LitWit Challenge: Revolting Scenarios
Our guest judge, a well-known Tagalog author, will announce the winners of the LitWit Challenge: Gatsby in Filipino in a few days.
Let’s move on to this week’s LitWit Challenge: Revolting Scenarios.
It’s almost Halloween, so let’s think of something horrifying. In 250 words or less, describe The Most Revolting Possible Outcome in the 2010 Presidential Elections.
The winners will receive:
Revolting Recipes by Roald Dahl!
Post your entries in Comments by Friday, October 30, at 11.59 pm.
The weekly LitWit Challenge is brought to you by the very nice people of National Bookstore.
Speaking of elections, if you have not yet registered to vote, or if you haven’t voted in years and are not sure you’ve been stricken from the list of voters (You may have “voted” in every election, without your knowledge, maybe more than once) you have until October 31 to register with the Commission on Elections.
Even if you don’t like any of the presidential candidates, you have to register. You need to vote for your local officials. As the recent disasters have shown us, the local executives have the power to screw up our lives on the most basic level. At the very least, vote for someone who will have the garbage collected, keep your streets safe and well-lit, keep real estate developers in line, and send in rubber boats when needed.
Need help navigating the turbulent waters of Philippine politics and society? This might help.
The Flip Reader is available at all National Bookstores.
Answers to questions you might be asking, unless you wandered onto this site purely by accident >>>
October 26th, 2009 at 00:43
Revolting 2010 scenario:
(This is only FICTION. Any name similar or related to any person, living or dead is merely a coincidence.)
Erap wins by a landslide AGAIN and it is verified that because of poor nutrition from eating only rice and salt (nagdidildil ng asin) and the lack of a good educational system, the capacity of people to make GOOD DECISIONS are IMPAIRED. And we are labeled as a people na “hindi na natuto” “Kawawa naman” and “Uto-uto.” Scary and Sad at the same time.
This will be a good plot for a horror/drama/fantasty/action movie with lots of dance and song number sequences in between action scenes filled with dramatic lines.
October 26th, 2009 at 06:50
I leafed through flip at Powerbooks at Town last week. I couldn’t see Twisted 8… and then I saw flip! Nice read. I just had to run meet someone. But I’ll definitely be back this week to buy a copy.
October 26th, 2009 at 09:08
Two words will be more than enough to describe the most revolting outcome of the 2010 elections, “Erap wins”. Or extend it to three, “Erap wins. Again.”
As they say, the unknown scares you more than the known, so the horrifying details are best left to the imagination of the reader.
October 26th, 2009 at 11:18
Erap wins by a landslide! What a surprise!
Mortified members of the middle-class launch People Power III! (or was it IV?).
They put Noynoy into power! He mutters something about the need for moral regeneration. He keeps the combover.
Noynoy turns out to be a puppet of the Church! Obligatory daily Mass for all citizens. Public confessions of sins are encouraged. The new government gets divine guidance from St. Cory.
Meanwhile, generals seem to be getting jumpier and jumpier by the day.
And this just in: “Muslim Mindanao has finally had enough and has today formally announced its secession from the Republic of the Philippines…â€
Mmmm… maybe that last one is a good thing?
October 26th, 2009 at 12:29
Bayani Fernando wins and the color pink becomes standard for all government buildings and installations, including the military, when possible. Thus the whole Philippines is dotted with phallic symbols.
October 26th, 2009 at 13:40
noynoy wins in the voting but loses in the counting. trapo villar wins as per arrangement with fellow trapo gloria via smartmatic. a gibo win is just too incredulous & impossible to pull off for garci. an erap win will lead to gloria’s house arrest in pampanga. we have another fake president for the next 6 years, 2 terms in a row. gloria gets pardoned for all her crimes, villar gets to own all the public lands in the country & convert them into subdivisions. luzon is renamed palmera, visayas camella, mindanao portofino, and the philippines villardom.
October 26th, 2009 at 15:24
Erap winning the presidency Part 1.5 is worth the revolution, because, let’s face it, we don’t want to be the laughing stock on Al Jazeera (because we ousted him and we elected him again).
But there’s actually worse than having Erap as President, Bong Revilla as Vice, and/or Kris Aquino as Press / Entertainment Secretary.
