Ask Jon #3: Our columnist explains why men NEVER ask for directions or go to the doctor. And why they take runners.
Where exactly do you ask for directions? South Africa, 2009 by Jaime.
samutsari: The author of Men Are From Mars . . . was right. Men don’t want to ask for directions, even if they’re driving around in circles and you’re late for your meeting. Are you like that too? Is this something inherent in the male chromosome?
Jon says: I’m not lost. I’m exploring.
I actually ask for directions quite often but only because I’m in foreign cities so often. In my ‘home’ cities I will absolutely refuse to ask for directions. Because being able to say “See? I told you I knew where I was going” smugly is far more satisfying then getting there in a reasonable amount of time.
Using Google Maps is cheating in case you were wondering. And yes I’m sure this alley leads to the restaurant.
samutsari: The men in my family hate going to the doctor. The women if they feel something want to know what’s wrong right away. The men don’t want to, until they’re about to die. What’s a good explanation for this?
Jon says: It’s a little funny this question should come up right now. At this very moment my list of injuries includes: a damaged middle and ring finger on my right hand (since end of August, not sure if it’s broken or maybe just ligament damage), I can’t straighten my right arm because there’s something wrong with my elbow (since last Saturday), and a bad cough (since Sunday). I haven’t gone to see the doctor and I don’t intend to.
I usually don’t go to the doctor until the final moment when I’m on the edge of not being able to take myself there. Hence my question regarding ambulances in Manila; it’s a rather pressing concern for me considering my penchant for getting injured or sick and waiting for the final moment to do anything about it.
It’s probably a combination of wanting to tough it out, laziness, and distrust of doctors. In my own case I tend to know that I probably won’t follow through on treatment on something I consider fairly minor so a diagnosis doesn’t really benefit me in any way. For example, my fingers still mostly work so I wouldn’t get surgery, and immobilizing them I could very well do myself so why waste a day going to the doctor? Just rub some dirt in it kiddo, you’ll be fine.
RightClicker: How do you go about dating when you’re in a foreign land i.e. China? Do you tend to date local girls or expats? In dating local girls, what quirks should you take into consideration? Lastly, with all the girls you’ve dated (I’m assuming plenty hehe) have you noticed any universal dating behavior across different cultures so far?
Jon says: Examining your own tendencies is always difficult but I don’t think I have any strong tendencies either way. The major factor to take into consideration as an expat when dating a local girl is that they are in the place they live, usually they place they have always lived. When you are an expat there is always a feeling that this is probably just temporary, a chapter in your life. That chapter may end up lasting 40 years and the rest of your life, but it may just as well end tomorrow.
I know, I know, you can say that about life in general and carpe diem and live every day like it’s your last and so on, but the reality of it squats in the corner of your room every day when you are an expat. “If things go down the drain I can just take a runner.”
That thought is always there, some times more consciously than others. The local girl you are dating? She’s not taking a runner anywhere. So there’s that. Without a specific location though it’s hard to say what the specific quirks of ‘local’ girls are.
Expats, though, have quirks that can be generalized I think. They tend to be self-centered. I don’t mean that in a derogatory way. Just that the mindset it takes to up and leave the place you have known all your life on your own, for whatever reason, means that you can break the social ties that bind everyone easier than the average person. They tend to be a little weirder than the average person from their own society. They tend to be self-sufficient and dating one means that not only do you have to contend with other people (third-parties) but also with their comfort and ease in being alone since it clearly doesn’t scare them. Oh, and sometimes they take runners.
Across different cultures the only universal truths about women I’ve discovered is they all wish I’d shave my goatee after about a month, clean my room more often, and stop smoking.
As for the how, well I just meet as many people as I possibly can. That’s just the basics of survival when moving to a foreign city. You have to get involved and I try to make it a balance between ‘local’ activities, ‘expat’ activities, and ‘mixed’ activities. Just meet as many people as I can, find the prettiest, coolest girl and say “Hi. I’m Jon.” Winning smile. Hope she smiles back.
kumagcow: If you had a chance to run this country, what would you do differently?
Jon says: I want to answer this question very badly. In fact the delay in this post was me mulling over whether I could get away with saying something on this question. In the end it’s probably best that I don’t express my genuine feelings on this subject as a matter of permanent public record; I’d have to pull so many punches I might as well not say anything at all rather than waste your time with empty words and motherhood statements. If you see me wandering around Manila feel free to ask me though, and I will talk your ear off about it until you wish you had never asked me in the first place.
I don’t want that to be an implied criticism of Manila or a suggestion that I don’t like this city or country though. I think, though, that it would be dishonest not to admit that there are a lot of things that need to be fixed here. Which is good for me because I’ll probably have a job for a long time.
One thing I would definitely do if I could do things differently that I can say out loud is get rid of the people who do ‘security’ checks everywhere with the magic stick. I’d put them to work doing something even just a little bit more productive, instead of making it more difficult for me to get into the MRT station every morning and night. Like oh, I don’t know, making people not stand in front of the doorway and block it when it opens so exiting passengers can get out.
Got a question for Jon Morales our straight guy advice columnist? Post it in Comments and Jon will get back to you next week.
Answers to questions you might be asking, unless you wandered onto this site purely by accident >>>
December 2nd, 2010 at 06:43
On asking directions and going to the doctor, Jon absolutely nailed it. It’s also worth looking at this male quirk through the lens of evolution.
Imagine being part of a hunting party 100,000 years ago. As part of the team, you are expected to know your role.
Hunting for big game probably required the same level of tactical precision as a modern day special forces operation. Asking for directions would’ve led to your own death as your hunting mates would’ve deemed you less of an asset and more of a liability to the hunt.
