Auntie Janey’s Old-Fashioned Agony Column #52: Gay Gone Wild
These are actual letters received by our advice columnist Auntie Janey at agoniesforauntiejaney@gmail.com and published in their original, unedited form.
Auntie Janey,
I’m one of the gays got wild went worst. Being rejected by the most handsome guys I’ve seen from elementary to the present time, I knew the obvious reasons. I am fat, ugly, unfashionable and the butt of jokes. I am not loved in return, romantically. I hate handsome males as much as I drool over them. They make both my libido and blood pressure high. To compensate for that, I get myself laid with the guys same as my wavelength. (They’re also fat, ugly, unfashionable, insecure, not choosy etc.)
Along came Ulysses, my handsome and younger dorm mate. His kindness freaks me out since I’m not used to it. This gentleman takes up his Bachelor of Science in Accountancy in the same university as mine (which I flunked two years ago to tell my mom in her face that I wanna take up AB English). He morphed into my crush and obsession that I’ll never have. So, I decided to transform him into my sex object which solely satisfies me.
On a Sunday, I set my phone alarm at three in the morning. I obediently woke up and unlocked his door. Then, I sneaked in and sat right next to him. Since I have the moves like Jagger, I wanna hold his dagger. My heart beated as my hand marked the spot. I tried to grab his jewel but he jolted and lifted his leg. I let it go but he held his phone under his pillow, pressed the keypad and the light from it flashed. Good thing, he only saw my back. After the light faded, I went out and slept on my black mat in the living room. Then, I dreamed of him going out of his room, turning the lights on and scolding me. Hours later, he asked me about what happened earlier and repeated his rant. Out of that confrontation, I only remembered this: If I’ll molest him again, I’ll be experiencing his terrible wrath. He still managed to give me a plate of pancit canton before that talk.
By the time you’re reading this, it’s been three or four days since the incident. Can you give me other ways to move on except from moving out of the dorm? I don’t know now what love is and I want him to save himself away from my ‘childhood habit’.
Love,
Sex-starved Circe
Dear Sex-Starved Circe,
The phrase “I decided to transform him into my sex object which solely satisfies me” freaked me out a bit. This conjures images of you doing unspeakable things to yourself. Someone is turning into swine, with whose wand I do not know. Hermes better intervene soon.
So this is what is known as gapang. Pouncing on a victim around dawn during which time the victim is in, um, full length thus making him more accommodating when touched. The simplicity of the strategy amazes me and must be very effective because you employed it so casually. But, it did not work this time.
Ulysses seems to be a nice guy. Only very few people would give you pancit canton after you attempted to molest them. A forgiving guy and a good friend material. Don’t blow it. There are few nice people left in this world.
I find it sad that you look at yourself in such a bad light and you are throwing yourself to anyone just for cheap thrills. If you think of yourself as cheap and low, other people will think that you are cheap and low. When you convinced yourself that you are fat, ugly, and unfashionable, you had already doomed yourself.
Only you can stop yourself from molesting Ulysses and other males within your vicinity. Only you can redeem yourself. Ulysses gave you a chance when he forgave you. He still respects you after what you did. You should also respect yourself. Respect is a precious gift, so cherish it.
Instead of going around looking for someone to jerk off with, I think you should engage in productive and engaging activities. Activities that could enhance your latent abilities and increase your confidence. Confidence is very attractive.
Do not hang out with people that you consider to be fat, ugly and unfashionable because you will become one of them. Osmosis does not work only at a cellular level but is also in effect in human relations. Be with people who possess traits and characteristics which you want to emulate.
Kung ayaw mo maging panget, huwag kang sumama sa mga panget.
Truly Yours,
Auntie Janey
Answers to questions you might be asking, unless you wandered onto this site purely by accident >>>
April 20th, 2012 at 15:35
Naku ate, bata ka pa at malibog. Lahat tayo dumaan dyan. Mag-pigil ka muna. Pasiyahin mo muna ang iyong sarili sa pamamagitan ng iyong palad. Pag ikaw ay mas matanda na, maiisip mo na hindi lahat ay seks, mas mahalaga ang pag-kakaibigan. Bihira ang mga gwapong lalake na mabait, kaya wag ka gumawa ng makakasira sa pag-kakaibigan nyo.
April 21st, 2012 at 04:25
in other countries this would be sexual assault/molestation. how can this be right or excusable? if a man did this to a woman it’s clearly molestation. don’t tell me it’s different if it’s a relationship between gays. for one thing, there is no relationship. on top of that it’s also clearly molestation. unfortunately it seems to be acceptable behavior in the philippines and if the victim complained, he’s made to look like he’s making a fuss.
April 21st, 2012 at 21:48
tama – tamang tama itu I find it sad that you look at yourself in such a bad light and you are throwing yourself to anyone just for cheap thrills. If you think of yourself as cheap and low, other people will think that you are cheap and low. When you convinced yourself that you are fat, ugly, and unfashionable, you had already doomed yourself.
