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Taking a page from Mother Lily’s magic kamison manual, the BBC had Mr. Darcy diving into the lake and walking in a wet shirt. It’s not even translucent. In the 18th century he would’ve been naked.

One of the perks of being readers is that we can discuss fictional characters as if they existed in real life. For instance, why are the most famous leading men in 19th century English novels so arrogant, gloomy, jerky? Why are they in such a bad mood? (And would they be so attractive if they were not rich?)

There’s Mr. Darcy, a terrible snob who manages to insult Elizabeth Bennet when they meet, and insults her again when he proposes. He stops his friend Bingley from proposing to Lizzy’s sister Jane because the Bennets are tacky (well the mother and the youngest sister are really embarrassing). He can barely speak from judging everyone (We don’t buy the shyness excuse).

We’re fairly sure the book Rochester did not look like Michael Fassbender.

Mr. Rochester is more forward about his feelings for Jane Eyre, but he doesn’t mention that he’s already married and his crazy wife is locked up in the house. Plus he was in the slavery business, though in those days it was considered an acceptable trade.

Do the Bane voice, Tom. Deo suspects that Tom Hardy and Logan Marshall-Green were separated at birth.

Of course the most bonkers of the three is Heathcliff, who punishes Cathy by seducing, marrying, and tormenting her sister-in-law. Yeah, he’s more expressive, banging his head on tree trunks and yelling “Cathy!” in the mist. Basically he hounds her to death and then spends the rest of his miserable life wishing she would haunt him.

And yet in the books they’re romantic as hell. Good thing they do not walk the earth. (If they do, avoid.)