The Weekly LitWit Challenge 7.9: Addictions
The Weekly LitWit Challenge 7.9: Addictions is no longer accepting entries. We’re very pleased to see stories from first-time participants. The winner will be announced in a day or two.
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Until we can lay eyes on the actual movie we’ve been reading the reviews of Shame by Steve McQueen. As you know it is about a sex addict played by Michael Fassbender. The reviews have been mixed—many critics have noted that the sex is the movie is strangely non-erotic. Since the protagonist is a sex addict, isn’t that the point?
This got us to thinking about addictions and how at some point the substance, thing, or activity one is addicted to ceases to be fun. Sounds like material for a LitWit challenge.
In 1,000 words or less, write us a story from the POV of an addict who no longer enjoys whatever it is they’re addicted to (sex, drugs, alcohol, shopping, whatever) but can’t bring themselves to stop.
The deadline is noon on Saturday, 10 December 2011. The winner will receive these three books: The Thousand Autumns of Jacob de Zoet by David Mitchell, Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy by John LeCarré, and Faceless Killers by Henning Mankell.
The Weekly LitWit Challenge is brought to you by our friends at National Bookstore.
Thank you for following the Weekly LitWit Challenge. Unfortunately the volunteer English teaching program we had planned fell through, but yesterday we turned over a donation of school supplies to NBS Foundation’s Project Aral. In the coming months we will make regular donations to schools in need.
Answers to questions you might be asking, unless you wandered onto this site purely by accident >>>
December 6th, 2011 at 14:50
Which one this time? I head straight to the stash before I even drop my bag on the floor of my room. I scan through the discs, some with pictures on the up side, some clear and shiny as the reverse. The one set in Venice? Hmm. It’d be nice to see all those bridges and gondolas, but, oh yes, the dialogue is in French. I can hardly get past the “Oui, oui, oui.” The one set in a ranch is hot, but the cowgirls look like they walked off a Hollywood movie set rather than getting calluses from milking the cows. Not that that’s a bad thing, but I like my farm girls to be authentic. (That scene at the barn though…whew). I kept digging. The Eastern European ones are always nice. Maybe I should revisit the one in the mansion, with those two Czech barmaids and the strange drifter who comes…between them. Or this homemade one with the handheld camera and that girl who swears it’s her first time. Or maybe this one, a crime drama that tips a hat off to Ludlum…The Porne Identity. Yeah maybe this one. The leading lady’s tits are huge and she’s shaved and…
I shiver.
I take the disc out and put the stack back in the drawer. I pop TPI in the player, but the screen remains blue. Damn wires. I adjust the cord until a picture appears onscreen. I see the stack of books on my bed and suddenly, for a split second, consider picking up the one with a bookmark and just lose myself in that. But I push the books away. I arrange the pillows, placing one on top of the other against the headrest. I reach for the remote and hit Play. I know exactly which part to go to, when they capture the hero and he gets it on with his lady captors, all four of them. I know the dialogue by heart (or what passes as dialogue anyway), know exactly what the girls are wearing and have the positions and variations over the 42-minute scene memorized.
I kill the lights, stretch out on the bed and start to undo my belt. The action starts onscreen. The hero is sitting on a chair blindfolded, bound and gagged. The four henchwomen, dressed in leather and thigh-high boots, surround him. I stare mindlessly at the screen, knowing exactly what was going to happen. The familiarity is sickening, but I go on anyway. I feel like I am looking straight through the TV, past the walls of my room and into a dark abyss. The gasps and moans from the TV start to fill the room, and I reach for the remote to lower the volume. It takes a few minutes for me to get aroused, but when I do, the process is quick. A few strokes and I’m done. The women onscreen aren’t even fully undressed yet.
Like a zombie I go through the motions post-orgasm: I wipe myself up with tissues I keep handy near the bed, put my boxers on, press Stop on the remote, eject the disc, put it back in the drawer, turn the lights back on and stretch back out on the bed. I stare up at the ceiling, wishing I smoked so I would have something to do. Outside, a car drives past. A cat in heat meows loudly as it negotiates the roof of a neighbor’s house. Muffled sounds of the evening newscast drift from the apartment next door. I smell the stench of my cum hovering over my room, but I don’t care. I stare straight ahead at the ceiling, waiting for something. Anything.
My thoughts drift back to the stash inside the secret drawer. I remember one set in Morocco, or some country with a desert, where the girl gets gangbanged by a bunch of headscarf-wearing bandits. My loins tingle and I turn my head in the direction of the drawer.
Dammit.
December 7th, 2011 at 00:30
Shet! Anak ng ….! Pak yu!
Hindi ko akalain na magiging ganito ako, Oo, alam ko na hindi naayon ang magsalita ng puta, tarantado, at balbal sa harap ng mga tao lalung-lalo na kung masaya at nakakatawa ang pinag-uusapan o pinapanood at normal lang ang kwentuhan, pwede pa siguro kung nakakatakot at nakakabad-trip ang sitwasyon eh pero anak ng …. pati kapag minsan na nagugulat ako nasasabi ko puro bastos na salita na hindi ko na namamalayan, sinasabi na lang sa akin yung mga sinasabi ko tapos ngumingisi na lang sila. Tsaka kapag may gusto akong sabihin na hindi ko masabi ng maayos ay maauwi na lang sa pagasabi ng “Sheeeeet!”
