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The Seoul city tour bus was ten, fifteen minutes late. It was my fault. I set my phone alarm for 7am but I forgot that Korea time is an hour ahead of the Philippines. I was taking my time, having a coffee when our handler called my room looking for me. By the time I collected myself and dashed to the lobby the tour guide was all huffy. She wouldn’t speak to us. We had to pick up 17 tourists from other hotels, and each time they boarded she apologized profusely for our lateness. After the third time I wanted to wave at the new arrivals and yell, “It’s my fault!”

In every tour group you can easily spot two characters: the one you must never ask to take your picture lest foul consequences ensue, i.e. Me, and the one you must not make eye contact with lest he ask you to take his picture in front of every landmark, rock, and lamppost. The latter was a cheerful white guy, American with a vaguely Slavic accent. The second he got in the bus he jumped into the front seat and cried, “I have the best seat in the house!” The tour hadn’t even started yet and he was already taking pictures.

The tour guide welcomed everyone and remarked on what a beautiful sunny day it was despite the forecast of rain. Good thing no one else spoke Tagalog because my colleagues and I were all lacking sleep.

Pinay 1: Ang init. (It’s hot.)
Pinay 2: Buti pa sa Maynila malamig kasi may bagyo. (At least it’s cold in Manila because there’s a typhoon.)
Me: Sana umulan. (I hope it rains.)

At Gyeongbokgung Palace the guide talked about how in Korea most parents prefer sons to daughters. Her grandmother was disappointed that she, the firstborn grandchild, was female, and never got over it. She even skipped the tour guide’s wedding.

Pinay 1: Hindi ka lang nya mahal. (She just doesn’t love you.)
Pinay 2: From birth pa, hija.
Me: Hindi kultura yan, personal lang. (It’s not cultural, it’s personal.)

At the National Folk Museum you could rent a costume and pose for photos like a character from Jewel In The Palace. We watched two women taking each other’s pictures

Pinay 2: Tingnan mo, naka-pose talaga o. (She’s really into the posing.)
Pinay 1: Di pa satisfied sa kuha ng kaibigan niya, kinuhanan pa ang sarili sa cellphone. Ikaw, ayaw mong pa-picture? (Unsatisfied with her friend’s pictures, she photographs herself with her cellphone. Aren’t you having your picture taken?)
Me: Hindi magkakasya yang headdress sa ulo ko. (That headdress is too small for my giant head.)