Saffy is 11! Today she is The Oracle.
Happy Birthday, Saffron Sassafras Saoirse Schmitz Zafra Safin-Sprungli!
Ask your questions and they shall be answered.
* * * * *
The Oracle has gone to play with the laser pointer. We will no longer be taking your questions. Thank you for your greetings.
Answers to questions you might be asking, unless you wandered onto this site purely by accident >>>
June 15th, 2011 at 00:33
Who do you think will emerge as the true King of Westeros?
June 15th, 2011 at 00:38
We suspect Jon Snow will turn out to be a descendant of the old dynasty Targaryen.
All we want is for Tyrion Lannister to live to the end!
June 15th, 2011 at 01:07
Should I give in to peer pressure and watch the Kylie concert?
June 15th, 2011 at 01:11
Saffy, will I be happy and successful with my new job?
June 15th, 2011 at 01:15
parlo lover: That would depend on whether this new job is one you have always wanted, or something that merely pays the bills. The latter does not preclude happiness, but it will require some skill at self-deception.
June 15th, 2011 at 01:21
Will telling him I like him be the end of me?
June 15th, 2011 at 01:21
ruth: The question is moot and academic, for the baklas tell us that there are no tickets left to buy. As our friend stood at the ticket counter agonizing between the P15K tenth row ticket and the P13K ticket on a side row, the seller uttered these words of wisdom: Sir, marami na hong tulad ninyo ang bumili ng tiket. Then give me the P15K ticket! our friend cried, succumbing to peer pressure.
We know that Kylie puts on a great show with elaborate production numbers. We hope for your sake that she does not begin the show with the words, “I am tired of dancing around, I will now do an acoustic set.”
June 15th, 2011 at 01:23
eponine: No it will not, and if he does not appreciate the honesty he can go to hell.
June 15th, 2011 at 01:27
Happy birthday saffy! You’re the best!
June 15th, 2011 at 01:44
The Kylie concert was mentioned so I could not resist but comment. I’m excited to watch the concert even if I’m going by myself. I know no one who is too gay and too foolish I can convince to spend so much for it.
June 15th, 2011 at 01:56
Happy birthday Saffy! Which film showing at the French Film Festival do you recommend we watch?
—
re: Jon Snow, +1 to your theory :D That, or him and Daenerys hook up, hehe.
June 15th, 2011 at 02:00
Waaah! Thanks, Oracle! I shall be more prepared when Madonna comes over. Hopefully not for an acoustic concert.
June 15th, 2011 at 02:04
ManilaBeans: The only one we have seen is La Ceremonie, the Chabrol starring Isabelle Huppert and Sandrine Bonnaire. It is deeply disturbing. We are looking forward to Tree of Life though we know full well that it will test our wakefulness (We hear it opens with dinosaurs). There are limited seats to that screening but you need not worry; it will have a commercial run in local cinemas.
The snobbiest thing we heard this week was our friend Bernard-Henri Not-Levy’s reaction when we mentioned Tree of Life. “Free tickets to a Brad Pitt movie at the mall on a Sunday,” he snorted via text message. “Parang I don’t want to make pila.” One has such delightful friends.
June 15th, 2011 at 02:05
ifrico: Though you are going by yourself we assure you that you will not be alone. As the ticket-seller pointed out.
June 15th, 2011 at 03:47
Will China take over Spratlys?
June 15th, 2011 at 07:18
Happy birthday Saffy!
Now here’s a question that’s been bothering me in the last few days: I had come across some damning – yet inconclusive – information that my current imaginary BF (okay, “celebrity crush,” but that only makes the whole thing even more awkward*) may have been batting for the other team, so to speak. Yes, other fish in the sea and everything, but I just want to know: Are my concerns truly justified? And should I take it as a sign that I should get a real boyfriend?
*Just to narrow the field: He looks like a potato… a doughy but quite handsome potato, who may or may not have shown up for a very short role in a recent superhero movie. Ahem.
June 15th, 2011 at 07:24
…Forgive my grammar, o Great Oracle, but I meant “have come across,” not “had” come across. Oh dear.