Nag-umpisa kasi itong “mura spree” ko na ito noong nasa elementarya ako, binabawalan kaming magmura sa bahay at sa eskwelahan, eh syempre batang-bata palang ako nun kaya ng dahil sa ka-inosentehan at “curiosity” ay nagawa kong magmura sa klase namin, wala lang trip ko lang, wala naman yung guro namin eh, tsaka si mama, papa, lolo at lola eh, kaya “I’m free!!” Nag-enjoy ako sa pagmumura, naririnig ako ng mga kaklase ko pero wala silang magawa, pati naman sila eh nakigaya rin, kaya walang nagsubong ni isa man sa mga guro namin..bwahahaha! Syempre, pag-uwi ko naman sa bahay parang anghel nananaman ako sa sobrang bait kung maginarte, walang alam sina papa, mama, lolo at lola na inubos ko na ang araw ko sa kakasabi ng mga mura. Masunuring bata ako noon.
Tumagal ang aking ”mura spree” hanggang ngayon na matanda na ako, naging hobby ko na ito, hindi ko matangal sa dila ko. Kahit anong reaksyon na ibigay ko, maganda man o pangit ay may kasamang mura. Ang mura parang kape kapag nasobrahan ka eh nerbyos ang abot mo, kaya lalo ka na lang mapapamura. Serious ito. Gustong-gusto ko ng tumigil sa pagmumura, tinatry ko ng alisin sa katawan ko ang mura pero pilit parin bumabalik sa akin ang mga salitang mala-suso ang kapit, mighty bond naman kung dumikit sa aking balat. Paano? O Paanoooooo?! Lecheng buhay ‘to!! Inaayos ko na nga pagbuka ng aking bibig na kahit gustong-gusto ko ng isabog sa pagmumukha ng mga tao eh todo pigil ang bungnganga ko. Ngingiti na lamang ako. Plastik! Gaga! Kesa naman sa sumimangot ako sa harap ng mga tao, di ba? Ewan.
Sisipsip na lang siguro ako ng Halls o Maxx. Yung menthol o eucalyptus para ma-soothe yung bibig ko tsaka ngala-ngala. Zipper ang labi, walang letrang ilalabas, iwas mura, iwas disgrasya. Ayos na iyon. Sayang naman yung minty fresh breath.
December 7th, 2011 at 01:07
suresuresure … “The Porne Identity”???/ LOL
December 8th, 2011 at 04:50
Mainit. 12noon. Lunchtime. Mataas ang sikat ng araw at tapat na tapat ang wagas na UV rays sa scarlp ko habang helpless akong nakatayo sa gitna ng kalsada. Tagaktak na ang pawis ko. At napalitan na ng amoy-araw ang Issey Miyake na kaninang umaga ko pa naispray. May naririnig akong busina ng mga jeep. Kanina pa pala ako nakaharang sa daan. Demmet! I can’t make up my mind!
I really can’t make up my mind. Bukas pa ang sweldo. Saktong singkwenta pesos na lang ang dala ko. Hanggang bukas pa to. Kakakain ko lang sa TongYang. Swerte nga at libre iyon ng officemate kong nagbirthday. Dapat busog na ako ngayon.
Dapat busog na ako at dapat hindi na ako dumaan dito sa kantong to. Alam kong mangyayari to pero di din naman napigilan ng mga paa ko na dumaan dito. Ang digestive system ko at ang paa ko– magkaagapay sa pag-ubos ng natitirang pera sa wallet ko. Nakita ko na naman si ate. Siksik at walang kalugi-luging binubudburan ng chicharon at bawang ang masaganang sauce na kulay orange sa puting bihon noodles (Pasensiya na kung bihon ang tawag ko sa noodles. Lahat ng noodles saken ay bihon). Palabok, palalamunin mo na naman ako.
Palalamunin at pahihirapan mo na naman ako. Pecha de peligro ko na. Kapit na kapit na ako sa singkwenta pesos ko. Pero dahil sa iyo, at dahil 25php ka (kahit maglakad na lang ako bukas papuntag opisina), bibilhin kita. Nakakapanglaway. Nakakapanghinayang kapag hindi kita matikman ngayon. Kahit kahapon lamang ay nakuha kita sa Red Ribbon, iba pa rin iyong ngayon, sa ibang tindahan, sa ibang pagkakataon, sa ibang panahon. Nagbabakasakali lang na baka mag-iba ang lasa mo. Mag-iba to the point na mawawalan ako ng gana sa iyo.
Mawalan ng gana? Asa pa ako! Kahit kulang ka pa sa ingredients, kahit malabnaw ang sauce mo, kahit hindi pogi ang nagseserve sa iyo sa akin, mapamura ka man o mapamahal, hinding hinding hindi kita pagsasawaan! Magsasawa ako sa boyfriend ko pero parang malabo pag sa iyo.
Pero malabo din yatang maangkin ka ng bibig ko. Singkwenta na lang ang pera ko. Hindi ko naman maatim na maglakad papuntang office. Napaka-pathetic ko naman non. Ako, na kumikita ng higit pa sa kinikita ng nakararami, ay makikitang naglalakad papuntang opisina, dahil lang hindi makatiis sa palabok. At paano kung delay na naman ang sweldo bukas? Saan ako kukuha ng perang bubuhay sa akin? Ang 25php na ikakain ko ng palabok ay sapat na para makabili ako ng burger na tigsasampung piso lang at softdrinks kung saka-sakaling madelay ang sweldo at wala akong pangkain. Pero ang kulit ng kulay mong ponkan na ponkan! Nahuhuli talaga ang peripheral vision ko. Haay!
