JessicaRulestheUniverse.com

Recently the girlfriend of my ex started befriending me in all the social networking sites. Even in chats and emails too. I did not think of it as harmful because this girl and I have been acquainted since college and her family knows my family as well. I can say that she is a lady with a kind heart.

A few weeks ago we had a live chat. She is in the United States and I am in the Middle East. And the guy is in the Philippines. She opened the topic that she and my ex have broken up. I am saddened by the news because I thought they had been going strong for almost 4 years. And thought that the only issue they had been struggling with is the long distance relationship. She did not hesitate to tell me the whole story. And their problem is the same one my ex-boyfriend and I had.

The guy would not let her wear spaghetti straps or shorts even if it’s summer in the Philippines. The girl is decent and came from a very decent family too. The guy would not let her talk to certain people. In short, “nakakasakal”. In the past whenever they broke up the girl would be the one begging him to take her back. But as she pointed out, “paulit ulit na lang”. So there, she finally made up her mind to focus on loving herself.

Well, I told her that she’s doing herself a huge favor.Please don’t get me wrong, I am not badmouthing my ex but she opened the topic. Auntie Janey, why are there guys who are so “mapagbawal” (imposing many restrictions) and strict?

Anyway I’m happy to have made a friend. She’s such a genuine person. Thank you Auntie Janey. Looking forward to hearing from you.

When I was a little sapling, I wrote this sentence in a grade school assignment: “I live in a house with jealousy windows.” How that kid ended up writing this column, I have no idea. I suppose it can be likened to how Christopher Columbus discovered North America.

Jealousy is like wasabe—a little can add excitement to your salmon sashimi but too much can make you cry and trigger facial contortions. I find it very flattering if someone is jealous of me. It is an affirmation that I am hot and spectacular. It is a confirmation of my value and importance. Yes, I am vain.

I have observed in people I know that whenever their partners get a little jealous, they get kilig. These jealousies are of the harmless type: the wife gawked at the screen while watching 300, a mother spends a little too much time with their son at night, the waiter thought the wife was single and tried to chat her up. Playful and harmless jealousies can add tingles to a humdrum relationship.

As for the clothing aspect, I am of the belief that certain compromises should be made when a man and a woman are in a relationship. Yes, women have the freedom to wear whatever they want, but also think that men are not women. The reason why some men ask their women to tone down their clothing is because they want to shield their women from the lustful thoughts of other men. They know what other men think upon seeing a woman with a very plunging neckline. A lot of staring is involved, the brain becomes imaginative and there is a slight change in blood flow. If you are the type of woman who gets offended by the longing stares of men, imagine how your partner would feel if he knew that other men were doing unimaginable things to you in their minds. Your men are just being protective of you.

There is a line, of course. If your partner is keen on eradicating your personal style and begins dictating everything you should do, it’s time to bail—unless you have a thing for being dominated. Easier said than done, I know.

I have preached that women should not make themselves too available to those who are courting them. The purpose is to make your men value you from the very beginning. You have to train your men to respect your way of doing things. If you give little or no resistance to their advances, do not expect to be treated like a princess. In all relationships, power is involved. You have to establish at first instance that you have power over yourself and the things around you. Men who fear it will wither away; men who respect it will come closer.

If nobody has come closer, it means either two things: 1) You are better off alone and enjoying yourself; or 2) You are a bitch. Think about it.