Auntie Janey’s Old-Fashioned Agony Column # 7: Stalkers
Dear Auntie Janey,
I have a blog. A reader I’ve never met started leaving poems and song lyrics in the comments. Then flirting. Then he started emailing love letters to the address on my blog and asking me out to dinner. I ignored him because anything I say might be interpreted as encouragement. Like if I say Go away, he might think I’m being coy when all I mean is, Go away creep. Somehow he found my work address and started sending presents. Clothes I would never wear (and his taste is terrible but that’s beside the point). Should I email him to stop bothering me? If I acknowledge that he exists, he might get hope!
What can I do? Are there laws against stalking?
All Creeped Out
Stalker # 1: Jim Carrey as The Cable Guy
Dear All,
When we were growing up, we were told to be nice to everyone. We were told to be courteous. Manners will get you very far and help you maintain good relations with others. But it can only get you so far. Sometimes, we need to put people in their proper place. We have to bare our fangs and snarl.
Zeus was respected by the other gods because he was the only one who could hurl thunderbolts. He rarely did, and he only threw them at those who displeased him extremely. The occasion on which he used thunderbolts extensively was when he and his siblings waged war against the Titans. Whenever there were disputes among gods and men, he usually resorted to diplomacy and duplicity. It was very seldom that he resorted to violence.
Outrage, anger and ruthlessness are powerful weapons when used deliberately, wisely and appropriately. Prudent use will demonstrate strength and secure respect for your position and person. Reckless use will paint you as unstable, unreliable and uncouth.
The same can be said of arrogance and rank. Remember in The Once and Future King when Wart was turned into a merlin and spent the night in the mews with the hunting birds? The Falcon, most esteemed and highest-ranked of the birds, tolerated the slight impudence and incompetence of the others. She only gave stern words to those who fumbled in the performance of their duties. It was only to Cully, the crazy goshawk, that she spoke in full rank, yet in private, and she somewhat broke the goshawk’s mind.
Stalker # 2: Robert De Niro in Cape Fear
Atticus Finch in To Kill A Mockingbird, an excellent marksman, thought along the same lines. He only revealed his skill when his neighborhood in Maycomb County, Alabama was threatened. He previously concealed his ability because he felt he had an advantage over the average man and he also abhorred violence. But he had to bring out the gun and use it because his safety and that of his family and friends was at stake.
In sum, when dealing with obnoxious or creepy people, be polite and decent. When they really cross the line, scratch their eyesesss out preciousss.
As for legal remedies, you can charge your stalker with unjust vexation. Unjust vexation is a form of light coercion which is broad enough to include any human conduct which, although not productive of some physical or material harm, would unjustly annoy or irritate an innocent person. If convicted, he could be sentenced to serve from one day to thirty days or pay a fine ranging from 5 to 200 pesos, or both, at the trial court’s discretion. The catch is: he should be within Philippine territory when he annoys you. If you have a romantic relationship with him, his act of stalking you constitutes psychological abuse and he can be prosecuted under RA 9262 known as the Violence Against Women and Children Act.
If you find litigation tedious, you can follow Ara Mina’s lead and befriend your stalker.
Yours,
Auntie Janey
Stalker # 3: Kathy Bates in Misery
Answers to questions you might be asking, unless you wandered onto this site purely by accident >>>
March 17th, 2011 at 06:27
All creeped out,
Obviously, the guy’s nuts over you. Before Internet and CNN, every Pinay would have died to be in your situation: being pursued and “wooed” vigorously by a hopeful lover.
Somehow the emergence of social networks and the 24/7 news coverage of American stalkers going overboard have infiltrated the Pinay’s psyche, and unfounded fear has crept into her heart instead of love and desire.
Auntey Jane: good advice on following Ara Mina’s lead.
P.S.
Anyways, if a twin of Kathy Bates would stalk me, I’d creep out, too.
March 17th, 2011 at 09:14
I am becoming a fan of this Auntie Janey dude.
March 17th, 2011 at 11:16
wait what does following Ara Mina’s lead connote?
March 17th, 2011 at 11:18
once there was this guy who found my blog site and got really attached to it. i was quite friendly at first. but when he started stalking me on my friends’ blogs and even on forumns related to my job, i started ignoring him and blocking him. and when he noticed this, he left nasty comments about me in my friends’ blogs. and started spreading rumors that i was lesbian. eventually, i had to shut down all my blog sites and assume a different online alias.
and just recently, there was another one who was pretending to be me, using my fb pic. and this girl was harassing some girl who kept sending me hate mails, assuming that i was the one harrassing her; even claiming that i was trying to steal her bf, whom i have never met in my entire life! then i later found out, she was a subject of a prank by the guy’s sister, whom i have met only once on a trip to a remote island down south.
the internet is full of all kinds of crazies. and i am just scared for those who don’t leave much privacy for themselves. especially on fb. information can be so powerful (especially in print), especially if used against you.
March 17th, 2011 at 11:56
I’m also a fan. And probably also the stalker mentioned here, or at least a stalker’s stalker. Or even a stalker’s stalker’s stalker.
Auntie Janey sometimes incapacitates me because I’m not sure whether it’s really irony.
March 17th, 2011 at 14:05
I’m disappointed by the lack of Sideshow Bob in this column.
March 17th, 2011 at 17:28
I’d hug Kathy Bates.
March 17th, 2011 at 23:40
Ooo, stalking! Been on both sides of the equation – stalker, and stalk-ee; not fun either way. The thing that stopped me from stalking my last object of affection involved finding out online that he was, in fact, baduy. That convinced me to drop him and take up knitting instead.
Apropos of nothing – and I may have mentioned this before – I played Cully in a production of “The Sword in The Stone,” which is basically the musical-theater version of The Once and Future King. Which means that I must track down a copy of Once and Future King ASAP, because I think that my interpretation of that character was terrible.
March 18th, 2011 at 03:45
I haven’t been stalked to. Or maybe I was once and then I was just to naive to notice. Or yeah, maybe i was really not being stalked to since I didn’t feel that kind of creepiness. Well, on some occassions when I’m alone and I’m dressing up, I find myself having that feel of being watched. Am I being stalked to or was it just paranoia? O_o
Anyways, I was glad to stumble upon this column. I didn’t know you can sue someone if you find them annoying! haha! that would be fun! :D