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Michael Fassbender does the uncanny valley.

In the not-so-distant future, assuming the species survives its current stupidity, humans might colonize other planets. Before they do I hope they see the Alien movies (and its ripoffs) and think hard about security protocols, especially those concerning contamination. And that they develop powerful portable floodlights because so much mayhem could be avoided if people could see where they were walking.

But back into the murky, slimy dark we go, and once again our guide is Ridley Scott. The movie opens with a flashback to events before Prometheus. Critics didn’t love that movie, either, but I enjoyed it a lot: it raised questions that prompted other questions that got weirder and weirder. In this prologue, the synthetic David (Michael Fassbender) has a discussion with his creator, Weyland (Guy Pearce). David, you will recall, modelled himself on David Lean’s Lawrence of Arabia, down to the hairstyle of that glamorous imperialist. David is disappointed in his creator and his puny species—he, the creature, is obviously the superior being. Here’s where the Alien movies merge with Blade Runner (which Denis Villeneuve is resurrecting): they are the descendants of Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein’s monster. Later David even quotes a poem by Mary’s husband, which any Breaking Bad fan should be able to identify.

I was thinking that I would pay to watch David and Weyland have a conversation for two hours, and then I had a better idea: two hours of David talking to Walter (also played by Fassbender), the newer model of synthetic, minus the stuff that encourages the artificials to go stark raving Heart of Darkness (the ship in the first Alien: Nostromo).

Yes, there are two Michael Fassbenders in this movie, and I think I know what you’re thinking, and no, but. You will recall that David survived the carnage of Prometheus minus a body, and fled in an alien ship with Dr Shaw (Noomi Rapace), who C-sectioned an alien fetus out of herself and stapled her midsection shut. Then this happened.

Walter is the synthetic on board Covenant, a ship carrying a crew and 2,000 colonizers in stasis, plus embryos. They are en route to a habitable planet 7+ years away when bad luck strikes, followed by terrible decisions. Alas, in space no one can hear you scream, so even if we all yell, “Idiots! Didn’t you see Alien, Aliens, and so on?” they send a search party to investigate an uncharted planet. The atmosphere is breathable, so they don’t even wear spacesuits aargh.

We all know what happens next, but it’s still scary. Katherine Waterston is the Ripley, Billy Crudup is the Apone, and Danny McBride is shockingly not irritating for once as he does his best Han Solo. But face it, the two Fassbenders are the most complex characters, proving David’s point about their superiority. Not for nothing is he a fan of Lawrence, and that’s all I will say.

Watch it!

My favorite characters in the Alien series are Ellen Ripley and Jones the cat. Jonesy appeared in Alien and Aliens, but not the movies that followed.