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The Glass Family stories with rubber duckies

The Yucch-meter hunkered down with a pot of coffee to read your entries to LitWit Challenge 3.12: Conversations in restaurants. It stands to reason that writing a conversation in a restaurant is an easy task since everyone at one time or another has had a conversation in a restaurant.

Reason is wrong.

#4 kracle: This is a story of a tiresome female going on and on about her exercise regimen to a disinterested party who is barely trying to be polite. Interesting premise, could be funny but isn’t. The female seems to be reading rather than speaking.

#7 ficklecattle: This is promising–almost sounds like an actual conversation–but note how one of the protagonists self-consciously explains the proceedings for the benefit of the audience. “The guy just asked you to ask me to take off my clothes, at the least, for a private show.” Apparently he knows he is a character in a story. “It’s just, well, think of it this way”. . .over-explanation, Tagalog movie style.

#8 triphammer: If your intention is to sound British you could at least get the usage right. Look up the meaning of “bint”. (Obviously this one is not a Monty Python fan.) The Yucch-meter suspects this one is a devotee of Guy Ritchie laddie movies.

#9 androidiscool: Why bother joining contests when you and your tiresome androids can just talk amongst yourselves? By all means write for yourself but when you publish it, you address an audience.

#12 johnbristol16: The Yucch-meter realizes this dialogue is meant to be cute and funny but outside of its limited audience it has the appeal of enamel being ripped off teeth.

#15 cough-syrup-junkie: So she kills her husband for a teenage rugby player and not only do they discuss it in a public place but she feels compelled to explain the details, motives, etc for the benefit of everyone who happens to be listening in. “He gave me everything I wanted. A huge house, expensive wardrobes, jewelry.” This is how it sounds in Tagalog: “Ibinigay niya ang lahat na gusto ko. Malaking bahay, mga mamahaling aparador, alahas.” Wardrobe, singular.

#19 winnerific: Blah blah blah blah blah. This kind of meet-cute story should take ten lines at most.

#20 Paul: There’s a story in there involving deals with the devil but the author is more intent on heaping abuse upon the Revihilda character than on developing the plot.

#21 aimubear: A funny take on the romantic comedy’s obsession with “destiny”. Would work better if the characters had. . .character.

#22 triphammer: Another one from the Guy Ritchie school of movie writing. Minus the logic, the coherence, and the humor.

#23 iceproof: Holy crap, a conversation about real-world concerns. Good effort. However, the Yucch-meter had a hard time understanding the prose because English words are “Filipinised” by spelling them phonetically. Of course this is perfectly acceptable to many readers. Unfortunately it is the Yucch-meter who chooses the winner.

#24 jake: Jake, Jake, Jake. You are one of the Yucch-meter’s favorite contestants. But you need to try some other schtick once in a while or Raymond Carver will rise from the grave and bite you.

#25 angus25: This is not a conversation. They are reading magazines to each other.

#26 Android No. 1 and #27 S. Mack: You have submitted the same entry under different names. In fact you have registered on this site about 20, 30 times. Subscribers do forget their passwords but 20 usernames is just creepy. The Yucch-meter declines to read your story.

#28 turmukoy: Thank you! The sound of real people! The seriousness of the characters’ tones is appropriate as they are former activists. That they are lured into capitalism via technology is both funny and true to life.

#29 Cacs: Very amusing explanation of how the world works, with a special emphasis on religion and cinema.

#30 illiterati: The Yucch-meter wishes to express her solidarity with every guy who has ever asked a girl what she couldn’t talk about on the phone and gotten, “It’s about, you know, what’s been happening between us”. We urge you to run out the door as fast as you can.

#31 Evan: Clever. The reader is not subjected to tedious explanation, yet all is clear. The Yucch-meter would like to know: Why has clever become the province of gay people? Or has it always been a gay thing?

#32 dibee: A bit overwritten, needs copy-editing, but the plot is intriguing. Perverse, sordid, with enough detail so we can see the tale unfolding in our heads even if we wish it wouldn’t. Congratulations dibee, you are the winner of LitWit Challenge 3.12.

Please post your full name in Comments and we’ll inform you when you can pick up your prizes.

The Weekly LitWit Challenge is brought to you by our friends at National Bookstore.

LitWit Challenge 4.1 is coming up.

dibee, you can pick up your prizes at National Bookstore in Rockwell, you know the drill.