Mat is 10! Today he is The Oracle.
Happy Birthday, Matthias Eomer Octavian Federer-Urban!
You may ask your questions now. Mat will answer them until midnight.
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Personal blog of Jessica Zafra, author of The Collected Stories and the Twisted series
Answers to questions you might be asking, unless you wandered onto this site purely by accident >>>
August 16th, 2011 at 13:03
Happy birthday Mat! In honor of your birthday I shall offer you this hamster-shaped fur pouch filled with the most potent catnip known to feline-dom.
My question: I am currently writing a novel in my spare time. Should I go with the ending I have in mind, or keep writing and see how it ends on its own?
August 16th, 2011 at 16:56
stellalehua: You are the first human to post a question so we are giving you a bonus. Within the next 3 days your crush will speak to you. We cannot say in what context, but your crush will speak to you. Thank you for the catnip. We are having sashimi for our birthday.
The answer to your question is: The novel writes itself.
August 16th, 2011 at 19:29
Omedetou tanjobi Mat-san! How I wish I can stroke your immaculate fur. Here is my question:
Who stole Paris Hilton’s 2 iPhones?
August 16th, 2011 at 19:38
bloodberry: They disappeared into the vacuum of her celebrity.
August 16th, 2011 at 19:39
Happy birthday, Mat!
My question for The Oracle: I woke up this morning to the voice of my mom telling my cousins that I’m a matandang dalaga. She thought I was still asleep. I’m 32 and I have a decent work-at-home job. I guess the comment has something to do with the fact that I don’t have a boyfriend or a kid – had one “sort of relationship” before which she didn’t know about.
Should I be hurt?
August 16th, 2011 at 19:41
Happy birthday Mat!
I am currently looking for a job. A company located in the rectum of Manila has already offered employment. The compensation is quite good but I am having hesitations in accepting the offer as their office is located in a crime-free area (not!) and I value my life. Also, their office is in a flood-prone part of Manila and I don’t have a scuba gear at the moment.
Should I give in to material needs and accept the job or should I just look elsewhere for employment?
August 16th, 2011 at 19:51
sizzlingsuzie: It is not for The Oracle to tell you how you feel. Your mother like many women of her generation was trained to believe that marriage is the ideal state for a woman of 32 and that the ultimate purpose of a woman’s life is to spawn. She probably did not intend to be hurtful, it is simply how she was programmed.
August 16th, 2011 at 19:54
scheherazade: You are looking for someone to take the responsibility for a decision you have already made. Trying to trick us hahahaha!
August 16th, 2011 at 20:34
Happy Birthday Mat!
The person I fancy told me he considers me his intellectual partner. Is there any chance that our relationship will go further than this?
August 16th, 2011 at 20:38
superboink: If his self-esteem is high, yes. If not, he will likely go for an intellectual inferior.
August 16th, 2011 at 21:14
Hahaha. Kurak! Scapegoat. That way if someone berates me for not accepting that job, I could say that the very charming and intelligent Oracle had spoken and I was powerless to resist his cuteness.
By the way what I meant to say was “I don’t have scuba gear at the moment”.
August 16th, 2011 at 21:36
Oh, thank you, O True Sagacious Oracle, for your wisdom! Enjoy your wonderful sashimi feast!
August 16th, 2011 at 22:10
Happy Birthday Lord of the Rohirrim!
We are about to invite some high-profile speakers for a class seminar and I’m wondering what sort of tokens should we give to them that are not tacky and yet not too expensive. Can you direct us to a store that offers a lot of choices? They are mostly middle-aged men.
Thank you very much!
August 16th, 2011 at 22:18
Happy birthday Mat! For about two and a half months now, I’ve been working on an air-conditioning manufacturing company here in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia and I’ve been seeing a lot of cats roaming around the factory. I wanted to take photos of them but I’m afraid I might get terminated — for whatever reason, I’m also unsure. Maybe when I become a regular, I could try taking photos but whether the cats would allow is another question.
Yesterday, while checking waiting for a particular material to be done, I sat on a small empty barrel and a playful cat approached me and started playing will my shoe laces. I knew I had to play along so I took out my ID lace which he almost chewed into pieces and before I knew it, the material I was waiting for has been completed and the machine operator already shouting my name.
Stray cats here have different fur patterns than the ones back home. So far I’ve never seen any sporting ginger furs, they’re all wearing white, black, gray and greenish gray combinations.
