JessicaRulestheUniverse.com

If I were in a position of power, and I could get myself and my family tested for Covid-19, even if none of us show symptoms, ahead of the sick, would I?

I would like to say, “Of course not!” and offer to kick the questioner in the nuts, and I think I would not take the test, but I have not been in that situation so I can’t praise myself yet.

However, if I were an asshole who used my power to secure a test, then ordered the exhausted lab technicians at RITM (Please, please be safe) to process my test ahead of the patients who need it urgently, I can guarantee that I would not be idiotic enough to brag that I’ve tested negative. Conscience is one thing and brains are another, but an instinct for self-preservation is basic equipment for humans.

The House—surely a time-traveling Shakespeare’s inspiration for “A plague on both your houses”—Committee of the Whole has passed a bill granting Malacañang emergency powers to address the outbreak. This emergency is unprecedented—we are in Lord of the Rings territory now—but the Hobbits knew what had to be done:

Throw The Ring into the fucking volcano.

I hope there is a plan to vanquish Covid-19. This Enhanced Community Quarantine, for all its deficiencies, is helping to contain coronavirus, but we cannot be locked down for long. People will go hungry. People will riot. The economy will collapse. We need mass testing for Covid-19 so we can help the sick, contain the virus, and get back to our regular lives.

“But we don’t have enough testing kits.” Then buy them.

“But we have only one lab—the Research Institute of Tropical Medicine—that can process the tests.” Then build and equip more labs. Emergency powers, hello.

In short:

Shift the budget.
Feed the poor.
Protect the frontliners.
Get the testing kits.
Build the labs.
Do mass testing. For everyone.

To convey urgency, add the descriptive “fucking” before each verb and noun.

Apologies, tomorrow I’m going back to my field of expertise, which is writing about nothing.

Send help to the medical frontliners. (Thanks, Bubbles, for this amended list.)

Cardinal Santos
09209493452 Jenny Laxamana
Supplies needed: N95 masks, PPEs, meals

San Juan Medical
09176511726 Dr Pamela Navarro
Supplies needed: N95 masks, PPEs, meals

The Medical City
09171677995 Margarette Azores-Pascua
Supplies needed: cots

Philippine Heart Center
09178123289 Dr. John Yam
Supplies needed: N95 masks, faceshields, surgical gowns

UERM
09173247984 Dr. Fandialan
Supplies needed: N95 masks, faceshields, surgical gowns

Manila Doctors Hospital
09178854391 Dr Ryan Shaun Sy
Supplies needed: N95 masks, faceshields, surgical gowns

Philippine Orthopedic Center
09178380547 Dr Rachelle Ong
Supplies needed: N95 masks, PPEs, 70% alcohol, faceshields

St. Luke’s Global
09171437388 Jenn Gargar
Supplies needed: N95 masks, faceshields, surgical gowns, booties, and haircaps

East Avenue Medical Center
09272171548 Sandra Co
Supplies needed: liquid hand soap

Thank you.