JessicaRulestheUniverse.com

We loved the Peanuts movie, but not as much as the small children two rows behind us who laughed uproariously at every gag. And we thought today’s children would have no interest in Charlie Brown and Snoopy, a depressive neurotic child and a delusional dog, respectively.

Naturally we had to possess the Snoopy toys, which can only be obtained through the purchase of Happy Meals. We may be overgrown children, but the consumption of Happy Meals would be dangerous to our health. Still, the toys. So we ate one Happy Meal—the mini-pancakes—for breakfast, and bought four more for the building staff. That’s five toys, five more to go. Easily done: this weekend we’re dragging sister, sister’s husband, and their three brats to the happy place.