Auntie Janey’s Old Fashioned Agony Column # 20: If you beg him to come back I will hunt you down and bitch-slap you.
Warning: This post is illustrated with a video featuring men dancing with no shirts on.
Dear Auntie Janey,
I’ve been seeking advice from support groups and other so-called relationship experts about this matter. However, nothing seems to help me out. You see, it’s been more than a month since my worst nightmare happened. My boyfriend and I have been together for over five years. He’s almost 25 years old and I’m almost 24. However, he still lives by his family’s rules.
He is such a momma’s boy, and his whole family is so rude. We can’t even go on a vacation without his whole family’s approval. He’s already working and we’ve lived together for almost a year—secretly. His family found out, however, and stormed over to our apartment and called me names. They yelled at me, mocked me, insulted me, cursed me. They also went to my mother’s house, without invitation, to say things about me. They even kicked stuff around the apartment and forced my boyfriend to go home with them. They would not leave without him. I told them that they have no right to act that way because that was my apartment too; but they said that they have every right to do whatever they want because he (my boyfriend) is their son and his apartment is also theirs. WTF, right?
Note that they do not pay a single cent for the apartment. I pay for my share of the apartment yet they claim that they have more rights than I do because he is their son. They pointed at me, cursed me, insulted me, etc. The uncle even said that he would very much prefer that my boyfriend die rather than suffer from being with me. They humiliated me; the neighbors heard, of course. My chicken boyfriend had no choice but to go with them. The main point of their rage was they don’t want my boyfriend to live with me. They want him to stay like a child and live with them until he’s old. Seriously. They said that that is their culture and I should live by their rules. (Note that part of their ‘culture’ involves treating close neighbors, co-workers, and friends like relatives. How weird is that??).
Anyway, how about my culture? I grew up in a normal environment. So, as a decent person, I went over to their house (which is two hours away) and apologized. Yes, it was I who apologized even if I was the one harassed in my own place. They were very rude. The whole family thinks that they are good people and that I’m evil (because I’m modern and I don’t live in my parents’ house anymore). DUH? For them, nothing is more important than family (not even education, jobs, etc.). Anyway, since I went there and swallowed my pride just to be with this guy, they let my boyfriend talk to me and visit me. They still did not apologize.
I think they brainwashed my guy because he started acting differently. His uncle would even give him a ride to work. Back in college, his mommy and little brother fetched him from school for days because we (my boyfriend and I) had a huge fight. They were very, very nosy! They tried to keep him away even though I was the victim. He lied to me a thousand times but I forgave him. I really like this guy, but I’m not sure if I can stay sane knowing that his family is crazy. I want a normal life, a normal boyfriend, and a normal family in the future. If I stick with him I’m not sure if I can live “normally”.
What should I do? Please do not suggest that I or he talk to his family. Why? Because no amount of talk would convince them that they are wrong and their family traditions are not normal. Plus, my guy does not have the balls to upset his mommy even just a little bit. He even cries when she gets mad at him. He’s a wuss but I love him. I hate his whole psycho family.
Truly Yours,
Outraged and Insulted
P.S. He now lives with his mom, stepdad, brother, grandma, grandpa, uncles, aunts, cousins, his entire family! His biological father left his mom when he was very young, probably because he was sane enough to walk away.
Dear Outraged and Insulted,
It has recently come to my attention that Kylie Minogue had a concert in Manila. I discovered this matter when people started talking about the astronomical ticket prices. I am not a fan and my earliest memory of her is of her buttocks encased in very tight and skimpy gold shorts in the opening sequence of her video “Spinning Around”. I was very preoccupied with Britney Spears, N’Sync, Jennifer Lopez and Linkin Park back then and I just could not grasp Kylie’s music. But the buttocks made an indelible mark on my consciousness.
When I heard about the Aphrodite tour, my reaction was, “She has a new album?” I dutifully searched for the video of “Get Outta My Way” and listened to it closely. After playing the song a couple of times, I shrugged and went to sleep. But from the moment I sat down to work the following day, the song just kept playing over and over in my head. Kylie had once again embedded herself in my consciousness. She must be incorporating subliminal hooks in her songs as a marketing tactic. Since then there has not been a day that Kylie has not squeaked in my head, in fact it’s happening right now…“What’s the worst thing that could happen to you?”
