 2009 at 20:51
Uh oh, there goes the neighborhood. Lord, have mercy!
July 30th, 2009 at 22:20
The news was a major WTF moment for me too.
July 31st, 2009 at 00:36
LOL, completely made my day too. oh, i take that back. that made my entire week! LOL
July 31st, 2009 at 09:38
Pitoy, Carlo and Cecille as NA is a na na. They says they are SNAG – Singit na Artist ni Gloria.
Someone walk us through with what Pitoy, Carlo and Cecille REALLY DID for this country’s art and culture and people and if we see something along the path worthy of an NA Award, i will NAT comment again.
July 31st, 2009 at 10:25
I heard this on the news and they named about seven persons who received the guerdon, but only one name stuck to my craw. When it was mentioned I totally forgot about all the others and wanted to hurl and smash things. On the bright side, this just means I can get myself named national artist. Or my neighbor. Or me and my neighbor.
Also, there’s been a fuss going on about Dolphy not getting approved.
July 31st, 2009 at 10:43
Sabi nga ni Carlos Celdran, “I do not want to become a National Artist. It was once a dream. But now its gone.”
July 31st, 2009 at 14:38
wikipedia has this about Carlo Caparas:
He has 8 children (Citadel,Krishna,Smith,Jan,Kay,CJ,Peach). From different women. Although that is a fact, he has a stable family now, composed of 2 of his youngest children- CJ,18, and Peach,14, along with his most beautiful counterpart, Miss Donna Villa(Born- Marian Patalinjug). She, according to well known and respected Filipinos, is the most beautiful actress that has ever graced the silver screen. Although they do not live in anonymity, their privacy is respected. Many people call him Burger King, because he is. He was titled Burger King for his hard work in making great Whoppers. They believe that he is graced by different gods, because of his amizing talents. He is also known and respected for having the best Rags to Riches story. After barely having anything to eat he grew tired of being at the bottom of the food chain and finally took charge of his life. After seezing a writing opportunity his career took off from there. We praise him for being one of the greatest writers, biggest directors, best fathers, and being the most amazing survivors this world has come to know. He has turned down many Hollywood offers. What’s better than being in Hollywood and living the rich and famous lifestyles? That would be rejecting it. How big is he to reject such an offer? He is big enough to not be blinded by fame and fortune. “Wala na akong ibang masasabi kung di gusto ko talagang maging katulad ng tatay ko balang araw.(I have nothing more to say but I wish to become somewhat like my father one day).” A personal quote from his youngest daughter Ysabelle Peach P. Caparas ( March 3,1993). Carlo J. Caparas was born in a very big family. Composed of 7 other siblings and in the poorest household. A true example of a match stick family. He used to beg on the streets of Main Roads around “Pasig”(A place in the Philippines). Just as the story goes he made it big starting small. Although he has surpassed the Middle Ages, he is yet to conquer the Age Of Apocalypse. He remains very active for a man of such age. Even a man of many stories, he has never been made tomfoolery of. He is respected so much by various editors that they never try to bring down the man that they built up.
from an old entry (now edited) about CP –> http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Carlo_J._Caparas&oldid=183236760
July 31st, 2009 at 17:00
Inggit lang kayo mga artistes! Kung medyo tumagal ang kasikatan ng Ocho Ocho, baka maging National Artist in Dance si Bayani. Malay natin! Crazy planets, indeed.
July 31st, 2009 at 20:54
Gloria never seezis to amizi me.
July 31st, 2009 at 21:32
Wow… Crazy planets indeed!
That old Wikipedia entry suspiciously sounds like it came straight from Carlo’s personal diary. His next project should be a biopic about himself. Something in the vein of Being There or Forrest Gump. Only… I’m afraid he’ll just screw it up and end up with Plan 9 from Outer Space.
July 31st, 2009 at 23:02
This guy is big in Pasig,he has a street named after him. He directed the “marvelous” TV series “Pangarap Kong Lotto” or whatever the title is. He discovers obscure people,puts them in his shows,coaches their “acting” (mainly staring into space,gazing faraway,or delivering a line in the most putridly forced manner) he must have a full stable of these “actors” somewhere in his kitchen cupboard. After EDSA Dos, I actually watched the Chavit Singson biopic (expecting the worst, and was not disappointed,hehe) starring Cesar Montano and which Caparas directed. Some unknown robot like guy played Ninoy Aquino in that film- the Aquino family should have sued. Caparas made the guy say stupid lines like “Chavit,ako si Ninoy,kaibigan mo ako matagal na ngunit kalaban ko si Marcos,etc.etc,etc.”. Yah,like Cesar’s character doesn’t know his long time friend Ninoy in a face to face conversation that he has to introduce himself to him? Perhaps Caparas must think his audience so dumb so as not to know who this guy was playing,he actually made the character introduce himself to them ? Well maybe i am dumb…for even watching that crap.
August 1st, 2009 at 23:49
Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
August 3rd, 2009 at 00:52
Unfortunately, that would mean he is of the same level as Rolando Tinio, Fernando Amorsolo, and the like. Things have changed, when I was 6, McGyver, The A-Team, etc. were the kind of shows that were flooding the local screen, and now, there’s nothing but a long list of telenovelas with lousy directors, lousy scripts, lousy actors who speaks with a standard template of singsong intonation. Well that’s what the majority of the “masang pilipino” really wanted. I was just an average student back in high school with no honors, and still consider myself mediocre until I came across with a number of resumes from new graduates. No wonder why companies only accepts “graduates from reputable universities” because one time, there was this resume from a…WOW! cum laude from a rural university, and under the “Strengths and other qualifications” of her resume says: “She stands 5’3″ tall, with long black hair, black eyes, weighs 110 lbs, a Filipino,..blah blah (and everything under her personal data converted into a paragraph)” her father is decease. Well, there were also some resumes which has a problem with capitalizing proper nouns, and some don’t use any capital letters at all, even in her name, because it’s her first time to write a resume. (Oh, geez I’m so sorry!) AnD tHeRe ArE sOmE wHo NeVeR hEsItAtEd using it. Career Objective: To be a computer science… To persevere and level up my career. I am alwayz.. I mean always fuming when reading those. These things made me feel like an Oxford graduate or like my old school principal when red with anger. What the hell is happening? I turned on the tv to see Carlo Caparas named as National Artist. Geez no wonder why some middle class and most lower class kids can’t write. There was this indie film director who wasted an hour trying to “improve” a bulilit actor’s singsong habit when speaking his lines. Anyway, after Carlo Caparas, I’m already waiting for Manny Pacquiao to be hailed as a National hero. This is such a crazy planets!–that’s what somebody get from being absent when singular and plural nouns are being taught in kindergarten.
August 3rd, 2009 at 11:16
I can’t say I’m surprise by this.
My boss was someone on the Committee for Libraries and Information Services, Sub-commission on Cultural Heritage on the NCCA a few years back. The boss who I have never seen read a book, who thinks all “pocketbooks are fiction”, and the same boss who asked me if Teo T. Antonio’s book entitled Ornamentals was a book about ornamental plants. WTF indeed!