Haaay! Anong gagawin ko? Ang higpit ng hawak ko sa bag ko na naglalaman ng wallet na naglalaman ng perang bubuhay sa akin bago ilang oras bago magsweldo. Kung pwede ka lang sanang hindi na lang naging masarap.
December 8th, 2011 at 15:59
9:00 I arrive at the office. I turn on the computer and log on to http://www.facebook.com. Hmmm, what do we have here? Sandra, the annoying girl I went to high school with was in Singapore last weekend. She posted pictures of the trip. She went there with her cute boyfriend. Tse.
Scroll down.
A “friend” posted a music video: “Pumped Up Kids” by Foster the People. He raves about it like it’s the coolest thing in the world. I put in the comment section, “That song is sooo 2010. Lame. You should listen to M83’s “Hurry Up, We’re Dreaming”.”
Scroll down, scroll down, scroll down.
10:00 Oops, I need to check my email pala. Username. Password. I have an email from the boss asking me to prepare a certain report. Istorbo. It would only take me 1 hour to make that report so I go Facebooking again.
Uy, a college friend posted a video about the break up of actress K and actor P. I clicked play and watched the 20-minute vid. Chismosa talaga mga ‘to pero sige na nga. I “liked” the video and “shared” it so my 579 friends could see it.
Scroll down, scroll down. What am I doing? I have work to do. I close the tab showing my Facebook and start doing the report my boss assigned to me.
10:15 I am done with 10% of my task. I itch opening my Facebook again. 8 likes and 5 comments. The annoying classmate from high school commented, “Gosh, ang dami na pa lang nangyari last weekend. I just went to Singapore and then this greeted me?”
I don’t want to engage in a conversation with her so I just “liked” her comment. I take a mental note that I’ll “hide” her if I see one more annoying post from her.
Karen, a former colleague, said in her comment: “Ikaw na ang updated!!! Kalowka si K, i-out daw ba si P?”
I reply, “IKR?!”
New notification. CityVille’s on sale!!! OMG, OMG. They have new items that’d surely look good in my city. But I have a report to do and..and.. Click. I’m gonna fix my city. Sandra’s city looks better than mine. Hah, hindi ako makakapayag! Teka…
Harvest..plant…buy new items…re-arrange establishments, roads…etc-etc.
11:30 Boss’ secretary asks me if I’m done with the report. “I haven’t started doing it. Nag-hang yung computer ko. Pero okay na siya ngayon. Wait lang ha.” Secretary leaves. I’m back on CityVille mode.
12:00 Ay, lunch na pala!
13:35 New email. What another report??? Ang dami namang pinapagawa, leche! I’m not yet done with the other report tapos meron ulit??? I go to Facebook and post Paula Abdul’s “Rush, Rush” (featuring Keannu Reeves) I “liked” it and put a comment: “Grabe, lahat na lang kelangan i-rush?”
Scroll down, scroll down.
Jen had lunch at Jack’s Loft. Like.
Mark was feeling sleepy in a meeting. Like.
Trina can’t wait to go Christmas shopping at Greenhills. Like.
Michelle wants some Starbucks coffee now na. Like.
Friends, pa-like naman ng page na ‘to. Like!
14:00 The secretary goes to my work station again. “I’m almost done with the first report. My computer is cooperating na.” She leaves. Imbiyerna. Good thing I already unsubscribed to her Facebook page.
15:00 I’m done with the report, finally! I prepare a cup of coffee. The receptionist sees me and eagerly tells me that she saw the video I posted on Facebook so we discuss it. Pa-share daw. Sure!
15:30 What’s my other task for today again? Oh, another report. Le sigh. Wait lang, 3 people liked my “Rush, Rush” video. I add a comment: “Thanks guys for liking this video!”
I check CityVille. Harvest, plant, re-arrange establishments. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. Lemme see nga kung sino available to chat.
16:30 It’s already 4:30??? Kaya pala I’m hungry na. I go to the nearest 7/11 to buy my favorite stuffed pandesal and Slurpee. Brain freeze!!!
16:35 “Are you done with the second report boss asked you to do?” I hate this secretary. I wish I could “hide” her in real life!!!
“Hindi pa eh. Uhm, it’s almost five. Pwede bukas na lang?”
“Okay, but you need to submit to boss first thing in the morning. *Sighs*”
16:45 Ang gondo-gondo na ng city ko sa CityVille! Winner!!!
16:55 Sandra updates her status: “I miss Singapore. I fell in love with it! Guys, check out our photos!”
HIDE!!!!!
December 9th, 2011 at 01:07
tita.. sounds like you enjoy being a facebook addict =)
December 9th, 2011 at 13:08
*http://www.somegaysocialnetworkingsite.com/profiles/lonelyhunter84/
It’s tiresome to wake up in the morning and you don’t speak to a single person. Everybody is getting along with their family or friends or their lovers. Well, I live alone, and I guess I am always looking for someone I could really click with.
[Hi, I’m Carson, 5’6″, 120 lbs., seeking friends to hang out with. Hobbies include drinking warm beer, not doing anything, self-therapy through reading and ranting, and waiting for guys to send me a message. Anyone more good-looking than me, which is common, and smarter than me, which is quite uncommon, is eligible. Please respond with something other than a hi or hello, something that is interesting.]
I’ve met some persons through this site. Meeting anyone in any other way seemed ridiculous to me, or even impossible. It’s because I don’t go out a lot. It’s inefficient.
[Yes to beer, books, aimless conversations, classical music, and home buddies. No to alcohol or nicotine-free guys, church-goers, metrosexuals, and clubbing.]