Actually this is the question I’m asking you. It seems you have not yet hit rock bottom and based on your narrative I predict worse things are still to happen. If you want to be pushed deeper into the mud while fighting for your love, I will not stop you. Nothing will change, however, and you will be unhappy for a long, long, time.
I am concerned for your happiness and well-being. There is no point in enduring this suffering. Yes, there are things worth holding on to and fighting for, but your boyfriend is not one of them. Has he really ever fought for you? It seems you are the only one who is fighting for your relationship. In the process you have allowed yourself to be debased and embarrassed. They violated your privacy and humiliated your mother. You have long relinquished your power. By allowing yourself to be treated in such a manner, you have ensured that his family will never respect you. It seems your boyfriend does not respect you, either. Do not make excuses for him.
I learned sometime ago that you cannot make someone love you by being compliant and submissive. If you do that, people will take you for granted, push you around and even take advantage of you. Love and respect come hand in hand. How do you gain respect? You must think of yourself as something valuable and act accordingly.
I am not saying you should be a snooty bitch. Be polite, kind and thoughtful but never take crap from anybody. Be friendly and engaging but never be clingy. Be humble but never be a doormat. Never apologize for something that you did not do. We must also know how to fight fiercely. When the occasion really calls for it, be angry and show it. We are the ones who actually train people how to treat us. We are the ones who set the standards on how other people will deal with us. If you lower your standards, you will be treated like a guest in a low-rent lice-infested motel.
If you want to determine if your boyfriend really wants to be with you, let him seek you out. Let him walk through forests of thorns and tiptoe his way around landmines so that he could be with you. He himself must fight for his love for you, if he does love and want you. He is not powerless and helpless. The last thing I want you to do is crawl and beg him to come to you. If you do that I will hunt you down and bitch-slap you, pour ice cold water on you if you pass out and bitch-slap you again.
Wait for a reasonable time (I will not give you a definite period. Figure it out for yourself). If he doesn’t come for you, turn your back, fix your life, and move on singing, “Leave you, move on/To a perfect stranger/You talk I walk/Wanna feel the danger/See me with him and it’s turnin’ you on/Got me saying getting me back it’d be another song/ Get outta my way/Got no more to say/He’s takin’ your place”.
Yours truly and without exaggeration,
Aunt Jane
* * * * *
The opinions expressed in Auntie Janey’s Old-Fashioned Agony Column are those of the agony columnist alone and do not reflect the opinions of the owner and administrator of JessicaRulestheUniverse.com. As with all advice, follow at your own peril.
Having uttered the disclaimer, we second, third, fourth and fifth the motion on Auntie Janey’s advice in this case. Our anti-doormat policy is absolutely non-negotiable.
Would you like Auntie Janey to meddle in your life? Email agoniesforauntiejaney@gmail.com.
July 8th, 2011 at 02:12
Leave your spineless boyfriend. He’s no good for you. Promise. I agree very much with Auntie Janey.
July 8th, 2011 at 02:19
Ay, Randy Blue models dancing to Kylie!
July 8th, 2011 at 02:36
Sabi nga ni Kylie, “no how, no way!” I totally support the anti-doormat policy, though I must confess I can be one at times. Thanks for posting the Kylie video tribute, Auntie Janey! Those of us who watched the concert are still on an Aphrodite high.
July 8th, 2011 at 03:18
If I stick with him I’m not sure if I can live “normally”.
I’m sure she can’t. Because of “no amount of talk would convince them that they are wrong and their family traditions are not normal. Plus, my guy does not have the balls to upset his mommy even just a little bit.” If she wants to be accepted by his family, she will have to “join” them. Which still leads to life that, to her, is not normal. (But if she gets used to it, then it would become normal, right? Hmm.)
“His biological father left his mom when he was very young, probably because he was sane enough to walk away.”
She can’t walk away. So what does that make her?
I have a question though… What’s so great about the wuss that she can’t let go?
