The Weekly LitWit Challenge 7.2: A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away
Dear Reader. Years ago Star Wars was defiled by its own creator. Now we beg you to help us in our struggle to recover what was great about Star Wars. We regret that we are unable to convey our request to you in person, but our site is having technical problems and we’re afraid our mission to bring you to Alderaan has failed because we live in the future and Darth Vader has already blown it up.
But information vital to the survival of the Rebellion is contained in the memory systems of every child who ever sat in a movie theatre and heard about The Force. That child is you, and you will know how to retrieve it. You must see Star Wars safely delivered back to the people who love it. Its creator has been amply and most generously rewarded.
This is our most desperate hour. Not really, but that’s the line. Help us, Reader. You’re our only hope.
This week’s LitWit Challenge: In 1,000 words or less, summarize Star Wars Episodes IV to VI. Yes, the first three to appear, the last three in the chronology: A New Hope, The Empire Strikes Back, and The Return of the Jedi.
Don’t just rattle off the plot points, make us relive the moment Luke turned off his computer and fired.
Best entry wins a Limited Edition Star Wars Moleskine notebook. Post all entries in Comments by 1159pm on Friday, 14 October 2011.
The Weekly LitWit Challenge is brought to you by our friends at National Bookstore.
Answers to questions you might be asking, unless you wandered onto this site purely by accident >>>
October 13th, 2011 at 05:33
Just read this today. I got my bluray copies last week but I haven’t had time to watch them yet. This post, plus those really cool limited edition moleskines just put watching 4,5,6 at the top of my to-do list for the weekend. Looking forward to reading the entries for this LitWit Challenge >:D
October 13th, 2011 at 18:08
Luke finds a couple of droids in his home planet of Tatoine. One of the droids carried a message for Obi Wan Kenobi, a friend of Luke and a Jedi Master. After seeing the message from Princess Leia about the creation of a space station called the Death Star, Luke and Obi Wan hire the services of a mercenary named Han Solo and his Wookie partner Chewbacca. Ben tells Luke about their potential foe Darth Vader and how Vader killed Luke’s father. Obi Wan starts training Luke on the ways of the Force and even gives him Anakin’s old light saber. They encounter Vader’s cruiser and are taken in via tractor beam. Luke and Han Solo disguise themselves as Storm troopers to find Leia while Obi Wan tries to deactivate the tractor beam. Luke and Han find Leia and a fire fight begins. They make their way back to the Millennium Falcon and witness a duel between Vader and Obi Wan. Obi Wan allows Darth Vader to strike him down, leaving only his robe and light saber on the floor. The others manage to escape the cruiser and head for the Rebel Base Yavin IV. On the base, the Rebels analyze the blueprints of the Death Star that was encrypted in R2-D2. They find the Death Star’s weakness in the form of a small port that leads to the station’s reactor. Luke joins the assault while Han leaves. Upon arriving at the Death Star, a large battle ensues. Vader joins the skirmish and picks off one Rebel pilot after another. Luke is left to try and launch a torpedo into the reactor. As he turns on his targeting machine he hears Obi Wan’s voice telling him to trust in the force. He turns off his targeting machine while Vader is hot on his trail. Just as Vader was about to blow Luke out of the sky Han arrives and damages Vader’s fighter giving Luke all the time he needs to launch his torpedoes right into the stations reactor. The Death Star explodes while Vader hurtles off to space in his fighter.
The Rebels make their way to the ice planet of Hoth. Vader sends drones all over the galaxy to find the Rebel’s secret base. One of these drones land on Hoth so Luke investigates. He is attacked by a wumpa. Han Solo searches for Luke who is trapped in the wumpa’s cave. He frees himself with his light saber, killing the wumpa in the process. Luke wanders the ice for hours and just before collapsing, sees an image of Obi Wan telling him he must go to the swamp planet of Dagobah to train with Yoda, the Jedi Master that taught Obi Wan. Vader orders an attack on the Hoth Rebel base using AT-ATs. Luke joins the assault group while Han and the others go with the convoy out of Hoth. Escaping the Empire’s attack, Luke tells the others he needs to go to Dagobah and will meet with them after. Luke arrives in Dagobah and crash lands into the swamp planet. He finds Yoda under the guise of a simple hermit and begs that he teach him to become a Jedi. Han makes his way to planet Bespin to ask for help from his old time friend Lando Calrissian unaware that the Empire got there first. Han is taken and placed in suspended animation. Luke senses the trouble his friends are in and reluctantly leaves Yoda and Dagobah, promising to return to continue his training. Upon arriving Luke finds Leia and the other being taken away by Boba Fett. He tries to stop them but is interrupted by Darth Vader who tries to freeze Luke as well. Lando helps Leia and the others escape but Boba Fett manages to get away with Han Solo. Luke and Vader engage in a light saber battle and Luke loses his right hand. Vader reveals that he is Luke’s father and that Obi Wan’s story was not completely true. Luke jumps off an air shaft and contacts Leia using the power of the Force. They rescue Luke and meet up with the rest of the Rebel fleet where Luke’s right hand is replaced with a mechanical one. As they leave Vader calls out to him and Luke wonders why Obi Wan lied to him.