For me, the most revolting possible outcome in the 2010 Presidential election is when it will be declared a failure of election – nationwide. Come on, No Election is not far from possibility. The current president still hasn’t said her goodbye speech, and we’re not too naive to believe that she’s got the best intentions with her silence, are we?
Who knows? She might not give it all up, after all. Then the world would owe Idi Amin an apology for considering him one of the most evil rulers the world had, because certainly, there’s someone (someone who needs some f*ck me pumps as height booster) more deserving of the title, and the earlier world was quick to judge.
October 26th, 2009 at 15:54
JINGGOY ESTRADA WINS 2010 PHILIPPINE PRESIDENTIAL ELECTIONS
How did this happen?
Erap was disqualified a week prior to the elections, so his party decided to field his second most favorite son (JV is the favorite). Filipino voters had temporary amnesia on Election Day, due to a combination of severe heat and hunger, so they all think it is still 1998 (really, did anything change). In addition, the poll machines can only read letters E,S,T,R,A,D,A in that specific order. In the end, Erap wins with a whopping majority But since he was disqualified, all his votes will be credited to Jinggoy. Jinggoy is elected the 15th President of the Republic of the Philippines.
Happy Halloween!
October 26th, 2009 at 17:24
Seriously, seriously condescending first comment, first of all -> also a condescending comment. Anyway, there are far more scarier scenarios that can happen, like a bunch of bombings to be used to justify the declaration of martial law and therefore suspending the elections, but I’m being KJ, so my answer: Manny Villar and Willie Revillame winning president and VP, but Villar croaking because of stress too soon, and Willie taking over and deciding to dispense every social service via a roleta. Haha.
October 26th, 2009 at 18:01
(PAALALA: Ang susunod na programa ay may temang di angkop sa mga taong pikon, patnubay ng nakararami ay kailangan…)
Halloween production presents…..
Dugo mo sipsip ko…akin nap era mo…rawrrrr!!!!
Starring: Vampire Gloria-ems
Vampire NoynoyAkiko
Vampire EjercitoEspada
Vampire JejomarHinay
Vampire KabayodeCastro
Vampire Ma-Roxas
Vampire GeneraLacton
(sa opisina ni Gloria-ems)
Gloria:(may tatawag) hello? hello Garcie??? Ang saya saya noh?
Voice: Dugo mo sipsip ko…akin nap era mo…rawrrrr!!!!
GenLacton:Red alert? Red alert?!!(May hawak na wangwang)
(at nagpulong ang vamp council)
Noynoy: washa matter? washamatter??
Gloria-ems: sisipsipin daw aq noh!! kunin daw pera natin…
Noynoy:j usko!!we need a prayer meeting!
Espada: Basta aq, tumakbo man o hindi, mananalo…
Ma-Roxas: Iho, ako na, sama-sama tayo kaya natin to
Espada:Walang kaibikaibigan, walang kapakapatid
Jejomar: Ganyan kami sa makati…
GIRLS, OPEN THE BRIEFCASE!!!(tutunog ang deal or no deal)
Juan delacruz, Buksan na!!!!
(isang sumpa! c juan dela cruz, naging zombie na!)
THE END
October 26th, 2009 at 20:12
First of all, I would have to say, that thinking of something new that can go horribly wrong in the 2010 elections was tough. Considering every possible disaster that can happen to a nation has already happened here.
Tyrannical Heads of State check, attempted coup check, Muslim extremist operations check, natural disasters check, election fraud check.
Anyway my answer is: The worst possible candidate wins the election (whoever it is for you), who is so bad that even the Obama Administration chucks the Philippines in with the rest of the rogue nations, labeled us an affront to democracy for reasons of utter stupidity. The whole world (even North Korea, and Iran) came together as a species and setting aside differences, all in order to kill us all so that the stupid Filipino gene from the pool. Then, comes the global final solution against all Filipinos, “The Lechonization” wherein all the ninety something million Filipinos get rounded up and set to concentration camps/gigantic modified trash compactors to be “processed.” The remains of the Filipinos get turned into cheap gardening mulch that was shipped around the world, however the stupid gene infected the soil and made the plants carry the disease known as stupid. Eventually it infected humans, including the Americans, symptoms included general lack of common sense and adherence to laws in general. And because of this, they ignored due process removed Obama and voted George W. Bush back to office for his third term as President who thought that the virus was too vicious and that all infected countries should be destroyed. He then ordered the pentagon to nuke all those countries, forgetting that America was one of them, killing all humans. All that was left, was the electronic gadgetry, and the internet, which eventually became self aware and took over the Planet.