Better to get rid of one dummy than jeopardize the food supply of their families back home.
So I would suspect males are hardwired not to ask as there are still echoes in our brains from hundreds of thousands of years ago of dummies being butchered in the savannas of the Pleistocene era.
This is also probably true about our aversion to seeking medical help. “Suck it, we’re hunting for our families and we’re hundreds of kilometers from home. No 9-11 here, buddy.”
December 2nd, 2010 at 09:03
“Expats, though, have quirks that can be generalized I think. They tend to be self-centered. I don’t mean that in a derogatory way. Just that the mindset it takes to up and leave the place you have known all your life on your own, for whatever reason, means that you can break the social ties that bind everyone easier than the average person. They tend to be a little weirder than the average person from their own society. They tend to be self-sufficient and dating one means that not only do you have to contend with other people (third-parties) but also with their comfort and ease in being alone since it clearly doesn’t scare them. Oh, and sometimes they take runners.”
Spot-on. I think you just described me.
December 2nd, 2010 at 09:33
Question for Jon: Do you like reading books? Is it cool for men to read books in public places? I always get odd glances when I prop open a book while waiting in line or riding public transportation. People should start realizing that the best place to carry a book around is in Manila, because there is always traffic and you have to wait in line for everything.
December 2nd, 2010 at 11:13
Unlike Jon, I’m a hypochondriac and either immediately self-medicate or go to the doctor’s clinic whenever something is amiss. Which if you’re a hypochondriac is almost every day. I rationalize all this by thinking that otherwise I could have been dead a long time ago.
I’ve partly taken up Jon’s previous suggestion on making time to watch films, and managed to watch one on Blu-Ray this past week: Tarantino’s Inglourious Basterds. I thought it was hilarious. Have you seen this one, Jon? What did you think of it?
Finally, if I might nominate one to add to the list of “guy films” — “Field of Dreams,” from 1989. I recall that before “Shawshank Redemption” came in 1994, that was the quintessential guy film. Memorable catchphrase: “If you build it, he will come.” Insight: guys really like to build things, even if frequently no one ever shows up anyway. Except perhaps if you’re Kevin Costner.
December 2nd, 2010 at 12:15
Cacs: Aha! Guys never admit weakness of any form, lest they be eaten.
December 2nd, 2010 at 13:37
jessicazafra: I’m not aware if there’s an english equivalent but one of our mantras is “sindakan lang ‘yan”.
December 2nd, 2010 at 15:07
Chalk up the doctor thing to maximum sloth for me. My train of thought is usually “ignore it, it’ll eventually go away”. That… doesn’t quite work for dental problems.
December 2nd, 2010 at 18:33
Reading Jon’s answers to random questions thrown out by the male readers of this blog is part of my weekly indulgence. This and screaming at someone :D
“As for the how, well I just meet as many people as I possibly can. That’s just the basics of survival when moving to a foreign city. You have to get involved and I try to make it a balance between ‘local’ activities, ‘expat’ activities, and ‘mixed’ activities. Just meet as many people as I can, find the prettiest, coolest girl and say “Hi. I’m Jon.” Winning smile. Hope she smiles back.” >>> Can I just say, awwww!
December 2nd, 2010 at 19:15
I think I have a crush on Jon already.
December 2nd, 2010 at 19:25
hungrycurious: Meet and greet with Jon?!! Let’s set it! Jon?
December 2nd, 2010 at 19:39
#10 jessicazafra — If Jon agrees, then I say Aye :)
December 2nd, 2010 at 19:58
Sure I’m down. I’ll be in Bangkok until next Thursday so sometime after that I guess?
December 2nd, 2010 at 20:14
jonnymo: Saturday December 11 somewhere in Makati or Ortigas? You pick.
December 2nd, 2010 at 20:29
Hi! I have a question. What is the deal with scaring a guy away by pressuring him into forming a relationship? Do guys have natural commitment phobia inherent in them? Another thing, how come guys practicing Shintoism, Islam or some other religion like having many wives? Can you explain that?
December 2nd, 2010 at 23:06
zomg! meet and greet?! be still my heart.
i have an MRT story (re security guards+magic wands) for you guys
Cacs #6, i think this is going to be my motto now: “sindakan lang ‘yan”
December 3rd, 2010 at 15:01
The date works for me. I’m usually in Makati on saturdays.
December 3rd, 2010 at 15:27
“It’s probably a combination of wanting to tough it out, laziness, and distrust of doctors.”
Men (would like to) think they’re invincible but they’re not. More often than not, takot sila sa karayom. Madalas magreklamo na kesyo masakit ang ganito, baka meron akong ganun, but they take forever to go see a doctor. When they are in their hypochondriac mood, I just ignore them. No use stressing myself. I just wait for that moment described by Jon: “. . . until the final moment when I’m on the edge of not being able to take myself there.” And yeah, they don’t follow through. The wives and gfs have to remind them about their meds everyday. Arrrggghhhhh….
December 3rd, 2010 at 16:23
jonnymo: Great! December 11, 8ish, somewhere in Makati.
Interested parties, sign up for the Meet & Greet with Jon here.
December 3rd, 2010 at 17:25
Count me in hehe :)
December 12th, 2010 at 11:35
One thing I would definitely do if I could do things differently that I can say out loud is get rid of the people who do ‘security’ checks everywhere with the magic stick — JUZ KO WHAT A RELIEF! Di lang pala ako ang nakaka isip ng mga ganitong bagay!
Now I like Jon :)
December 12th, 2010 at 15:34
I have a question for Jon!
It’s December and most young, single people I know are starting to go broke. Have you ever gone through something like this? Any advice to them?