I still have that notion that my soul mate will be brought to me by the universe. But why can’t the universe bring it to me now? It can, really, but I think maybe I might have missed it.
[Straight-acting in public is a plus. I know it’s an act, but the effort is appreciated. We could dance to Lady Gaga and sing to Mariah Carey when we are alone.]
I’ve written a lot of these headlines and profiles, and the only thing that I’ve really learned from all that writing is how to become a better writer. Not that I am a writer, but I once aspired to be one. And maybe I’m still aspiring to be.
[Hi, I’m Carson, 5’6″, 120 lbs., seeking someone who would pretend to be my boyfriend. We just have to ignore each other. We don’t have to talk or have sex. I’m comfortable being alone. I am just looking for someone to be alone with.]
Okay, here’s the thing. It’s not like my interest in this site has waned at all. Despite my five-month hiatus, I’ve been writing headlines and profiles in my head. I have been writing them so long but I haven’t met the right person. And that right person? I don’t think we know what we are looking for. I think we think we know. But I think I know more than most people do. It’s thanks to the practice of writing about what I desire constantly. I always revise my profile and what I am looking for to cover up the things that fell short in the previous ones.
[Hi, I’m Carson, 5’6″, 120 lbs., seeking someone who knows that not unless is a double negation, has read a novel in the past month except anything from the Twilight series, and who doesn’t type LIKE THIS, or lyk diz, or LiKe tHis. Feel free to send me detailed description of yourself.]
If anything, it’s like my interest has become more about the process of writing. Does that make sense? It’s less like writing a story about yourself, and a lot more like saying I was once like this, I wanted this.
[Hi, I’m Carson, 5’6″, 120 lbs., seeking fuck buddies. No strings attached. 6″ cock. I’m versa. I have my own place. No need to chat about anything; let’s go straight ahead to sex. Let’s swap nude pictures. Send yours first.]
So I’m just curious what is the best case scenario in your head if ever you respond to this. Something to break the loneliness of just working, sitting, schooling, browsing?
[Hi, I’m Carson, 5’6″, 120 lbs., seeking just about anyone willing.]
When I say that I want to meet somebody or I want to find a gay guy who wants a relationship, I thought that I will get a lot of responses.
[Hi, I’m Carson, 5’6″, 120 lbs., seeking a serious relationship.]
But why did I think that? Is it more likely that I will be flocked with messages if I write something like that? Why? Because?
[Hi, I’m Carson, 5’6″, 120 lbs., seeking someone as desperate as I am.]
I guess that’s one thing. When I put such things into words, they sound so terrible like I’m shunning people away from me. And when I think about it, what is this all about, all this effort in headlines and profiles? You put these words together, you craft these sentences in the hopes that someone is going to find them interesting and you to be sexually attractive, which is the ultimate reason that people here do this. Right?
[Hi, I’m Carson, 5’6″, 120 lbs., seeking someone who will always be there.]
So I’ll say a little about the last guy I met here. We’ve been chatting for a few days and then we finally decided to meet. My idea was that it would be nice to spend an evening with this person over a few bottles of beer. It was awkward at first. We had dinner, and it was kind of nice. It’s not every day that I have dinner with someone I am interested in. And we went to my place; there would be another person in the room with me. It was a nice break to be not alone. He did not sleep with me though. I tried to keep in touch, but he might have found me a little neurotic for his taste. We stopped texting each other after a week.
[Hi, I’m Carson, 5’6″, 120 lbs., seeking someone who will always be there in the morning.]
Maybe I just like words more than I like people, which kind of makes sense considering that I’ve spent way more time with one than I have with the other. I hoard books, I maintain three blogs, I sometimes write fiction. And people?
[Hi, I’m Carson, 5’6″, 120 lbs.]
They just pass me by.
*Server not found. Firefox can’t find the server at http://www.somegaysocialnetworkingsite.com
December 9th, 2011 at 17:24
Oc-Oc
Kasalanan lahat ito ng lola ko.
Sa murang edad na pito, marunong na akong magwalis, maglaba ng mga di-kalakihang damit at magsaing. Lumaki ako sa mga lolo’t lola ko sa probinsiya noong dekada 70. Parang naulinigan ko ang First Quarter Storm dahil binisita namin yung tito ko provincial jail dahil hinuli siya sa pagiging aktibista sa UP. Pero walang koneksiyon yun sa kwento ko.
Natuto akong maging masinop sa bahay at sa mga gamit dahil habang lumalaki ako sa poder ng lola ko, lagi akong nakabuntot sa kanya. Kada oras – minsan mas madalas pa – makikita mo siyang nagwawalis. Walis dito, walis dun. Linis dito, linis dun. Sa loob ng bahay, sa labas ng bahay. Walang nagtatagal na dahon sa kanyang bakuran; nagiging abo na sila di pa man sila nahuhulog sa lupa. Tinuruan din ako ng lola ko kung paano mag-almirol ng damit, paano magsaing sa banga, paano mamalantsa gamit ang uling at paano gawing daing ang isda.
Sa kalaunan kinuha na ako ng mga magulang ko para tumulong mag-alaga sa mga nakababata kong kapatid. Dala-dala ko ang mga natutunan ko sa lola
ko. Pagkagising sa umaga, nagsasaing na ako ng kanin. Habang iniinin ko ito, sinasabayan ko ng trapo ang aming sahig. Pagkatapos nun, nagwawalis ako sa me bakuran namin. Minsan, karga-karga ko ang bunso kong kapatid. Ang tawag diyan sa kasalukuyan ay multi-tasking.