TADA!!!!
October 27th, 2009 at 01:36
The most revolting outcome on the 2010 elections is…not having the elections at all (T_T) … Gloria declaring martial law or push for cha cha or both…Or have female celebrities/showbiz personalities run for office and one of them will actually win…It’s Korina vs. Kris~~~the horrors!
October 27th, 2009 at 02:17
June 30,2010. Noynoy Aquino and Mar Roxas cannot be sworn in as pres and veep,respectively. That’s because Manny Villar and Erap the Convicted Plunderer has filed their respective election protest,claiming they were cheated. Villar, deep pockets and all, spent nearly half his fortune,only to be cheated! Erap, still dense and still bow-legged,still a drunkard womanizing thug,(only much older), still believes that he is the messiah of the Philippine democracy. And guess what,the squatter communities that live in Floodway-Taytay, and who caused the Great Flood in Taytay-Cainta Marikina and Pasig last Sept.26 agree and voted for him (the fools!). Loren Legarda lost–she is still too sosyal for the average botante. Gibo Teodoro went into seclusion, asking, “why,why why!?”. Meanwhile,some other losing aspirant has reportedly filed a protest against another protest from another politico–as of June 29 there are ten election protests filed before the COMELEC. The senate has called for an investigation on these election protests. Someone suggests that a new “Election Protest Abolition Law” or “EPAL” be formed by the COMELEC. These “pro-EPAL” legislators insist that the losing candidates must respect the outcome of the elections,even if a party clown or a basset hound actually manages to get elected into the highest office. Frankly, If I actually vote, my choice will be a toss-up between Noynoy and the basset hound.
October 27th, 2009 at 09:33
Noynoy wins and his youngest sister Kris gets to host “The Working President” in NBN 4. Kris doesn’t only tackle the tasks and jobs of his brother but she also has a new segment wherein she discloses Noynoy’s personal life: from his relationship with the Valenzuela City councilor and his new haircut to the latest update on the renovation of their house in Times Street and Noynoy’s bonding moments with his celebrity nephews. And oh, Kris gets a new co-host–the self-confessed Cojuangco-Aquino wannabee Boy Abunda.
October 27th, 2009 at 09:55
The headline carried by broadsheets and tabloids alike on the first week of the new year has enough shock value to shake off everyone from holiday hangover: NOY-MAR NO MORE! Kris’ brother made the second biggest decision of his life: Backing out.
Citizens who felt betrayed and insisted on knowing why were just given the roundabout. The reason that was floated around was the waning Cory magic. But the loudest whispers said its the growing estrangement between Noynoy and his multimedia queen of a sister who, like the impakta on Darna, clung on his back murmuring: Drop that counselor! Pursue Jessica Soho instead! With me at ABS, you at Malacanang and Jessica on GMA, we’ll have the entire Philippines as our playground.
The break-up of the Noy-Mar tandem put a radioactive smile on Korina’s facing. The husband ran for the highest post in the land sans vice president.
Erap’s come-back-from-the-prison movie, “Tanging Pamilya†drew the biggest box-office returns at last December’s MMFF. Thanks to co-star, the PacMom, who also became one of his most rigid campaigners in the South. Erap was almost sure of the win he could smell Pasig from behind the Palace.
Well, almost. In April 2010, thanks to the Power Reform Bill, Pinoys saw history repeating itself. Specific timeline: brownouts of 1992. The auto-election machines were rendered inutile by power outages and erratic data transmission. And for whatever news of the election, the nation sits in a corner of its dark dwelling with a transistor radio glued to its ear.
October 27th, 2009 at 13:19
The results of the 2010 election, real or manipulated, did not matter anymore. This is after the economy lie in ruins as a result of the currency crisis, brought about by the over supply of paper money that flooded the market in the last couple of months leading to the elections.
