JessicaRulestheUniverse.com

When we sat down to brunch someone who looked like Fernando Torres was sitting outside. We should’ve taken the photo immediately because he was replaced by not Jason Statham.

Who knows what happens in my murky subconscious, but I woke up the other day thinking: I have to form a band.

So I told my friend Aye, who had an all-girl band called Chain Gang, and she said, “Let’s!” Aye plays bass and can hum the bassline of anything. In college she was our supplier of Rolling Stone and cassette bootlegs. I have no musical ability, but I have excellent training in how not to manage a band. Also I used to hang around bands and volunteer to write their liner notes. I love liner notes, if I had my way albums would look like Criterion Collection packages. (Kids, look up “albums”.)

First I have to catch up, because I stopped listening to new music in the early 2000s. At which point my musical tastes started moving backwards in time (Tom Waits, Steely Dan, bop). Aye made me a playlist which includes An Army of Lights, Bombay Bicycle Club, and Yuck. While I’m cramming, we’re waiting for a name to come to us.

– What’s Naomi (Chain Gang’s vocalist) doing now?
– She’s a voice talent for dubbed Korean TV series.
– You mean like The Prince of Boazania?
– Yup.
– Maybe we should call ourselves The Prince of Boazania.

Or Our Feline Overlords. Or Keanu Reeves.

Obviously we have to find instrumentalists. I’m thinking open auditions in June. Prince (in denial), Wendy, Johnny Marr, Peter Buck, Annie Clark and The Edge need not audition.

I’m still thinking of ground rules, but off the top of my head:
1. We just want to play.
2. Implosion is inevitable, but we’d like to delay it as long as possible.

Your thoughts?