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We were having a post-movie coffee and dessert. There was a party at the next table—cake and champagne, someone was having a birthday. They were foreigners with different accents; we gathered they were based in Manila. Then three of the women at that table got up and went to the bathroom, which could accommodate only one. We wouldn’t have noticed except that when Noel wanted to use the bathroom he had to wait. And wait. And wait.

Naturally we foul-minded creatures suspected that they were taking drugs. No, our waiter informed us, someone in the party was jealous about someone else, she’s crying in the bathroom, and her two friends are in there consoling her and helping her repair her make-up.

This is why you should always be nice to your waiter, apart from the fact that he handles your food.

After an age the bathroom door opened and the women apologized, saying their friend had gotten jealous and cried her eyes out, and they had been consoling her and helping her repair her make-up.

Ladies, I wanted to say, public mascara running and conferences in the bathroom are not the way to address issues of jealousy. Let us remember what we have learned from the classic film Clueless, which is celebrating the 15th anniversary of its release. Never admit to being jealous or unloved. Look happy and walk around in your cutest outfits. Send yourself flowers and candy from “a mysterious admirer”. Yes, it’s bonkers, but it’s better to look bonkers than miserable. If there’s nothing going on in your romantic life, encourage your friends in their own romantic pursuits. Think of it as practice. And if you’re dating someone, make sure he knows it’s a date (i.e. a mutual arrangement rather than a unilateral delusion).

Our favorite line from Clueless (Not an accurate quote, but we prefer it this way): “Omigod, I love Josh! Ooh, I wonder if they have that in my size.”

The enduring legacy of Clueless (besides Jane Austen’s sage advice): Paul Rudd.