JessicaRulestheUniverse.com

Published 16 Jan 2011

“Ang mamatay nang dahil sa’yo!” It was the only part of the national anthem that I would sing so fervently. Not so much for love of country but for love of Mrs. Palomares.

Okay, love may have been too loaded a word. What did I know about love, anyway? But I was convinced it was. So were all the boys in school.

Who wouldn’t love a woman like that? Dusky, tall, well-endowed. It didn’t matter that I barely understood most of what she was yakking about. I was hopeless with numbers. To me, calculus was lobotomy no matter who was teaching it. But one set of numbers did stick with me all the time. 36-25-36.

There were other numbers rattling in head. Twenty five. Probably her age. Five. Probably the number of times she wore a thong in a week. Ten. Probably the number of times she and her husband made love in a day. Lucky bastard. Twelve. Probably the number of kids she would eventually have. And zero. The chance she would leave her husband for me.

But who would know?

None of us had ever gone to her house nor had seen her husband. Mrs. Palomares wasn’t exactly the warm and friendly type. If it wasn’t for the “mrs.” in her name, we wouldn’t have been surprised if she ended up as an old maid despite her beauty.

But the more she kept to herself, the more desirable she became. Surging hormones served as fuel to all sorts of imaginings. The most popular of which was that her husband was gay, making her an unhappy and unfulfilled wife. Emphasis on unfulfilled.

So it was another Monday and another flag ceremony. But it was Mrs. Palomares who was leading the assembly that day. Of course I had every reason to sing at the top of my voice, raising it a few decibels higher on certain words and phrases.

“Alab ng puso,” “sa dibdib mo’y buhay,” “bundok,” “langit,” “minamahal,” “luwalhati’t pagsinta,” “ligaya.” And yes, “ang mamatay ng dahil sa’yo!”

I couldn’t remember if I was signing with my eyes closed or if I was simply in a trance. But the next thing I knew there was silence. Then giggles.

I looked around to find out what the fuss was. Everyone had this big smile. Even the teachers couldn’t hide their teeth.

And they were all looking at me. That was when I felt it.

The bulge.

Whether it underwhelmed or threw my gay schoolmates to fits of adoration, I had no idea. But it protruded far enough for everyone to notice.

Then the lyrics started ringing in my head. “Ang mamatay ng dahil sa’yo.”

Yes, I was dead at that point. But it was because I was reborn. From then on I was Mister Tigasin.

As for Mrs. Palomares, it was the first time I saw her with such a wide grin.

Maybe all our imaginings were true, after all.