The Rolex Greenbelt 5 Robbery Conspiracy Theory Contest!
Rolex occupies a strange place in Philippine history. In 1972 before President Ferdinand Marcos declared martial law, he handed out Rolex watches to the members of his inner circle.
On October 19, 2007, an explosion at Glorietta Mall killed eleven people and injured over a hundred. The real cause of that explosion has never been made clear. Some say it was a bomb, some say it was a biogas explosion—literally crap blowing up.
On October 18, 2009, a day short of the second anniversary of the Glorietta blast, armed men attack the Rolex store at another Ayala establishment, Greenbelt 5.
Coincidence? Maybe.
Material for a hell of a Conspiracy Theory? Absolutely!
Yes, this is the Rolex Greenbelt 5 Robbery Conspiracy Theory Contest! Post your Conspiracy Theory in Comments before the end of the week. The most convoluted and all-encompassing Conspiracy Theory wins a prize!
Who were the armed men in military Bomb Squad uniforms who robbed the Rolex store in Greenbelt 5 on October 18, 2009?
Photo: A great conspiracy theory novel—Gravity’s Rainbow.
A. A military Bomb Squad
B. Robbers pretending to be a military Bomb Squad
C. A military Bomb Squad pretending to be robbers pretending to be a military Bomb Squad
D. A military Bomb Squad which had received reports of “something ticking at the Rolex store”
E. Some guys on their way to a costume party who wanted to see if their costumes would fool anyone
F. Members of the Roger Federer Fans Club who wanted the same watch The Fed has (Although the store claims no actual Rolex watches were taken, just “cheap” Tudor watches).
G. Henchmen of a political candidate raising funds for the 2010 elections AND rehearsing what they’re going to do to the Filipino people once their candidate gets elected.
H. Method actors researching their roles in an upcoming indie movie—each one was carrying a handheld camera.
I. Post your very own Conspiracy Theory right here!
The truth is in here.
Answers to questions you might be asking, unless you wandered onto this site purely by accident >>>
October 19th, 2009 at 16:34
It was staged by Globe employees coerced by management to distract you from lambasting their ingenious product. Just a thought.
I will completely understand if this comment is not published.
October 19th, 2009 at 18:59
The 2007 Glorietta explosion was done so that insurance will have to pay (thats why everyone’s sticking to the wet-fart-&-dry-shit-blew-up-the-building xcuse) for the cost of demolishing that part of Glorietta in order to give way to the eventual construction of a High Rise “sosyal” hotel apartment (because Binay is out to make Makati a 3rd world playground for the 1st world rich) which rose months after the dead victims of the explosion were buried. the owner of the hotel apartment is a rich arab prince dude & his arab investor friends who secretly owns the company who is developing the hotel. they are also die-hard James Bond fans.
the arab dudes & the prince – as a thank you to binay for making smooth all the govt paperwork required for their hotel business – assures binay of their financial support come 2010.
binay, who has all his money invested on his campaign that he has nothing to give the arab dudes & prince, asks his men to come up with a thank-you Christmas gift basket for the arab dudes.
discovering that Rolex was the watch of choice in all of James Bond’s movies – & because Binay has no more money – the men storm their way lunch time to the greenbelt 5 rolex store & hauled every rolex they could find.
unfrtunately, taguig mayor & his men knew of binay’s plan & wants to foil it. (because he wants taguig to be the next Makati) so they go lunching in the same area & sensing the commotion does the appropriate heroics.
the rest is yesterday’s news.
October 19th, 2009 at 20:36
It’s all part of a Grand Retaliation against the elitistas by Carlo Caparas and Freddie Aguilar. Aguilar hates anything imported, and Caparas hates anything he can’t pronounce properly.
The two met in some pub where they randomly blurted out their frustrations, an act that would spell instant friendship. That friendship would start the Grand Retaliation.
At that moment, Caparas had in his mind his greatest idea yet: exploding crap! Aguilar, the more logical of the two, began devising a plan to retaliate against the elitistas, that accursed upper class so defined by their English-speaking penchant and that shining, expensive Rolex. Caparas, who understood it immediately, loved the idea.