July 8th, 2011 at 03:47
Kind of getting a creepy Kisapmata/House on Zapote Street vibe from this guy’s family. Ms Outraged and Insulted, be very careful– even if his family one day suddenly appears to have had a change of heart or starts acting ‘nice’ towards you or invites you to reconciliatory dinner. They seem crazy enough to do anything in order to ‘protect’ this man of yours.
July 8th, 2011 at 03:51
My thoughts are somewhat similar. Love conquers all, but only if you’re armed appropriately.
And I went to the Kylie Minogue concert! There were a similar amount of sexy half-naked men dancing around to her music. Much fun was had.
July 8th, 2011 at 04:34
Yeah.
Wake up. Break up.
July 8th, 2011 at 07:54
is the wimp chinese?
July 8th, 2011 at 09:31
I’d join in bitch-slapping you hard. Really.
July 8th, 2011 at 10:35
you know exactly what you need to do. quit tanga-tangahan school of acting. free, be free! :D
July 8th, 2011 at 10:52
noelz: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! If you see a single earthworm, run!!!
July 8th, 2011 at 12:42
Maraming ibang Dakota Harrison dian, gerl.
July 8th, 2011 at 13:54
Is your love for him strong enough for you to spend the rest of your life fighting a couple’s share of battles singlehandedly? I hope not. No one deserves to be that stupid and pathetic.
Quitting him is easier said than done. Enlist the help of friends and family, take up a hobby, get yourself a pet, or focus on your career. Hopefully, you get to laugh at how stupid you were someday soon. Better if you get to do this alongside the man who truly deserves you. But that’s getting way ahead of where you are right now…
Kaya girl, sumali ka na sa pakontes na kasalukuyang nagaganap (Letters to Your Ex). Kung manalo ka, edi bongga, may bago kang babasahing makakatulong sa iyo upang makalimutan siya. Kahit di ka man pagpalain, , yung catharsis ng pagsusulat sa kanya na wari’y walang-wala na kayo ay isang malaking pakonswelo. Tiyak yon!
May isa’t kalahating araw ka pa! :D
July 8th, 2011 at 16:44
It’s not a question. HE IS CHINESE.
July 8th, 2011 at 16:57
Wake up. This is not a Korean drama. Even Korean drama heroines know how to leave their abusive boyfriends and scary families.
July 8th, 2011 at 18:16
Bongga mga talak ni Auntie Janey. Very much shoot. Ngunit mas shoot yung segue ni Greeneggs sa Letters to Your Ex. Ahaha, nyosok sa banga ni Jangga!
July 8th, 2011 at 19:14
aylahvet.
July 8th, 2011 at 23:14
Dear Outraged and Insulted,
Have you ever asked yourself the reason why you are so attracted to a guy who’s practically a coward? I think sometime before you realized the trouble you will get if you stayed with him but turned a blind eye to that. Or, another hypothesis would be: you know such problems and actually enjoy the drama.
His mother does not want to let him go because of abandonment issues she has suffered with her husband leaving them. Essentially, the boy is the only “remnant” of that relationship. Also, I would probably guess they’re Chinese by the way you describe them.
Let him go or not, it’s only gonna be you who would benefit or suffer in the long run.
July 9th, 2011 at 01:16
It has recently been brought to my attention that the guy involved is not Chinese.
Let’s cut the Chinese some slack. :-)
July 10th, 2011 at 03:05
Ridonkylous. Is the sex really that good?
July 12th, 2011 at 09:39
Dear Outraged and Insulted, Do you have a conscience? If the answer is in the negative well, here are some tips to keep you man. Wait for a family gathering. A very big one, yes perhaps a 5oth wedding anniversary or a Christmas shindig. The more, the merrier. Then poison the whole lot. Make sure your man is not there. If you have absolutely no trust in the Philippine justice system, I’m sure you’ll get away with it. Massacres here are mostly left unsolved anyway. If you still want to keep your man but not enough to commit clannicide, well, there’s mind control. Contact your friendly neighborhood Illuminati and make sure that he’ll be wrapped around your little finger well enough to disregard kith and kin.