Aunt Janey’s Old-Fashioned Agony Column # 10: A return on your emotional investment
So Cher was like totally into Christian cause he was way hot and knew a lot about shoes.
________
Many women in literature are remembered for their tragic lives which end in suicide. Juliet, Ophelia, Madame Bovary to name a few. If I were to hand out an award for Most Tragic Woman in Literature, it would have to be Elaine of The Once and Future King by T.H. White. Elaine gave everything to Lancelot so that he would love her in return. She did not get a return on her investment.
Elaine fell in love with Lancelot after he rescued her from a large boiling pot. With the help of her father and nurse, Elaine got Lancelot drunk and told him that Guenever (whom he really loved but was married to King Arthur, and yes that’s how T.H. White spelled her name) was going to spend the night in their castle to be with him. In the dark, Lancelot got jumped by somebody whom he thought was Guenever. The following morning, he found Elaine lying naked in his bed.
Elaine declared her love for him and told him she was pregnant with his child. Lancelot said he would support the child but he would never love her, then he left. A year later, Elaine went to Arthur’s castle to present her beautiful son Galahad to Lancelot. With the aid of her nurse, Elaine managed to trick Lancelot and once again jumped him in the dark. Lancelot thought it was Guenever. When the controversy of who slept with whom was finally sorted out, Guenever flew into a jealous rage which drove Lancelot mad. For many years Lancelot wandered about the forests of England as a madman. It was Elaine who found him and brought him back to sanity. To make him stay with her, she gave him a castle with a moat, land, riches, servants and herself. But, Lancelot still left her for Guenever. In the end, Elaine threw herself into a river.
He came over to the house, right, with a video of Spratacus and he also said, “Do you like Billie Holiday?” and she said, “Love him!”
_________
I was not offered a castle with a moat but a few extra servings of monggo and fresh lumpia.
For more than a year, I had been frequenting a stall in the food court of a mall. They had bigger servings than the other food stalls and so I became their patron. Since I was a consistent customer (I ate either pork barbeque or chicken barbeque with pinakbet, monggo or taugi), they would give me a slightly larger serving of vegetables than the other customers. If it was closing time, they would even allow me to have a large fresh lumpia for free. They never tried to ask me personal questions and they treated me professionally with a touch of fondness.
Five months ago there was a change of staff and there was this girl who was being trained to be the head server. When she first saw me, she gave me a devouring look and a very wide smile, which made me uncomfortable. I did not mind her because the old staff was serving me. A few days later she was given full control. At first, she would greet me with wide eyes and smile. Then she started to say things in a low voice like, “Why don’t you just eat at our house, sir?” or “Let’s eat together, sir”. Then she and her friend would giggle. I pretended not to hear.
In the following weeks she went even further. She began to give me full servings of vegetables in addition to the vegetables I already had with my value meal. Every time she did this her staff gave her a questioning look. The staff also began to treat me with suspicion. One time, when I asked how much I should pay, she replied suggestively, “Sixty-nine, sir”. She also attempted to give me an extra stick of pork barbecue which I insisted on returning. She even offered to upgrade my rice to fried rice, which I declined for my nutritionist would kill me. Every time I declined her favors, she would stamp her feet. She and her friend would also pinch and tickle each other whenever I was around.
But it wasn’t meant to be and they became like shoe-shopping buddies, you know?
_________
There was even a time when a server from another stall passed by and said, “You are happy because your boyfriend is here.” I continued to go to their food stall because I could get more value for my money. Whenever I got served by other staff, I never asked for free add-ons. I always left it up to them to give me treats. Seeing that her generosity did not sway me, she began to act sullen whenever I was around. Her friend also seemed to make me her personal enemy. Three weeks ago, they were reassigned to another stall. While I was making my way to the usual stall, she and her friend began screaming and shouting to get my attention. “Sir, eat here! Come here! Why don’t you try another dish?!” I went into my Indifferent Mode and they eventually quit. I was so embarrassed since it was lunch time and the food court was packed. I never went back.
If you wish to win someone’s affections, never give that person gifts for the purpose of making him grateful to you. Gratitude can become a very heavy obligation and often leads to resentment. Whoever employs such a tactic immediately becomes transparent and will be prone to abuse. You can also be perceived as manipulative and you will definitely be detested and your gifts, no matter how grand, will be viewed with distaste, unless your beneficiary is as callous as I am. Generosity is finding joy in giving without expecting anything in return. Generosity begets friendship and even love. In romance, spreading your arms and legs and baking the man’s bread in your oven will not bind that man to you. Marriage will not help. He must want to be with you because of who you are and not because you give him nice things. What would you do when you run out of things to give?