Malinis lagi ang bahay namin noon. Pero naging bugnutin naman ako. May mahulog lang na balat ng kendi sa sahig nakasunod na agad ako dala ang walis tambo at dust pan. Minsan binato ko ang kuya ko – buti na lang di tinamaan – dahil iniwang nakatiwangwang ang pinagkainan sa lababo.
Sa hapag-kainan bago kumain, gusto ko kumpleto lahat ang mga kubyertos, mga serving spoon, napkin at iba pa. Naiinis ako pag me nakikita akong nalalaglag na pagkain maski isang butil lang ng kanin. Pag nangyari ito, pinupunasan ko agad ng napkin.
Maski sa personal na bagay ay napakasinop ko. Di ako bumababa sa kwarto kung di ko naililigpit ang aking hinigaan. Kailangan walamg kusot ang bed sheet. Minsan nasobrahan ko ang tulog at ako’y nagmadali para pumasok sa klase. Hindi ko nakuhang ayusin ang kwarto ko. Tuloy, buong araw akong tuliro at di makapag-concentrate sa classroom. Binibiro ako lagi ng best friend ko. Hula niya, pag nagkasunog, malamang aayusin ko muna ang kama ko bago umalis sa nasusunog na bahay. Di malayo.
Yung pera sa pitaka ko gusto ko nakaayos magmula beinte pesos pataas at kelangan pare-pareho ang harap ng mga mukha ng mga bayani. At ayaw na ayaw ko ang mga tupi sa dulo; inuunat ko muna sila bago ilagay sa wallet.
Di ako kumakain ng mga pagkaing kalye. Di ako nagtutusok-tusok ng kung anu-ano. Masarap daw ang isaw pero di bale na. Ayokong magka-hepa.
Inaamoy ko muna ang lahat ng isusubo ko. Minsan sa isang kiddie birthday party sa Shakeys, nilapitan ako
nung nanay ng celebrant. Nakita yata niyang inaamoy ko isa-isa yung chicken, spaghetti, pizza at mojos. “Panis ba,” ang tanong niya. Kita ang pag-aalala sa mukha. Baka nga naman magka-food poisoning. Nag-atubili ako kung pa’no siya sagutin. Buti na lang me dumating pa siyang mga bisita na kailangan niyang harapin.
Bago ako magsepilyo pinupunasan ko muna ang salamin kapag ito’y nanlilimahid sa dumi. Naging ugali ko na ‘to. Maski sa public restrooms.
Di ako nagpapa-mani at pedi sa parlor na walang dalang sariling nipper at pusher. Di ka naman daw magkaka-Aids pero better safe than sorry. Mukha kasing di pinapakuluan yung mga gamit nila. At yung mga tuwalyang ipinupunas sa ‘yo – ay, ‘yoko ko na lang magsalita.
Laging plantsado ang damit ko pag lumalabas ako ng bahay. Minsan nagpunta ako sa America para dalawin ang mga kamag-anak ko. Habang nagpaplantsa ako ng panloob na long sleeves na papatungan ko sana ng vest, sinabi ng pinsan ko na yung kuwelyo at manggas na lang daw ang plantsahin dahil yun lang naman ang nakikita. Nahiya naman ako kaya sinunod ko siya. Pero tahimik ako sa buong lakad namin. Sabi ko na lang, me jet lag pa ‘ko.
Nagkaroon ako ng boyfriend sa high school pero isang buwan lang kami. Pano kasi pasmado siya. Kapag maghoholding hands kami ng patago, para akong nakahawak sa karneng basa. Yuck. Sinabihan ko na ihian niya ang mga palad niya, ayaw maniwala. Si Madonna nga ginagawa yun.
Me nanligaw din sa akin dati pero isang beses lang kaming nag-date. Nakita kong nanlaki ang mga mata niya dahil pinunasan ko muna yung upuan bago ako sumakay sa kotse niya. Pagdating sa restaurant, nakita ko basa pa ang mesa kaya tumawag ako ng waiter para i-disinfect ito. Nagbiro tuloy yung suitor ko na baka daw mawalan na ng trabaho si Sonny Padilla, pero di ko siya masyadong naintindihan dahil kasalukuyan kong hinahanap noon yung sanitizer ko sa bag. Di na naulit ang date namin. Di ko alam kung bakit. Pero ok na rin yun. Ayoko sa boyfriend na me halitosis.
Di na ko bumibili ng dyaryo kasi nauubos ang oras ko. Di ko kasi kayang pigilan ang sarili ko. Binabasa ko ang lahat ng laman nito. Ultimo obituary.
Sinisimulan ko lahat. Di ako pumapasok sa kalagitnaan ng misa. Kailangang mapanood ko lahat ng preview bago magsimula ang sine. Sa mga seminars at conferences dapat andun ako bago ang Pambansang Awit.
Dapat tatlong talop lang kapag binabalatan ko ang saging. Kung nasobrahan ko ito o kaya’y kulang
sa pagkakatalop, diretso ang kawawang saging sa basurahan.
Hnidi ako pwedeng magkaron ng tinga
kaya lagi akong me dalang floss. Kung me nakasalubong akong bumahing at humatsing sa kalye, pinupunasan ko kaagad ng wet ones ang mga braso ko, leeg at mukha. Pagdating ng bahay naliligo kaagad ako at inaabot ako ng isang oras sa banyo sa kakapunas sa buong katawan ko.