June 15th, 2011 at 08:49
Happy happy birthday Saffy!
From all of us (Brewhuh, Max and Kelsey)
“We know that Kylie puts on a great show with elaborate production numbers. We hope for your sake that she does not begin the show with the words, “I am tired of dancing around, I will now do an acoustic set.”
Ugh, such a scary thought!
June 15th, 2011 at 08:56
Happy birthday Saffy! Will I get the job I recently applied for?
June 15th, 2011 at 09:17
Happy birthday Saffy!
Question: Should I watch the remake of Gosiengfiao’s Temptation Island?
June 15th, 2011 at 09:20
scheherazade: Yes, if it is the job you want.
June 15th, 2011 at 09:39
stellalehua: Yes there are rumors that Jeremy Renner is gay. (The Oracle sees all.) They should only bother you if you are in an actual relationship with Jeremy Renner. There is nothing wrong with having an imaginary boyfriend as an outlet for your affections and it is certainly true that real boyfriends disappoint (For one thing they did not star in The Hurt Locker or The Town, they are not going to play Hawkeye, and they do not hang out with our beautiful Colin Farrell). Nor do we advocate any laborious campaign to snag a boyfriend as this frequently comes across as desperation (Never a good thing unless one has to submit 2,000 words in one hour). What we advise is that you consider the possibility that there are interesting humans in your vicinity who are not Jeremy Renner. We have spoken. Minion, bring us our catnip!
June 15th, 2011 at 09:42
wenkebach: They probably could if they wanted to but we think they are only taunting the Philippines, which is not very sporting as it is an easy target.
June 15th, 2011 at 09:43
marcku: Of course you must, so you can bitch about the superior qualities of the original.
June 15th, 2011 at 09:43
Happy birthday, Saffy!
Will the Azkals win against Sri Lanka and eventually qualify for the world cup?
June 15th, 2011 at 09:50
super_insomniac: We wish them well as they are perhaps overburdened by the expectations of their rabid fans (this is an unintentional pun) who expect them to be battling Brazil tomorrow. Good luck, Azkals!
Mazel tov to our friends Chloe and Pascal (Pasosyal na Askal) who just had three puppies! Their spawn are part Poodle, Pomeranian and Chihuahua, ergo Poopohuahua.
June 15th, 2011 at 10:22
Happy birthday Saffy! Where do you get your catnip?
June 15th, 2011 at 10:26
jouvs: My human buys it on her trips. We do not know of a shop that sells catnip in Manila.
June 15th, 2011 at 11:13
Thank you, o dearest Oracle! This is exactly what I needed to hear… not about you-know-who (oh, the shame) but about finding people in real life who are more interesting. Long story short, it’s a great start to a new school year. :)
To show my deepest gratitude, I offer this gift of ultra-strong catnip and a month-long supply of Whiskas.
(And marcku, if you need someone to conduct a comparison study of Temptation Island with you, I’m in.)
June 15th, 2011 at 11:31
Saffy, my son wants a dog and my daughter wants a cat. How should I go about this? Thanks.
June 15th, 2011 at 12:13
isaak: If you have enough space, get a cat and a dog. Cats and dogs can coexist in peace. If you live in an apartment or a condo, someone has to take the dog out for a long walk every day. If spayed/neutered, cats can make do with a smaller territory such as an apartment, but they will require a window where they can sit and view their domain.
It must be made clear to your spawn that if your household is to be increased by feline or canine companions, they must take charge of feeding, grooming and poop disposal. Responsibility. If they can’t handle it, they should stop asking.
June 15th, 2011 at 15:57
Happy birthday, Saffy! =)
My dad and I are planning to adapt more environmentally friendly ways of growing produce in our farm. Do you think there’s enough demand in the country for us to pursue organic produce, including free range eggs and grass fed cows? Thanks!
June 15th, 2011 at 16:15
tricycledriver: Yes, absolutely, and the demand is growing. Let us know where we can buy your products! Good luck and thanks for caring.
June 15th, 2011 at 16:35
pwede po ba 3 question kay Saffy?