There’s gotta be more to life than chasing temporary highs (kanta yun)
April 22nd, 2012 at 02:19
This is not something to be taken lightly or dismissed as youthful indiscretion. This goes beyond preserving a friendship or hanging out with the right people or the pursuit of sex as cheap thrill. There are serious issues involving self-esteem, sexual behavior, and impulse control that are involved here. To the letter-writer, for your sake and the sake of those you take an interest in, please seek help from someone with the professional expertise and experience to handle your problem.
April 22nd, 2012 at 22:45
Haaaay naku bakla ka…
Totoo lang eh wala akong pakialam kung sumuko ka na pagdating sa iyong image, pero tigilan mo yang panggagapang. You’re giving all of us a bad name. Or kung di mo kayang controllin yang pagiging malibog mo at nangangalay ka na sa kaka-masturbate eh perahan mo yung hombre.
Kung wala kang pera eh tiis ganda ka. Ay, mali. Tiis ka. Tutal ikaw na rin naman ang nagsabi na di ka kagandahan.
Baklang to.
April 22nd, 2012 at 23:01
You have inflicted a serious offense on this guy. A sincere apology is in order and such can help you move on from this horrendous misdemeanor and probably preserve the friendship. On the other hand, I recommend that you engage in workouts or sports. These will not only enhance your physical attributes (e.g. become slimmer, which you badly need) but also provide expression of your repressed emotions or frustrations. I wish that you meet the guy with whom you’ll have a mutual feeling of love and respect.
April 23rd, 2012 at 12:39
Dear letter writer:
Kung hindi ka makikinig kay Auntie Janey eh makinig ka sa mga nagpo-post dito, lalung-lalo na sina avignon at Momelia. Regardless of which way you swing, copping a feel of any sort from a non-consenting party is never, ever, a good idea, especially if it’s your roommate we’re talking about. If the mental torture is unbearable – and it does get unbearable – you might as well own up to it and get help.
Also, for your own sake, please please PLEASE read the fine print before signing your housing contracts – especially if you’re living with a roommate, and most especially if you’re living in a dorm. Yun lang.
April 23rd, 2012 at 21:29
offtopic but still quite related since “mental help” is mentioned: where can we find good shrinks? any suggestions? how about in areas other than metro manila?
April 23rd, 2012 at 21:31
The major hospitals such as Makati Med and St. Luke’s have psychotherapists on staff. If you live outside Metro Manila they can recommend practitioners in your area.
April 23rd, 2012 at 21:33
I need to find a good shrink. I’m insane like this gay. I’ve written a letter to Auntie Janey in the past and trust me, bitchslapping myself a thousand times does not work. My situation has gotten way, way, way worse than before. Oh, my God! I need professional help.
April 23rd, 2012 at 21:35
Thanks, Jessica, for the heads up
April 23rd, 2012 at 22:40
Masuwerte ka at hindi ka nabugbog o napa-baranggay. Kung saka-sakali, kay Tiyang Amy (ng Face to Face) ka susulat at hindi kay Tiyang Janey.
April 24th, 2012 at 00:37
Blackcat, you may also consider the Psychological Association of the Philippines at this website: http://www.pap.org.ph.
Click on the tab Specialty Divisions, then click on Clinical Psychologists. Each name has the psychologist’s location and contact details.
And yes, Jessica is right, the major hospitals have therapists (usually psychiatrists who, unlike psychologists, have medical degrees).
April 24th, 2012 at 19:34
Blackcat
If you are in the Northern QC or Caloocan area, you can try Dr. Johnevert Jimenez. Here’s his CP number 09194296015. If you don’t mind a non-clinical setting. He holds therapy sessions (in a clinic) inside a cafeteria.
May you find the peace of mind that eludes you.
April 24th, 2012 at 22:39
Thanks! I wonder how much they charge… I looked up a shrink by the name of Randy Delloso. Is he good? It’s been years and I am just starting to realize what a stupid fella I have been. I mean, geez! My letter/situation is perhaps one of the worst you’ll see in this blog. And my life has gotten way, way, way worse since that “incident” at my apartment. I’m starting to rebuild myself by going back to school (I’m already 24!) but I’m still seeing this a**hole who I actually begged to stay with me even if he doesn’t want to. He makes me feel bad whenever we’re together, but I feel empty if I don’t see or talk to him. He tells me everyday that he stopped loving me four years ago. He checks out other girls in front of me and even walks out on me whenever I say something he doesn’t approve of, like the time he insulted me and I told him that he and his stupid psychotic family have no right to do so. He belittles me and favors his co-workers over me. He always threatens to leave me when I try to point out his and his psycho family’s wrongdoings. WTF? Matapos nila ‘kong bastusin ng pamilya nya sa inuupahan kong bahay, eto mapapala ko!!! I don’t wanna rant here since this is not my letter and all, but I really want to be better. Many years of my life have been wasted. We’ve been together for years. I’ve had a lot of problems and I thought that he can be someone I can depend on. He’s not like this when we were younger. He’s the only one who stood by me, and now he’s different. Probably brainwashed by his psycho family. I want to be happy, finally. I hope to find a shrink who can help me. And sana talaga maafford ko haha ;)
April 24th, 2012 at 23:04
blackcat: We almost forgot the In Touch helpline we’ve been promoting for years. It’s the ad on the left side of the page. Call(02)8937603 for free and confidential counseling. They can also recommend psychotherapists. Do it now.