Hinding-hindi mo ako mapapalusong sa baha. Minsan inabot ako ng ala-una ng madaling araw sa me kanto ng UST dahil ayokong maglakad pauwi ng bahay. Hinintay ko talagang humupa ang baha maski na me pasok pa ako kinabukasan ng alas-siyete
ng umaga. Mahirap yatang magka-leptospirosis.
Minsan kinaladkad ako ng best friend ko sa isang clinic sa Makati. Magpatingin daw ako dahil di raw healthy yung habits ko. Para daw akong adik. Huh?
Pero pinagbigyan ko siya. Yun nga lang di natuloy yung session. Pinapahiga kasi ako sa couch na itim pero me mga nahawakan akong parang mga bread crumbs kaya ayokong humiga. Nagpaalam ako sandali sinabi ko me nakalimutan ako sa kotse. Di na ako bumalik. Galit na galit yung best friend ko.
Naalala ko noong nasa college ako nakailang lipat ako ng room sa dorm kasi napaka-burara ng mga room mates ko. Pang-apatan kasi yung mga kwarto. Inilipat na lang ako ng mga magulang ko sa isang boarding house malapit sa campus at ikinuha na lang ako ng isang maliit na kwarto na sarili ko.
Nagtatrabaho ako ngayon sa Quezon City. Pang-walong lipat ko na to magmula nung gumradweyt ako sa kolehiyo. Yung huling trabaho ko naka-away ko yung head ng HR. Sabi niya naninira raw ako dahil tinatawag ko siyang ‘drool queen’ pag nakatalikod siya. Ikaw ba naman, kaharap mo siya pero hirap na hirap kang iwasan ang nagtatalsikang letsugas galing sa chicken sandwich niya habang tumutulo sa gilid ng bibig ang natutunaw na mayonnaise. Kadiri.
Alas tres na ng madaling araw. Me lakad pa ako bukas. Di pa ako natutulog kasi di ko mapantay-pantay ang kintab ng mga itim kong sapatos. Lintek!
Lord, ikaw na ang bahala sa akin. Napapagod na rin ako.
December 9th, 2011 at 19:48
The first one was a nine year gap. Then, I moved on to a fireman who’s 12 years older. Two weeks ago I dated an engineer who’s ten years my senior. In between the 12-year fireman and the engineer I’ve dated weeks ago, I’ve had a couple of boyfriends and flings – all of them were at least eight years old when I was born. By the way, I’m 20 years old. I’ve been chain dating older men for four years non-stop.
I started dating older men when I was sixteen. Not that I didn’t have suitors who were my age, I’ve had a handful. There’s just something so spellbinding (and addicting) about dating someone older. They’re mature, charming, and has lesser propensity to be dramatic. I feel secure because he’s older ergo he’s wiser and makes sounder decisions than younger men. By the way, they’re really generous, too – just like in the movies. Sigh.
But, yes, there are disadvantages, too. I’m always being coddled like a baby. They tend to make my decisions for me. If I try to disagree with them, they would baby talk to me down. And in photos, people always ask if he’s my dad and comments on how we look differently and that I must have gotten all my genes from my mom. It’s been a drag explaining since it ALWAYS happens.
But the spell must be wearing thin already. It has nothing to do with the fact that this society frowns on May-December love affairs. Screw what you guys think. I want to stop solely for my own selfish reasons. Mostly because I feel so time-warped; I don’t feel so young anymore. My life has been fast forwarded to my late 30s. I’m tired of the ‘I-want-this-he-likes-otherwise’ scenarios. I want to dance, he doesn’t; his arthritis will act up. I want to eat at cheap fastfood chains, he doesn’t; he’ll take me to a Vegan restaurant. He wants me to meet his kids from his ex-wife, I don’t; he prepares a date where he invites his kids anyway without me knowing. This is not YET the life I want to live. I don’t want to be that serious about everything YET.I want to be carefree and wild and young! I want to date men my age or maybe I want to stop dating for some period of time first!
But somehow, I’m stuck; I can’t stop. I actually have a date tonight with a 40-year old accountant. I’ve already said yes so I can’t back out now. And then, next week I’m seeing this 35-year old banker. I’ve confirmed the date with him also via SMS a few minutes ago. It would be rude of me to cancel, right?
December 10th, 2011 at 00:32
oh cake…. i feel your pain…
December 10th, 2011 at 11:57
Harry Potter, Reblog. The Hunger Games, Reblog. “Twilight: Breaking Dawn was amazing!!1!” …nah. Glee, Reblog. Disney Princesses, Reblog…
It was eleven in the evening and the only sound that could be heard in the whole house was the frantic clicking of the computer mouse. The laptop has been in use since ten in the morning. The only time I turned it off was when I had to eat lunch and I’m hoping that the ratty old thing won’t overheat or something. I still had a million things to do in it. A GIF of cuddly kittens licking their paws. Reblog. “Reblog if you’re against bullying.” “Reblog if you support gay marriage.” “Reblog if you’re a mistletoe virgin.” Reblog. Reblog.
What was I supposed to be doing? My eyes were starting to water from staring at the computer screen for 13 hours straight. My unlimited internet connection would expire soon and I haven’t done anything but update my blog. Maybe I should check my Facebook account. Nah, nothing ever happens there. Oh, and I forgot – I still haven’t watched that controversial DJ Mo video on YouTube. I also said I’d open a Twitter account, but I’m really not the type who stalks celebrities. Ooo, a picture of Emma Watson as a kid! She’s so cute. Reblog. Ben Barnes looking dapper. Reblog. A shirtless Adam Levine. omnomnomnom. Reblog.