It so happened that a young girl named Gloria Macapagal was somewhere in her father’s estate. She was bitter at having to leave the luxurious life she was living in Malacanang. This bitterness would reach its chance at redemption when she would make the acquaintance of none other than Caparas, who told her everything about the Grand Retaliation. But this was years after Marcos died. So, with the non sequitur that defines our society, the grudge fell on Rolex, the watch-brand that so symbolized her father’s electoral defeat.
Caparas hated Rolex for its being symbolic of the elitista, Aguilar hated it for being “foreign” and Gloria hated it for being the watch Marcos endorsed. You get the picture.
But where do the Ayalas come in? Well, another participant in the Grand Retaliation would enter: Kris Aquino. This Philippine princess who never ceases to tell any foreigner that her father is on the nation’s currency is secretly insecure with the Ayalas. Who can blame her? Good looking and highly successful, the Ayalas are noted for being cultured and are at the top of society. She, despite the illustrious surname, is after all still just that pale little girl who Ninoy brought around with him. Kris is in a social arms race, and bringing down any competition will really help. She thus acquires two trump cards in Volting-in with the conspirators: connections with the president and links with the populace-adored Caparas and Aguilar. And besides, Caparas has a video record of the “I Wanted to Crush It” issue in action, so it was best to join.
October, 2007. The first part of the Grand Retaliation took effect. Glorietta exploded, and the Ayalas were spited. It was with the orchestration of Caparas, and the help of his something-thousand alalays who kindly provided the feces to cause the explosion that the “explosive” prelude to the GR succeeded. “The Elitistas Massacre: Holy Shit!”
Then, this month, the Rolex incident occurred. a few weeks before that, Aquino met with several Kris-tians. In this meeting, she casually said “Rolex is so hindi na maganda. Mas-pretty na man ‘tong watch ni Oprah di ba?” The devout cult-followers gladly took the hint and proceeded to planning on how to heist a Rolex chain, all in the name of Kris Aquino, who is God incarnated.
I am warning JAZA, Jun Lozada, Butch Dalisay, Lito Camo and of course, Jessica Zafra to be careful. A staged cou d’etat should be anticipated, one that will give Gloria the reason to declare Martial Law. The Congress? They’d all be bribed by Kris, brainwashed by Aguilar’s music or by Caparas’ movies to accept the suspension of the Writ of Habeas Corpus.
Doesn’t make sense? Hey, we’re in the Philippines!
October 19th, 2009 at 21:18
A group of furious Swiss watchmakers commissioned some crooks from the Philippine police department to get some samples of fake Rolex watches being sold in Manila, after hearing bad rumors that these “Rolex watches” were, in fact, made in China.
October 21st, 2009 at 00:03
There can only be one explanation for everything…
Aliens.
Rolex watches are priced that way not because of the gold component nor the diamonds that are embedded on it. It’s because of an important core component called Rolexion.
Rolexion is a powerful element used to power Alien Technology and over the years Rolex has been a secret company stealing this powerful element from the Aliens. The Aliens are obsessed with Schedule so they planned it every October 18. However this year they got late due to climate change.
Last year it was a great way for them to cause a diversion while they searched for the Rolexion. This year they found it and have already planned the most complex of strategies to obtain the much needed element. So with their supreme alien intelligence they break in and try to obtain the precious Rolexion. They were supposed to carry out the task as quickly as possible before their supply of Rolexion would be depleted.
The next time you want to find out if a Rolex watch is genuine or fake, pass your cellphone over it. Your screen will go crazy then that is the strong emission from Rolexion.
October 21st, 2009 at 18:53
The true cause of the Oct. 19, 2007 blast was neither a terror attack nor exploding shit. The culprit: a possessed Chinese time traveler whose timer got screwed up.
On Oct. 18, 2009, he sent out his goons to retrieve a secretly smuggled magical timepiece made by a coerced Swiss-timekeeper. Unfortunately, there was mix up and the timepiece delivered to him was the wrong one. Instead of diamond embedded Rolex, it was a knock-off made of cubic zirconium made from his home-province. His time-machine was secretly located in an abandoned Chinese restaurant in Glorrieta.