In Episode 19 entitled “Ah! Don’t Gaze At Me With Those Eyes?” of Aa! Megami-sama!, Belldandy was tricked into eating a Love Crystal. Belldandy, a polite, proper and decent goddess, became more “outgoing”. She began to show her cleavage to Keiichi, her love interest, and rub her breasts on his arm and back. She even took him to a lingerie store and asked him what he would like her to wear whenever she slept on his futon. When they found themselves alone in a chapel, Belldandy threw herself at Keiichi and begged him for it. Keiichi, knowing that Belldandy was not herself, resisted temptation and said, “I like the usual you”.
Answers to questions you might be asking, unless you wandered onto this site purely by accident >>>
April 7th, 2011 at 04:23
i dont understand why people would mistake you for a dude?!
April 7th, 2011 at 11:24
Perhaps it’s the references to very specific anime.
April 7th, 2011 at 11:57
hindi ko kinaya ang “sixty-nine, sir”. ang cheap.
April 7th, 2011 at 12:37
Where is this food stall exactly, Aunt Janey? Must go there for the monggo. (And the odd chance of receiving free add-ons.)
April 7th, 2011 at 16:25
Uy, aspiring food court heartthrob.
April 7th, 2011 at 16:44
I was kind of surprised by the Aa! Megami-sama! reference at the end.
Also, if people are intent on calling me ma’am despite me being male, then I reserve the right to use the women’s bathroom when it’s closer then the men’s.
Also also, I think it’s time to rewatch Clueless.
April 7th, 2011 at 17:32
@Akyat-Bahay gangster — Love ko din ng monggo hahaha, pero baka imbes na dagdagan yung serving, lasunin pa ako nung crew haha.
If you wish to win someone’s affections, never give that person gifts for the purpose of making him grateful to you. Gratitude can become a very heavy obligation and often leads to resentment. Whoever employs such a tactic immediately becomes transparent and will be prone to abuse.
>>> Right on the mark!
April 7th, 2011 at 17:50
Places that serve monggo (which is why I always eat there)
Wild Ginger at Power Plant Rockwell has a good monggo at malunggay
Cafe Bola. I ate nearly every day at their Greenbelt branch until they closed. The Araneta Coliseum branch is alive and they serve the Cafe Bola menu at their carinderia in Whitespace.
April 7th, 2011 at 18:10
Jessica — Thanks!!! I always request monggo every Friday from my dad. Now at least I can try monggo from other places.
Gah, all this talk about food makes me hungry O_o
April 7th, 2011 at 19:01
Jessica, I have modest ambitions and poor self-esteem, coupled with low self-awareness. But I like monggo (despite the risk of gout). Food court heartthrob is therefore a fair aspiration.
April 7th, 2011 at 21:36
Aunt Janie is not a dude???
April 7th, 2011 at 21:48
Holy crap I thought it was clear from the very first agony column.
April 7th, 2011 at 22:19
Ay nalito rin ako. Bakit may ‘sir’? Si Aunt Janey ba ay isang Tito Johnny?
Gusto ko rin ang monggo na ulam. Whenever I eat monggo with rice at home, parang champorado lang. Nasa soup bowl at kustara lang kubyertos ko. Sarap!
April 7th, 2011 at 22:57
LOL. ‘auntie janey’ is because of jane austen. but it is a dude, not ms. zafra, writing the columns.
April 7th, 2011 at 23:16
That reminds me: I’ve finally found copies of Twisted 8½ and 9. With all the attention to food, will there be a Twisted Eats in the future? Or has there already been one and I just missed it?
April 8th, 2011 at 09:55
cakeboy. ;-)
April 8th, 2011 at 15:27
#11 – #14: hahahaha!! it took me three columns to figure that out..wahahaha!! i like how aunt janey used investment and returns into tackling relationships..i believe part of the reasons why some people fail in their relationships is because they hate economics..
April 8th, 2011 at 20:52
Dear Aunt Janey,
I’m gay. My purportedly straight partner just broke up with me because she could not come out and she said she wants to be fair with me. But she still wants me around as a friend or whatever. Talk about being fair. Her plan – be with a man and pretend to live a “normal” life for 10-15 years, after which, we will be together. I don’t know how she would carry out the plan. Need I say that I didn’t agree with it? Anyway, recently, a friend posted sweet messages in my FB account and this made ex-partner jealous and mad, though she admitted she had no right to be. She told me through text that she no longer plans to be with me when each strand of our hair turned gray and will perpetually live a “normal” life though her heart still beats for me. Ugh. The million dollar question: How do I avoid her? I must admit I still feel something for her. We have the same circle of friends who do not know about the relationship we had (but I have a feeling they suspect something). We practically have the same job though we do not work in the same office. My family adores her. I want to get out of here but I could not afford to do so, my job is here. Argh.
Waiting,
Andy