Why am I online, in the first place? Oh, right. I was supposed to do some research for an assignment. I better get started. Shit! Ma’s awake! Turn the laptop off, quick! If she sees me awake in the middle of the night, she’d flip! The last thing I needed was for her to make good on her threat of confiscating my laptop.
Oh good, she’s gone again. Maybe I could open my laptop for just a few more minutes. I just needed to research that darn assignment. I opened my internet browser. My fingers automatically typed T, pressed the down arrow key and hit Enter. Oh no, wait, I’m supposed to be researching! I opened another tab and went to Google. But I could no longer unsee what I saw on the other tab: a small, red bubble with the number “32” on top of the “Dashboard” option and another one on top of “Inbox” – this one had the number “1” on it. Someone sent me a message! Anonymous asked: “I think your blog’s awesome! ^.^” Asdfgjhjkl;alsdl Well, of course I had to answer it! “Thanks Anon! (Even if my posts are mostly reblogs :P)”
The assignment. Right. I switched to the Google tab, typed in some search words and went back to my dashboard while waiting for the results. Ooo, this post says something about my zodiac sign! Scorpios are horrible at multi-tasking. Haha. Single/ Taken/ xMentally dating a fictional character. Haha, GPOY! Homework: Do meee!! Tumblr: Don’t listen to that whore! Haha.
“You don’t have sore eyes, do you?” “No.” My mom asks the silliest questions. I needed to go to school as early as possible. I still haven’t done that blasted assignment. My blog was wrecking havoc on my studies and I resolved not to open it again. Maybe I should just copy Ana’s work. Wait, no, Ana doesn’t go to that class. Raquel? No, Raquel’s out of the question. She’s such a bitch when it comes to schoolwork. “You haven’t done it yet? But Sir Reyes gave it to us ages ago! What did you do all weekend?” And all that time she can barely hide the smirk on her smug face. I don’t think I know anyone else from the class aside from Raquel. Aw, forget them. I’d skip first period and work on it in the library. I could use the WiFi freely.
I lugged my laptop towards an empty table in one corner of the room. They’re all staring at me. Why are they staring at me? Never mind, never mind. Just keep your head down and don’t look at anyone.
I opened Google. Wait, what am I looking for again? Something about Rizal and his childhood. The professor gave us a list of reference books we can consult. I looked at the labyrinth of book-filled shelves and thought, “It’ll take forever to find them there. Thank heavens for copy-paste.” Meanwhile, it’s taking forever for the pages I opened to load. I’m horribly tempted to check on what’s happening on my dash.
Wait, did those two girls just laugh at me? They did! Look, they’re even whispering with each other now. See, the other one just looked at me!
Ignore them. Ignore them. My hands were shaking. I was embarrassed without even knowing why. I opened my blog. I was greeted by a black-and-white sketch of Sasuke Uchiha which I stole from somewhere on the net and used as my background. His Deviant Muse, said the title. Hazel, 17, female. I post whatever I want. Haters to the left. >:D
In my blog, I’m cool. In my blog, I don’t care what people say about me. I breathed a sigh of relief and opened my dashboard. Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger: OTP! Reblog. I will go down with my ship. Reblog. Puppy GIFs. Reblog. “Reblog if you love Tumblr!” FOREVER REBLOG.
December 10th, 2011 at 12:01
Hi Ms. J.
Please use this new version. The first one’s more than 1,000 words.
Thanks.
December 10th, 2011 at 12:12
Oc-Oc
Kasalanan lahat ito ng lola ko.
Sa murang edad na pito, marunong na akong magwalis, maglaba ng mga di-kalakihang damit at magsaing. Lumaki ako sa mga lolo’t lola ko sa probinsiya noong dekada 70. Natuto akong maging masinop sa bahay dahil lagi akong nakabuntot sa lola ko. Kada oras – minsan mas madalas pa – makikita mo siyang nagwawalis. Walis dito, walis dun. Linis dito, linis dun. Walang nagtatagal na dahon sa kanyang bakuran; nagiging abo na sila di pa man sila nahuhulog sa lupa.
Sa kalaunan kinuha na ako ng mga magulang ko para tumulong mag-alaga sa mga kapatid ko. Dala-dala ko ang mga natutunan ko sa lola?ko. Pagkagising sa umaga, nagsasaing na ako ng kanin. Habang iniinin ko ito, sinasabayan ko ng trapo ang aming sahig. Pagkatapos nun, nagwawalis ako sa me bakuran namin. Minsan, karga-karga ko ang bunso kong kapatid. Ang tawag diyan sa kasalukuyan ay multi-tasking.
Pero magmula noon, naging bugnutin na ko. May mahulog lang na balat ng kendi sa sahig nakasunod na agad ako dala ang walis tambo. Minsan binato ko ang kuya ko – buti na lang di tinamaan – dahil iniwang nakatiwangwang ang pinagkainan sa lababo. ? ?
Sa hapag-kainan bago kumain, gusto ko kumpleto lahat ang mga kubyertos. Naiinis ako pag me nakikita akong nalalaglag na pagkain maski isang butil lang ng kanin. Pag nangyari ito, pinupunasan ko agad ng napkin.