Leia and crew arrive at Tatoine to save Han Solo from Jabba the Hutt. Hutt sees through their disguise and captures them. Luke arrives to save them but is thrown into a dungeon with a Rancor. Luke kills the Rancor but he along with Han and the others are sentenced to be thrown down the Sarlacc pit. Jabba is killed by Leia and they all escape to rendezvous with the Rebel fleet. Luke returns to Dagobah to continue his training only to find a dying Yoda. In order to be a true Jedi, Luke must confront Darth Vader. After Yoda tells Luke about his destiny, he dies and vanishes. The Rebels learn of a new Death Star but also learns that it is not yet completed. Han and company destroy the Death Star’s shield generators on Endor with the help of the Ewoks. Luke goes to Vader who take him to the Emperor. The Emperor tries to lure Luke to the dark side. A sword battle starts between Luke and Vader. Vader is crippled and the Emperor starts electrocuting Luke. Feeling compassion for the first time, Vader helps his son by throwing the Emperor into the Death Star’s reactor. Luke tries to take his father with him, but Vader is dying and wants to see Luke with his own eyes before he does. Luke escapes the Death Star just before the Rebels blow it out of the sky. They celebrate their victory in Endor. Han and Leia profess their love for one another, Luke burns the remains of Vader and after meeting up with the others he sees the spirits of all three Jedi Masters Anakin, Obi Wan and Yoda.
October 14th, 2011 at 00:02
diggingmyhead: This is very thorough, but a machine could’ve written it. We’re looking for an emotional connection to the movie.
October 14th, 2011 at 02:06
A long time ago, long before the dreadful release of three prequels, in a galaxy far, far away, a Princess on a ship was under seige by an evil lord called Darth Vader. Leia, the Princess, holds a secret document that turns out to be the Empire’s mightiest weapon – a huge sphere designed to blow up other planets. Before her capture, she was able to hide the documents on a squeaky droid. Some kid named Luke somehow got hold of the droid where a secret message addressed to an old friend Obi-Wan Kenobi was hidden. Luke finds Obi-Wan and learns about Jedi Knights, the Old Republic, The Force, how to use a lightsaber, blah blah blah and they decided to join the Rebel Alliance to expose the evil plot of the Empire. They are joined by hired mercenaries that include a matinee idol, Han, and a walking rug, Chewbacca. They zip through space and rescue the princess and after a tedious space battle, the kid destroys the space station.
Now Darth Vader wants the head of the kid who destroyed his masterpiece but they (the kid, the Princess, and the mercenaries) were able to hide on an icy planet. But the kid had a dream that he needs to seek out a Jedi master named Yoda on a jungle planet. So he leaves and went to Dagobah, the jungle planet, and learns how to be a Jedi knight under the tutelage of the green alien who has problems with sentence construction. Meanwhile, Han and Leia went to seek a friend in a cloudy planet where they were betrayed and Han was turned into a brick. Luke went to the cloudy planet to save his friends but was confronted by Darth Vader. A fight ensued, Luke lost his right hand, and jumps off a bridge when he learned that the evil lord is… gasp! … his father!
Having been rescued by Leia after jumping off a bridge, Luke got a mechanical arm and they set off to save the brick, I mean, their friend Han, who’s been taken captive by a bounty hunter. Disguised, Leia finds and rescues Han from being a wall decor of a crime lord in the form of a humongous slug. Because of too much melodrama, Leia, Han, and Chewbacca were captured and they were sentenced to die in the stomach of a sand monster. Luke rescues them and they all escape.
While all these are happening, the evil Darth Vader is re-creating his masterpiece. Words spread that the new weapon is being protected by a force field generator in a moon filled with furry creatures. So they all set to destroy the generator to eventually destroy the weapon. For added cuteness, they were all captured by the furry creatures but were able to work their way out to continue their mission. Luke surrenders to the dark forces and meets the mastermind of all evil things – the Emperor who goads him to act out of anger and hatred to get the kid to the dark side. A fight ensues between father and son. Son wins but reluctant to kill the dad, and instead faces the Emperor. The Emperor sends bolts of lightning to kill the boy but dad saves him by throwing the evil Emperor into an abyss. They both leave in time for the explosion that destroys the ultimate weapon, but dad died.
Friends were reunited, they had a celebration, relationships explained, and everyone’s happy – along with the ghosts of all who died. Oh, by the way, in case you didn’t know – Leia and Luke are twins, and the story of how it happened is explained in the prequels.
October 15th, 2011 at 00:15
(ARRRGH, took too long editing it to get it under 1000 words. Please accept this very-slightly-late entry!)
