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Artwork by Lynyrd Paras

When we arrived at the Art Fair, one of the first things we heard was, “John Lloyd is here.” John Lloyd, if you’ve been walled up in the basement for the last several years, is John Lloyd Cruz, one of the biggest film and TV stars in the country, and now an art collector.

“Fabulous. We’ll check out the paintings, and then we’ll look for the John Lloyd.”

A complete circuit of the venue took two hours. A thorough visit would’ve required another couple of hours, but we decided to segue to celebrity-hunting.

“Where in the Art Fair is the John Lloyd?” we asked ourself. We looked in the open bar. They were serving Moet. There was no sign of John Lloyd.

“Think,” we told Moira. “If we were handsome and rich, where would we be?”

We ran into Fernando Zobel de Ayala.

“Okay, put yourself in art collector mode. Where would you go?”

Naturally we ran into our favorite art collector and neurologist, Dr. Joven Cuanang.

“Think hugely successful, massive star,” we said.

So we ran into Vice Ganda. Vice Ganda is awesome. We chatted briefly. Years ago, someone had given him a copy of Twisted. We told him how his latest movie caused popcorn to shoot out of our nose.

“Great, we’ve met the most successful star in Philippine cinema, but we still haven’t spotted John Lloyd.” Everyone we asked had seen him ten minutes ago.

“There’s a Swatch event at 6pm,” Moira pointed out. “He’ll be there for sure.”

“Yes, but he’s expected there. We want to catch him in an unofficial capacity. Put yourself in the mind of an influential personage.”

We promptly ran into Don Jaime Zobel de Ayala.

“My feet hurt,” Moira declared. Your feet would hurt, too, if you’d been walking around for three hours on four-inch stilettos.

“Didn’t you bring flats?”

“Yes, in my bag,” he said.

“Then change your shoes,” we suggested, stupidly.

“Not in public!” Moira gasped in horror.

We were wearing flats, but our feet hurt so we decided to occupy a couch. That’s when we spotted the John Lloyd.

He looks exactly the way he does in the movies.

“We hate your movies but you’re brilliant,” we said. Thaat’s right, open big mouth, eat entire foot. (We must note that in our universe, that is a compliment.)

“That sounds complex,” he said, politely. We kicked ourself in the head.

The couch turned out to be the best-situated seat in the house because everyone had to pass it en route to the bar. Moira spotted Anne Curtis, who graciously posed for photos. Check out her total Dyesebel hommage skirt. (Yes, she and John Lloyd made beso-beso.)

Our couch was so comfortable, we didn’t even get up to snap pictures— we just shot everyone from below, which is a flattering angle.

Artwork by Poklong Anading

When are you going to the Art Fair? Report your sightings!