1.) Ano opinion mo sa article ni Lynn Barber na berde ang dugo ni Nadal (di ko ma explain pero grabe ang gaydar na nasasagap ko kay Nadal as in para sa akin confirmmeed!! kafederasyones )
2.) Sasali kasi ako sa Wimbledon Fantasy League Game ng pex sino tingin mo ang dapat kong maging CP ? (Champion sa Gents and Ladies Singles)
3.) (choose 1)
a.) Naniniwala ka ba na ang tennis ay isang gay sports (at kung lalaki ka at tennis fans ka 99% ay gay ka!)
b.) Ano opinion mo sa nangyari kay Direk Ricky Rivero?
June 15th, 2011 at 16:49
Happy birthday, Saffy!
June 15th, 2011 at 17:20
swanoepel: 1. Kami ma’y nagtataka kung bakit ngayon lamang ito napuna gayong matagal nang kumakalembang ang aming gaydar tungkol diyan. At ano naman ang masama doon? Di naman mapapagkaila na magaling siyang tennis player. Minsan nama’y kumukuliling ang aming gaydar tuwing nakikita namin ang aming Tito Roger na kasama si Anna Wintour (at si Gavin Rossdale na umamin na siya’y nagka-relasyon sa lalaki). Kung anuman ang ikaliligaya nila, hindi namin sila pipigilan.
2. Si Tito Roger at si Tita Maria. Hindi naman kami masugid na tagahanga ni Tita Maria nguni’t kami’y inaantok sa ibang manlalaro (o kaya’y natatakot).
3.a. Wala namang laro na automatically gay. Kundi figure skating.
3.b. Alam namin kung ano ang inyong iniisip. Sana’y mahuli ang kriminal. Sandali lang, ano na ang nangyari sa kaso ng pananaksak kay Pilar Pilapil?
June 15th, 2011 at 17:37
Happy Birthday Incandescent One!
Mistress, I have been plotting to get a cat for a long long time but I move around a lot and have not yet decided where I will permanently reside. Shall I wait until I am settled down before I submit myself in service to a cat?
June 15th, 2011 at 17:51
the chronicler of boredom: You had best wait until you’ve found a residence for the long-term before you invite a cat to join your household. Cats do not like moving house. They do not like sudden changes in their environment. If you keep transferring residence they may express their displeasure by returning to a former address.
Also, if your cat shows an instantaneous and violent dislike towards someone you’ve brought home, do not trust that person. Similarly, if someone you know turns out to hate cats, you must cast that person out of your life immediately. We have spoken.
June 15th, 2011 at 18:29
Hmmmmnnnn…much gratitude.
June 15th, 2011 at 19:54
Happy Birthday Saffy!
We’re heading off to Munich at the end of July, do you have any suggestions on which places we should see while we’re there?
June 15th, 2011 at 20:36
mcshrewdy: Ve haff neffer been to Munich, sorry, but we are told that it is no place for teetotal vegetarians. Sausages and beer! Have a good time.
June 15th, 2011 at 22:31
Happy Birthday Saffy! I Love you! =)
June 15th, 2011 at 22:53
happy birthday saffy! sinong puppy love mo?
June 16th, 2011 at 03:30
Many happy returns, O Bubastis in the flesh!
When will we get to see your human’s novel in the shelves of our bookshops?
Regards as well to Koosi and Matt.
June 16th, 2011 at 05:23
Dear Saffy,
So I have this Siamese boss, goes by the name Prince, and he assumes he’s royalty because I call him that. Anyway, we’ve been together, or I have been his property for close to three years now, and I’m writing to you because his recent grooming habits have come to include me.
Here’s our routine. I get home at around ten in the morning, and the mere click of that lock sends him running from his room upstairs. He meezers his way downstairs to where I will be taking off my shoes, and then he starts rubbing his whole length off my legs. The Siamese are long cats. And their awful miaowing, which is to say guttural, is an acquired taste.
