JessicaRulestheUniverse.com

They’re called pornstar martinis because they’re dirty (contain olive juice).

I had just spent ten days at Kate Middleton’s father’s old school living the life of a ten-year-old prep pupil. Up at 6 am, sitting down to a healthy breakfast at 7, school by 8, home by 5, dinner at 6, in bed by 8 pm. I’d never been so wholesome in my life, not even when I was ten.

My Gay Friend reacted as if I’d just gotten out of prison. “We must go out!” he declared, so my first night in London was spent purging my systems of all that goodness.

First we went to a gay bar named G-A-Y. If I were to open a bar called S-T-R-A-I-G-H-T would that be discrimination? G-A-Y serves San Miguel Beer on tap. I had a glass of wine sitting next to two burly men smooching. Someone’s Saturday night was off to a flying start, and the sun was still out.

In Emotional Weather Report, today in the Philippine Star.