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It was Jose’s belated birthday celebration last night at Attica. I don’t know about you, but when I hear “Attica” I think of Al Pacino yelling in front of the bank in Dog Day Afternoon. This Attica is a bar in A Venue. On Wednesdays they have open-mic night and anyone who wants to sing is accompanied by a guitarist.

Joey

They had the printed set list on the tables. I discovered to my horror that if forced to sing I would have to render something by Oasis. (This abomination is foretold in Revelations.) And mere weeks after I sat through a Malaysian band doing “What’s Going On” by Four Non-Blondes, a song that makes me want to burn down buildings and parked cars.

Noel
I wore The One Ring. Of course it’s a replica, fool, the real one was dissolved in the fires of Mount Doom.

I am shiny because even if it’s a replica it’s still heavy. Nah, I’m always shiny.

While the opening act was onstage we nerds sat in the balcony and schemed towards world domination or at least spectacular wealth. We decided that with our first few million dollars we will buy that odd, beautiful building across the street.

We went back inside just as Jose was launching into his killer rendition of “Creep”.

After Jose someone sang “Don’t Speak” and someone else sang that Eric Clapton song that was the theme of the movie where John Travolta sees a meteor or something and becomes a genius.

A cover of “Whenever Wherever Whatever” prompted the question, “Where is Maxwell?”

“He’s making a comeback,” Joey and Noel said. “He cut off his hair and wears glasses now.”

“Maxwell cut off his hair?? Is he insane??!” Then we discussed the various phases of Lenny Kravitz and which one we liked best. And whether open-mic acoustic nights should have a maximum song rule because what if someone refuses to relinquish the microphone, and we don’t care how well that guy sings, he’s already done three in a row.

Happy Birthday, Jose!