Call Me Sir
Yes I’m one of Those People who bring their laptops to coffee shops and work there. I don’t have WiFi in my building. Why don’t you get WiFi then? Because I know myself, and I know that if I get WiFi I will never leave the house again.
So I’m sitting by the window at a Coffee Bean and a cat, sensing the presence of the Emperor of the Universe, curls up in the seat next to mine. Shouldn’t it be Empress? Yes, but it’s all the same: People will still call me Sir. Perfectly understandable on the phone—when I have a cold I sound like Kathleen Turner morphing into Tom Waits. In person, boggling.
Actual conversation.
Barista: Sir, may I take your order?
Me: Do I look like a man to you?
Barista: No, Sir.
Me: Carry on.
At least I don’t get called Sirma’am/Ma’amsir.
The other night Ernie and I were at a coffee shop when two guys walked in, sat next to us, and started conversing in very loud voices. It was the volume that didn’t just invite eavesdropping, it demanded eavesdropping. The sad part was, their conversation was duller than dirt. They could only be. . .heterosexual male yuppies.
In a voice as loud as theirs I said, “I think it’s a hearing impairment!” They didn’t get it, or they didn’t care. Five minutes later I was going to say something implying substandard equipment specs but they got up and left. I’ve never seen an actual brawl in a coffee shop, I wonder what that would be like.
If you’re going to invite eavesdroppers, make sure you’re not boring.
At the US Open women’s semifinal between Serena Williams and the returning Kim Clijsters: Was Serena being a brat, or did the linesperson err in calling a foot fault that led to match point? Remember that the foot fault rule is never taken seriously; on the other hand it is a rule.
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0300. Holy crap Del Potro just whitewashed Nadal 2, 2, and 2.
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At 6-5, 30-love in the third set, Roger Federer hits a cross-court winner from the baseline between his legs with his back to the net. Federer defeats Djokovic, 7-6, 7-5, 7-5. On to the final.
Answers to questions you might be asking, unless you wandered onto this site purely by accident >>>
September 13th, 2009 at 23:20
hi Jessica!
I hope you heard the Asian woman who was the lines person for that match when she said “Serena said she wanted to kill me!” to the umpire. Then Serena denied and said ” Are you crazy? I never said that I wanted to kill you?!”…. then the referees came in and talked to the lines woman, they decided to do a penalty point ending that match at 7-5… not that I’m insinuating anything but SHE REALLY CAN do that LOL…
it was a nice game though, Serena was always near the net =)
September 14th, 2009 at 00:37
Kathleen Turner morphing into Tom Waits sure sounds sexier than Scarlett Johansson morphing into Tom Waits.
September 14th, 2009 at 07:46
Del Pot-Pot needs to manscape ASAP.
Anyway, Serena. Deserves a suspension and a fine. When Serena said ‘I never said that! Are you kidding me?!’ Some woman from the stands shouted ‘YEAH YOU DID!’
Ayus.
September 15th, 2009 at 08:32
Er… Federer just got shot down by Del Potro. No. Freaking. Way.
September 15th, 2009 at 21:39
I like the Sirma’am/Ma’amsir of the REALLY eloquent sales people of EDMARK. you know the Ironing Pad they sell, it’s dumb to buy that, but they get you to thinking that it’s of utmost importance to get one bec of their sales talk, haha
September 18th, 2009 at 21:03
It would’ve been funnier if Ernie replied to you with “What?!”