So I take off my shoes, deposit my coffee mug in the sink, and then go upstairs to change. He will be a foot away from me all that time, and he will be miaowing me to my death if I don’t pick him up and hold him like the baby that he is. Literally, like the baby that he is — I cradle that bothersome sweetheart for a full minute and I look at ourselves in the mirror. And then he licks my arm with that rough tongue; he uses his wet sandpaper when he’s cuddled enough. I have changed to my houseclothes by then, and then I will go down to sit on the sofa. He will still be a foot away from me.
Have I mentioned that I talk to Prince and then he miaows back? Always? Sometimes I assume that he’s cursing back, but I have come to expect that. Yes, he talks back, and I will far rather drown than talk shit in your presence.
So I sit down on the sofa and do nothing for some time; I will be reading a book or growing my Pokemon, whichever’s handy. And then this Prince will heave his weight on my stomach and curl into a ball. Have I mentioned that he’s a long cat, close to two feet, and he’s slender? Anyway, he makes sure that I’m uncomfortable enough with his hairy, curled up length before he starts to groom himself. You know how it goes — he starts with his right shoulder, gives it a few long licks, keeps his eyes shut all that time, bites himself some, and then rinses his left shoulder in the same manner. He then proceeds to fashion the small of his back with the same discipline, but he does so briefly because he’s curled up. What takes time, though, is his face. He licks his arm, whichever’s handy, until its moist enough and then he pushes his face on it two to three times. And then he moistens his arm again. And then again. And then again some more. Why, the world will have ended before he’s just about satisified with his handiwork. You’d think that he’ll be coughing up a hairball that can sink the Titanic anytime soon, but no. He proceeds to wash the right side of his face!
This feline ceremony seems to go on for hours when observed from a distance. Imagine the bother when he grooms himself while he’s lying down on you. But it gets more troublesome, though. Just when I think that he’s done and proper, he starts licking at my shirt. At first I thought he missed a spot, and then he might have over-licked or something, but he works at that same spot on my shirt, just above the stomach until it’s moist! I am not kidding you, Saffy, and I sure as hell am not imagining things. I can feel the friction between my shirt and his wet sandpaper, and it’s bothersome, but he doesn’t quit until I’ve had enough licking for the morning and shushes him. Shush! He pauses some, briefly looks at me with those deep blue cat eyes, and then continues with this extended regimen that has come to include my alarmed person. I then shove him away, and then he miaows something on his way up the window sill.
He’s done this quite a lot of times before, and I suspect he’ll be doing this again this morning when I get home.
I am writing this to you, Saffy, because I want to know — what’s up with Prince?
Licked,
Momel
P.S. I was meaning to address this to Aunt Janey, but I have elected to forward this to your attention first because it’s your birthday, and you’re a cat.
June 16th, 2011 at 09:49
Hi Saffy! Happy Birthday (Belated! – spoken in typical Pinoy fashion with emphasis on the second syllable, parang “Condolence!” )
Questions:
1. When will my reflection shine?
2. What do you think about open (homosexual) relationships?
Stellalehua and Markcu – can I join your Temptation Island Movie Date? I promise to be a great third wheel :D
June 16th, 2011 at 10:20
greeneggsnham: 1. When you are revealed to be Emma Frost. 2. Open gay relationships are infinitely preferable to secret gay relationships.
June 16th, 2011 at 10:35
Momel: Awww, Prince is sweet. Excessive grooming is often a sign of stress (that is assuming he has no fleas). Stressed cats can groom themselves so much they get bald spots. Prince does not want to go bald, so he grooms his human.
You must find out what it stressing him out. Cats are very sensitive to changes in their environment. Has your daily work schedule been altered? Perhaps he needs to be reassured that his human has not abandoned him. Does he have enough toys and distractions when you are away? Cats like windows so they can watch birds and imagine hunting them. Perhaps he is just lonely.
In short, your cat demands that you spend more time with him. You might consider getting another cat, though introducing a new one into the household is complicated initially.
June 16th, 2011 at 10:39
balqis: Thank you, human, greetings from the Eye of Ra. My human does not like the novel she wrote. She finds it of inferior quality and will not inflict it on readers. Perhaps when she has written a new one. Koosi and Mat say hello.