And for my question, will the vector artist be able to complete my vector art at least a week before the end of the month?
August 16th, 2011 at 22:54
Happy birthday Matthias! More kibblers and treats for you to come :D
My question: Why is rootbeer float sooo addictive? I’m on my 2nd week now!
August 16th, 2011 at 23:01
kotsengkuba: Cats generally do not mind being photographed. We know that cuteness is a powerful weapon and we do not hesitate to use it. It appears you have already been adopted by a cat! Next you will be offering him milk.
Regarding the vector art: It will be finished when it is finished, but contingency plans are always good.
August 16th, 2011 at 23:09
the chronicler of boredom: High-profile, middle-aged, not tacky, not too expensive. . .Lamy fountain pens. Elegant and well-made, and the prices start at P600.
August 16th, 2011 at 23:13
brewhuh23: Rootbeer float is addictive because it is a double sugar whammy: rootbeer and ice cream. Cats do not like sugar and carbs.
August 16th, 2011 at 23:56
O wise and revered oracle, how does one go about not loving someone? Would acting superior and insinuating they never deserved your attentions anyway work?
August 17th, 2011 at 00:02
Dear Mat,
A friend is seeing this punk for three weeks now. This punk has a wife and a kid. The wife knows about them two, and she’s okay with their situation as long as he’s not womanizing. Now this friend is falling for this punk, because he claims he’s never felt this much of a woman.
Should he continue seeing this punk?
Happy Birthday!
August 17th, 2011 at 00:33
Ejia: Unfortunately one can only wait for the affliction to subside. Pretending only makes it more obvious.
August 17th, 2011 at 00:45
Momelia: We have observed that in these situations telling people to cease and desist only makes them cling very hard. If
youyour friend feels like this after three weeksyouhe may demand complete and exclusive rights to the punk after another three weeks and that will be messy. We do not like messes. We hope your umm friend is not the sole means of support of punk and family, or that if he is, he is very rich and can afford two households.August 17th, 2011 at 00:50
Ahhh, got it, no clinging, no demands. And I’ll tell him to drop it if the word supply should become a concern. Thank you, Mat!
August 17th, 2011 at 02:03
Mat – happy birthday! You’re beautiful.
Is my baby going to be a boy or girl?
August 17th, 2011 at 09:16
Happy Birthday Mat!
Here’s my question: It’s my 9th year in the call center industry and I’m thinking I need a change in career. I majored in Journalism with no experience whatsoever. Do I rock the boat and risk failure or stay settled and discontent?
August 17th, 2011 at 10:01
Hi Matt! Happy birthday!
Question. Do I go for the person I like to be with or the person who gives me great sex?
August 17th, 2011 at 10:42
Hello Mat, Happy birthday! I’m a guy who likes guys. I’m single for almost a year now. Anyway, I’m “talking” to these two guys, the first one I met on the internet, the other one, a guy from the office. Do you foresee any of them becoming my boyfriend?
August 17th, 2011 at 13:24
Happy birthday Mat! I have 10 adult cats, all lovely and well cared for, the males have been spayed, but the girls havent been yet. A feral cat came in to our compound and impregnated 2 females. Now I have 10 cute kittens that are almost 2 months old. What should I do? Can the Oracle help me find homes for these kittens?? Thank you.
August 17th, 2011 at 14:14
Happy birthday, Mat! :) You look spiffy!
August 17th, 2011 at 15:42
jeromeshuny: Boy! Girl! Boy! Girl!
August 17th, 2011 at 15:43
scrippsy: Thank you. We are full of spiff. We love sashimi.
August 17th, 2011 at 15:44
pelikula76: Send photos of the kittens to urban.matthias@gmail.com and we will put them up for adoption.
August 17th, 2011 at 15:45
kracle: Pick the one you met on the internet. That way if it goes kaput you don’t have to see him every day hahahaha.
August 17th, 2011 at 15:45
greeneggsnham: We are MAT. We would pick both but we are a cat.
August 17th, 2011 at 15:56
umkemewannalala: We showed this question to our human, who laughed uproariously and said, “What makes him think he will find contentment in Journalism, a career fueled by discontent?” Before making your decision you could try getting published, and then see if the minuscule fee for your labors does not crush your spirit.
August 17th, 2011 at 16:02
Thank you mat!! Thank your human for us too!!!
August 17th, 2011 at 17:02
that’s uh, helpful Mat, thanks. Enjoy your day!
Hi Kracle! ;) *flirts*