The unreasonable waiter
We were primed to watch The Possession when it opened yesterday, but then everyone had to work and it’s no fun watching a horror movie by yourself. Vivien could’ve gone with us but delivery of our text was delayed for 5 hours and by the time she replied we were home. So we watched DVDs instead—two movies by Eric Rohmer, both charming and non-stressful, like eavesdropping on articulate neighbors.
One scene from Four Adventures of Reinette and Mirabelle was especially funny because it happens all the time in real life. For added realism we’ve translated it into Tagalog.
Waiter: (Brings coffee.) Eto na.
Reinette: Salamat.
Waiter: Puede mo na akong bayaran?
Reinette: Sige. Magkano?
Waiter: Nakasulat diyan. Marunong ka namang magbasa diba?
Reinette: 4.30?
Waiter: Tama ka diyan.
Reinette: Eto po.
Waiter: Nang-aasar ka ba? Magbibigay ka ng 200 na buo, e 4.30 lang yan?
Reinette: Sorry, wala akong barya.
Waiter: Ako rin wala. Anong akala mo? Walang barya dito.
Reinette: Anong gagawin ko?
Waiter: Maghanap ka.
Reinette: Saan?
Waiter: Siguradong may 4.30 sa bag mo. (Takes her wallet.) Patingin…1.30, 40, 50, 60. 1.70 lang?? Hindi dapat lumalabas ng bahay na ito lang ang dala!
Reinette: May 200 nga ako e.
Waiter: Ang galing! Kung wala kang pera, wag kang uupo sa restawran.
Reinette: Pera naman ito, diba? (Tries to be understanding.) May hinihintay akong kaibigan. Baka meron siyang barya.
Waiter: Hindi ako naniniwala. Yung kaibigan na darating—narinig ko na yan! Akala mo aalis ako. Mag-isa ako dito. Kailangan kong bantayan ang mga mesa sa loob at labas. Kung hindi ako maingat, puedeng umalis ang mga customer nang hindi nagbabayad. Hindi mangyayari yon dahil nakabantay ako, nagmamasid. Hindi madali, ha. Ginawa yon nung isang babae kamakailan. Kamukha mo.
Reinette: Hindi ako yon! Ngayon lang ako napunta dito.
Waiter: Hindi ko sinabing ikaw yon. Pero kamukha mo. Magaling akong maka-alala ng pagmumukha. Yung gimik tungkol sa kaibigang darating…pag naniwala ka, wala na!
Reinette: Hindi nga ako yon!
Waiter: Hindi ko kailangang maniwala. Puede kang magsalita. Puedeng ikaw yon, puedeng hindi. Mag-ingat ka! (Looks at the next table) Andiyan na!
Reinette: Sira-ulo! (Watches waiter give that table change.) O, may barya ka na.
Waiter: Para sa mga customer. Para sa tulad mo, wala. Uupo nang dalawang oras, oorder ng isang kape.
Reinette: Limang minuto pa lang ako dito!
Waiter: Tatambay lang sila, sigurado ako. Hindi aalis kahit nasuklian na. Naghahanap ng dahilan. Huwag mong tangkaing pumuslit, nakikita kita.
(People take the next table. The waiter grabs the other chair at Reinette’s table.)
Reinette: Teka, may kasama ako!
Waiter: Hindi ko problema yon. Hindi puedeng gumamit ng dalawang silya maghapon para sa 4.30.
Reinette: Ang dami namang mesang bakante!
Waiter: Oo, bakante nga. Mahina ang kalakal ngayong araw.
Reinette’s friend Mirabelle shows up, and of course she has a 500 franc bill and no change, either.
Ever had a similar run-in with a waiter? Tell us in Comments.
Answers to questions you might be asking, unless you wandered onto this site purely by accident >>>
September 1st, 2012 at 22:22
i went to starbucks once and stayed there for almost 5 hours. i ordered a P50 donut and a mug of water. am i a bad customer?
September 1st, 2012 at 23:00
What an ass!
I’ve never had such an experience thankfully but I’ve had been waited on by over-enthusiastic and perky waiters before. Actually, I think I’m a magnet for over-enthusiastic and perky waiters, hehe.
September 2nd, 2012 at 13:57
I haven’t had that experience with a waiter (though I’ve had experience with a lot of inept, stupid ones)…
… but have had a few with taxi drivers who refuse/pretend to not have change for my fare. I usually don’t mind a few small change being left to a driver (ex. Php10 or so).
However, if the fare is, say Php160, and I pay with two Php100 bills, then they say they have no change… we go into a standstill because either he finds a way to give me change for the Php200 bucks or else I’m giving him Php100 only.
More often than not, they suddenly produce Php40 because I am not backing down from taking back my money otherwise.
They’re in their business and should always have change available.
(Some also get annoyed when my fare is, say, Php90, and I give my entire fare in coins I’d accumulated – including lots of Php1s and Php5s. Then I just tell them: “Para may panukli kayo sa iba.” That shuts them up.)
September 3rd, 2012 at 10:12
I actually have more trouble getting wait staff to notice me than to drive them away.