Di ako bumababa sa kwarto kung di ko naililigpit ang aking hinigaan. Minsan nasobrahan ko ang tulog. Hindi ko nakuhang ayusin ang kwarto ko. Tuloy, buong araw akong tuliro at di makapag-concentrate sa klase. Binibiro ako lagi ng best friend ko. Pag nagkasunog daw, malamang aayusin ko muna ang kama ko bago umalis sa nasusunog na bahay. Di malayo.
Sa pitaka gusto ko nakaayos ang mga pera at kelangan pare-pareho ang harap ng mga mukha ng mga bayani. Hate ko ang mga tupi sa dulo; inuunat ko muna sila bago ilagay sa wallet.
Di ako kumakain ng mga pagkaing kalye. Di ako nagtutusok-tusok ng kung anu-ano. Masarap daw ang isaw pero di bale na. Ayokong magka-hepa.
Inaamoy ko muna ang lahat ng isusubo ko. Minsan sa isang kiddie party, nilapitan ako?nung nanay ng celebrant. Nakita yata niyang inaamoy ko isa-isa yung chicken, spaghetti, pizza at mojos. “Panis ba,” ang tanong niya. Kita ang pag-aalala sa mukha. Nag-atubili ako kung pa’no siya sagutin. Buti na lang me dumating pa siyang mga bisita na kailangan niyang harapin.
Bago ako magsepilyo pinupunasan ko muna ang salamin kapag ito’y nanlilimahid sa dumi. Naging ugali ko na ‘to. Maski sa public restrooms.
Di ako nagpapa-mani at pedi sa parlor na walang dalang sariling nipper at pusher. Di ka naman daw magkaka-Aids pero better safe than sorry. Mukha kasing di pinapakuluan yung mga gamit nila. At yung mga tuwalyang ipinupunas sa ‘yo – ay, ‘yoko ko na lang magsalita.
Laging plantsado ang damit ko pag lumalabas ako ng bahay. Minsan nagpunta ako sa America. Habang nagpaplantsa ako ng panloob na long sleeves na papatungan ko sana ng vest, sinabi ng pinsan ko na yung kuwelyo at manggas na lang daw ang plantsahin dahil yun lang naman ang nakikita. Nahiya naman ako kaya sinunod ko siya. Pero tahimik ako sa buong lakad namin. Sabi ko na lang, me jet lag pa ‘ko.
Nagkaroon ako ng boyfriend sa high school pero isang buwan lang kami. Pano kasi pasmado siya. Kapag maghoholding hands kami, para akong nakahawak sa karneng basa. Yuck. Sinabihan ko na ihian niya ang mga palad niya, ayaw maniwala. Si Madonna nga ginagawa yun.
Me nanligaw din sa akin dati pero isang beses lang kaming nag-date. Nakita kong nanlaki ang mga mata niya dahil pinunasan ko muna yung upuan bago ako sumakay sa kotse niya. Pagdating sa restaurant, nakita ko basa pa ang mesa kaya tumawag ako ng waiter para i-disinfect ito. Nagbiro tuloy yung suitor ko na baka daw mawalan na ng trabaho si Sonny Padilla, pero di ko siya masyadong naintindihan dahil kasalukuyan kong hinahanap noon yung sanitizer. Di na naulit ang date namin. Di ko alam kung bakit. Pero ok na rin yun. Ayoko sa boyfriend na me halitosis.
Di na ko bumibili ng dyaryo kasi nauubos ang oras ko. Di ko kasi kayang pigilan ang sarili kong basahin ang lahat ng laman nito. Ultimo obituary.
Sinisimulan ko lahat. Di ako pumapasok sa kalagitnaan ng misa. Kailangang mapanood ko lahat ng preview bago magsimula ang sine. Sa mga seminars at conferences dapat andun ako bago ang Pambansang Awit.
Dapat tatlong talop lang kapag binabalatan ko ang saging. Kung hindi, sa basurahan na ito pupulutin.
Hnidi ako pwedeng magkaron ng tinga?kaya lagi akong me dalang floss. Kung me nakasalubong akong bumahing at humatsing sa kalye, pinupunasan ko kaagad ng wet ones ang mga braso ko, leeg at mukha. Pagdating ng bahay naliligo kaagad ako at inaabot ako ng isang oras sa banyo sa kakapunas sa buong katawan ko.
Minsan kinaladkad ako ng best friend ko sa isang clinic sa Makati. Magpatingin daw ako dahil di raw healthy yung habits ko. Para daw akong adik. Huh?
Pero pinagbigyan ko siya. Yun nga lang di natuloy yung session. Pinapahiga kasi ako sa couch na itim pero me mga nahawakan akong parang mga bread crumbs kaya ayokong humiga. Nagpaalam ako sandali sinabi ko me nakalimutan ako sa kotse. Di na ako bumalik. Galit na galit yung best friend ko.
Nagtatrabaho ako ngayon sa Quezon City. Pang-walong lipat ko na to magmula nung gumradweyt ako sa kolehiyo. Yung huling trabaho ko naka-away ko yung head ng HR. Sabi niya naninira raw ako dahil tinatawag ko siyang ‘drool queen’ pag nakatalikod siya. Ikaw ba naman, kaharap mo siya pero hirap na hirap kang iwasan ang nagtatalsikang letsugas galing sa chicken sandwich niya habang tumutulo sa gilid ng bibig ang natutunaw na mayonnaise. Kadiri.
Alas tres na ng madaling araw. Me lakad pa ako bukas. Di pa ako natutulog kasi di ko mapantay-pantay ang kintab ng mga itim kong sapatos. Lintek!
Lord, ikaw na ang bahala sa akin. Napapagod na rin ako.