———-
Dawn on Tatooine. A sandy-haired farmboy squints into the sun, worrying about his uncle and the harvest and the academy and the new droids and how much TROUBLE he’s in if the little one managed to get away.
A blade made of blue light; a strange hum rises and falls as he waves the sword experimentally. A…lightsaber? The weapon of a Jedi Knight…because his father was one. It’s too crazy to believe, and too amazing not to.
A dim cantina with lively music and more aliens than farmboy Luke has ever seen before. An arrogant pilot with a rogue’s charming grin, a six-foot Wookiee shadow, and a fast ship. —Who’s going to fly it, kid, you? —You bet I could! I’m not such a bad pilot myself!
A slim white figure in a sea of gray and black uniforms; handcuffed but defiant. Until Tarkin gives the order to fire.
A million voices cry out—and are suddenly silent.
Alderaan isn’t there. There isn’t ANYTHING there, except a small moon that’s no moon, it’s a space station.
A door slides open, and the sudden light hurts her eyes. A silhouette in the doorway…a little short for a stormtrooper. —I’m Luke Skywalker! I’m here to rescue you! Then it’s chaos and blaster bolts flying and someone’s gotta take charge and get them out of this mess because the idiot and the walking carpet and the blond kid sure aren’t going to.
A glimpse of two figures between two blast doors sliding shut. One collapses into nothing, and Luke is screaming as the others drag him into the ship.
Fireworks in outer space as pilots die one by one around him. Wedge is gone and there’s a TIE on his tail. He missed once but he’s gotta make it this time.
—Use the Force, Luke.
He turns off his targeting computer and lets the Force flow. Through him, through his fingers and the controls and the proton torpedoes and he did it! One giant firework in outer space.
The celebration is afterwards—medals from a princess, and was it only a few days ago that he was squinting into the Tatooine sun?
Ice on Hoth. Flat blank white wherever he looks, until out of the white there’s a claw and pain and blackness. Escape, and cold, and a message: Dagobah. Yoda.
Flying out of the crumbling Hoth base; sorry Leia, sorry Han, but I have to do this.
Stifling jungle air so humid that he can’t tell the condensation from the perspiration. It drips into his eyes as he balances upside down with his strange new teacher croaking instructions in his strange way.
The cold blackness of space and the annoying, infuriating, appealing warmth of that conceited idiot Han. She doesn’t like rogues and smugglers. She likes nice men! (—I’m a nice man. —No you’re not.)
Cloud City looks like hope and safety and civilization, until it turns out that civilization means stabbing you politely in the back with a cowardly excuse.
Vader’s torturing Han. She can hear the screams from here and she hates the sound, hates Lando, hates Vader for doing this and maybe she does like Han. Maybe more than a bit. Maybe he’ll die in the carbonite and she’ll never have another chance and she has to say it— I love you! —…I know.
Vader’s torturing Han. He can hear the screams from lightyears away in his dreams and they won’t leave him alone and he has to do something! Sorry Master Yoda, sorry Ben, but I have to save them.
Cloud City corridors and a glimpse of Leia being hustled past and she yells Luke, don’t, it’s a trap! but he has to rescue Han.
In the darkness he faces Vader. The man who killed his father. Does Vader even remember Anakin Skywalker? Does he remember killing him or was it just another murder among thousands? Luke tries to fight but Yoda was right, he’s not ready, and soon enough he’s trapped and cornered and ready for the deathblow:
—Luke. I am your father.
No! That’s impossible! He is spinning as he free-falls down because there’s nothing left to hold on to, everything is upside down and topsy-turvy and there’s only one person he can turn to. Leia! Hear me, Leia!
He’s safe with her in the Falcon but he’s not really safe, nowhere in the galaxy is safe any more.
Night. Jabba’s palace is filled with the snoring scum of the galaxy. A figure picks its way to the carbonite figure on the wall, punches the release— Who are you? —Someone who loves you.
Dawn on Tatooine. A sail barge is headed for the Pit of Carkoon. The prisoners squint into the sun and joke about their fate. The barge stops and the prisoners burst into motion, taking their guards unawares.
On his way to join the fleet but there’s one thing he has to do; he promised Yoda he’d come back but it’s almost too late. Just enough time for one last gift: There is another.
Heading to Endor with the rest of the strike team and Luke is afraid he’ll put the team in danger, afraid of facing Vader, but he can’t be afraid because fear is of the Dark Side. For this battle, he needs the Light.
One last thing to do before he leaves. Do you remember your mother? Your real mother? (—I know. Somehow I’ve always known.)
He’s facing Vader; no, Anakin Skywalker, because he believes that Anakin is still in there somewhere. He has to believe it. There is still good in you, I’ve felt it!
The Emperor is turning them against each other and they fight furiously, hatefully, father against son. But no, Luke refuses— I am a Jedi, like my father before me! The Emperor blasts him but the damage is done. Anakin has been awakened.
Luke pulls his father back from the edge of the abyss. He’s got to save him!
—Luke… you already have.