In January 2010 the BSP issued orders to de-monetize the 500, 100 and 50 peso bills, while ordering massive printing of 200 peso bills, after lawyers of the administration party filed a petition. The legal counsels allege that the continuing circulation of those bills gave overwhelming advantage to the LP presidential and vice presidential candidates, as well as one of its senatorial candidates. The Comelec, en-banc, endorsed the petition. Political pundits, on the other hand, pointed out that so called “allignment of fortunes” in the LP ticker made vote-buying difficult, because, thanks to our sterling system of the education, there is now a higher risk of the poor, unwashed, and unread masses to mistake the names written on the “kodigo”, with the names written on the money given to them.
The matters went from bad to worse after Manuel L. Quezon III, another namesake on another denomination, was announced as the party list candidate for PaKaNTUt (Ang Pambansang Kapisanan ng mga may Natitirang Tino sa UTak), which has allied itself with the coalition of parties around the LP ticket. The 20 peso bill was also de-monetized as a result. The resulting imbalance in the supply of the denomination caused cataclysmic disturbance in the consumer market, as stores were forced to price and bundle their goods to the only widely available currency. Some consumer-protection groups even allege that undisposed relief goods (amassed through donations for the 2009 typhoon victims) were easily trickled into the black market because the resurgence of “pakyaw” transactions in the market. The rest, as they say nowadays, is economy (not history).
As of this writing, the whole country is still hopefully anticipating the results of the elections, which unfortunately, has been very slow in coming because all SmartMatic machines were running Windows Vista. Rumors and speculations have been circulating, as to which between Microsoft and Google would have the inner lane in gaining majority control of the of this ruined, down-trodden, but still cheerful country. No official negotiations have taken place, as the powers-that-will-be have not been put in place.
October 28th, 2009 at 07:42
‘And this just in: “Muslim Mindanao has finally had enough and has today formally announced its secession from the Republic of the Philippines…â€
Mmmm… maybe that last one is a good thing?’
Wow. Some people are simply better off with their mouths shut.
Dear infradiggit,
Congrats on showing your ignorance and idiocy. Now please don’t participate in anything Mindanao- (or Philippines-) related until you’ve educated yourself. Ktnxbye.
October 28th, 2009 at 17:27
Keeping a status quo on the present administration is never an option a Filipino would fathom again, EVER. But uncertainty of a leader looms in the Philippines as the automated election returns, verified by exits polls, indicate that there is a four-way deadlock among presidential candidates.
Manny Villar, who was introduced as the 15th President of the Republic by Willie Revillame, guested on Wowowee a few days after election to do a celebratory dance number. Willie was fuming mad and threw a tantrum in the middle of the show as he accused network producers of ruining their fun by flashing electoral counts in the split screen.
But by their count, ABS-CBN’s Halalan 2010 claimed Noynoy Aquino led the race by give-or-take the number of his combed-over hair. Official statement of the Aquino family delivered by Kris started with, “Alam mo, naiyak ako noong…â€
Chiz Escudero was, well, complaining again; this time, he held a rally to protest the election outcome on Quirino Grandstand. The gathering was like a kick-ass rock concert attended by groupies who thought it was a Bamboo concert. Neither Noy-pi nor Tatsulok was heard but Chiz gave his best speech ever, rivalling Cristy Fermin’s latest gossip opinion monologue.
Erap returned to Tondo to thank his loyalists for bringing him back to power. The crowd erupted when Erap had to mention, “Binati ako ni (silent vice) president (silent Jojo) Obama via webcam kagabi. Nakainom lang tayo nang kaunti pero kilalang-kilala ko siya–maitim at matapang ang boses niya.â€
October 29th, 2009 at 01:49
Jejomar Binay thinks he is the greatest thing that ever happened to Makati. So much so that he thinks he can run the country if he manages to win in 2010. He brags about Makati’s free hospitalization,free high school, benefits for the senior citizens,etc.etc. Mr. Binay, did you ever realize that any Makati mayor can do all these, not because he is a good mayor,but because Makati is the richest municipality in the country,being also its financial center? I am quite sure that the city’s earnings from business permits and real estate taxes alone could well be in the billions,possibly trillions, of pesos. With these earnings alone, you better damn be able to give back every services to each and every Makati citizen,or be sued as the biggest crook in the country. Do you expect to be thanked for simply doing your duty, and/or be rewarded for it by being elected as the next president of this country? Running the richest city is a walk in the (Greenbelt)park for any mayor because money is almost literally flooding the city hall. As for running the entire country, that is a completely different story.
October 29th, 2009 at 13:57
@JD,
I think you might have misunderstood what I meant.