He was too eager to test his time machine and forgot to consult his runes. He decided to go back in time, an hour earlier–12 noon to be exact. “18 October 2009: 12:00†Unaware of the screw up, he inserted the timepiece and used his Globe Tattoo Plug-in as a key to his time machine. The time machine started humming and churning like a Peking duck roasting on an open flame. Ka-blam!!
After the blinding light rescinded, the time traveler looked at his time piece and gasped at what he saw. “18 October 2007 01:20â€. He thought of the various possible reasons for the screw-up- daylight savings, leap year, etc. He lamented his negligence. Then the machine started shaking and the smell of burnt hair floated about. The time traveler tried to reach for the key when he suddenly realized the root of his crisis. He unplugged it and plug it back in. Suddenly, that familiar voice blurted- “you do not have enough prepaid credit left in your account …†Without warning, the time-machine went on self-destruct. Puff!!
Guess whose ghost possessed the lowly buchi maker.
October 22nd, 2009 at 02:46
five men. mr. white was elvis, the king himself. mr. orange was jfk. mr. blonde was princess di. mr. pink was of course michael jackson. the one that got killed, mr. brown, was… the holy grail. dan brown hired them and gave them their false names. the rolex watches were to be melted and fashioned into an altar for the golden buddha.
October 22nd, 2009 at 23:40
It all started with Jose Rizal.
Back when he was in Europe, Jose Rizal joined an anthropological society in order to fully understand the behavior and interests of people from different backgrounds. See, he had a vision of ruling the world. From this group of people, he gathered the wealthiest ones, and created a secret order, the Rizal Order. Most of the members were jewellers and the group had decided to identify themselves by wearing special watches. (This is why Ibarra was a jeweler named Simoun)
With the goal of uniting the whole world under one organization, Jose Rizal instructed the members, or the executives as they prefer to call themselves, to penetrate the governments of different countries and to create subgroups, or local organizations in countries that had yet to have a local government. The regular members of these organizations would not know about the Rizal Order until the group has the command of the country that they occupy. This is why he created the La Liga Filipina.
When Rizal was executed, the group still managed to live on. New members, mostly from the jewellers circle, joined the group. In 1905, Hans Wildorf became a member of the Rizal Order.
In 1907, rumors regarding the existence of the group, with their trademark watches, surfaced. The members decided that the similar watches is no longer ideal and that they should rather inscript a logo or a name on different looking watches, thus Hans Wildorf was assigned to register a brand name that would identify the members or the Executives. They decided to go with ROLEx which stood for Rizal Order Lead Executives and so Hans Wildorf registered Rolex on 1908.
Over the course of the century, the Executives tried and again to achieve their goal of world domination. They were behind Hitler’s mind-control scheme of having only one superior race and the different dictators such as Marcos.
When Marcos wanted to declare Martial Law to get a hold of the country, he had to let his inner circle into the Rizal Order so that they would understand his intentions. This is why he gave them Rolex watches.
Due to the rise of fake Rolex watches, and the growing number of members, the Executives put in tracking devices instead to a number of the most expensive Rolex watches. These watches would be able to identify other wristwatches with tracking devices thus letting the executives identify one another.
A few years ago, rumors about the existence of the group resurfaced and last year another rumor got the attention of the Order. The group had learned of an unidentified local group in the Philippines that focused on locating and executing the members of the Order. Because of this, the Order was on high alert. Since the watches are trackable, the Order was prompted to secure the Rolex watches and stores with hidden security personnel.
The unidentified group was said to be the one responsible for the bombing last year. They had gotten one of the Rolex watches with the tracking devices and had planned to take out one of the members of the Order. They failed during this attempt.
The robbery last October 19 took place because the group had lost the Rolex watch with the tracking system when Ondoy hit the country. They needed another watch but had lost a considerable amount of money due to the typhoons. With the money they had, they were unable to buy a Rolex watch with the tracking system thus prompting them to steal the watches instead. They decided to attack a store during mall hours because it was easier. See, the stores in malls are heavily guarded most of the time but due to the public, are only guarded by a number of covered operatives during mall hours. The two “escorts” are the ones on duty when the robbery took place. Since the Order had several officials like the Taguig mayor in their disposal, they were able to hide the real cause of the robbery.