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Archive for the ‘Current Events’

Meanwhile, in the country of complete sentences

October 05, 2008 By: jessicazafra Category: Books and Current Events 4 Comments →

Colm Toibin on the great American writer James Baldwin and the Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama, in the NYRB.

“It seemed important, as both men set about making their marks on the world, for them to establish before anything else that their stories began when their fathers died and that they set out alone without a father’s shadow or a father’s permission. James Baldwin’s Notes of a Native Son, published in 1951, begins: “On the 29th of July, in 1943, my father died.” Baldwin was almost nineteen at the time. Barack Obama’s Dreams from My Father, published in 1995, begins also with the death of his father: “A few months after my twenty-first birthday, a stranger called to give me the news.”

“Both men quickly then established their own actual distance from their fathers, which made their grief sharper and more lonely, but also made clear to the reader that they had a right to speak with authority, to offer this version of themselves partly because they themselves, through force of will and a steely sense of character, had invented the voice they were now using, had not been trained by any other man to be the figure they had become. . .”

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The Poetry of Palin

October 05, 2008 By: jessicazafra Category: Current Events and Language 13 Comments →

At Slate, Hart Seely has compiled actual statements made by the Republican VP nominee. Behold this sample, from her ABC News interview.

You are a cynic. 
Because show me where
I have ever said 
That there’s absolute proof 
That nothing that man
Has ever conducted 
Or engaged in,
Has had any effect, 
Or no effect, 
On climate change.

I’m. . .I’m stunned.

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A dolt is a dolt is a dolt.

September 30, 2008 By: jessicazafra Category: Current Events 9 Comments →

Here is a portion of Katie Couric’s interview with Sarah Palin, by way of Newsweek. Couric asks the Republican VP candidate about the planned $700 billion bailout.

COURIC: Why isn’t it better, Governor Palin, to spend $700 billion helping middle-class families who are struggling with health care, housing, gas and groceries; allow them to spend more and put more money into the economy instead of helping these big financial institutions that played a role in creating this mess?

PALIN: That’s why I say I, like every American I’m speaking with, were ill about this position that we have been put in where it is the taxpayers looking to bail out. But ultimately, what the bailout does is help those who are concerned about the health-care reform that is needed to help shore up our economy, helping the–it’s got to be all about job creation, too, shoring up our economy and putting it back on the right track. So health-care reform and reducing taxes and reining in spending has got to accompany tax reductions and tax relief for Americans. And trade, we’ve got to see trade as opportunity, not as a competitive, scary thing. But one in five jobs being created in the trade sector today, we’ve got to look at that as more opportunity. All those things under the umbrella of job creation. This bailout is a part of that. (end of excerpt)

WTF! The woman has no idea what she’s talking about!  This is gibberish strung together out of bits heard on Fox News and seen in newspaper and web headlines, without a sliver of comprehension. I do not exaggerate: you could’ve pulled that answer out of your ass. She sounds like Dubya, but dumber. It is not sexist to call a dimwit a dimwit, especially if she’s running for the vice-presidency—and let’s face it, age and health are huge issues—probably the presidency of a nation which on Monday lost One Trillion Dollars in the worst financial crash since 1987. Gone, vanished, pffft.

Careful when you’re walking down Wall Street, watch out for falling stockbrokers.

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Stewart-Colbert ‘08

September 29, 2008 By: jessicazafra Category: Current Events 2 Comments →

Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert on the American financial crisis.

EW: There are a lot of issues in this election. The biggest one right now is the economy.
STEWART: We were in this huge credit crisis, out of money. Then the Fed goes, We’ll give you a trillion dollars, and all of a sudden Wall Street is like, “I can’t believe we got away with it!” Can you imagine if someone said, “I shouldn’t have bought that sports car because it means I can’t have my house,” and the bank just said, “All right, you can have your house. And you know what? Keep the car.” [He throws up his arms joyfully and shouts] “Yeaaaaah, I get to keep the car! Wait, do I have to give the money back?” “No, it doesn’t matter.” “Yeah, I’m gonna get another car! I’m gonna do the same thing the same way, except twice as f—ed up!” 
COLBERT: The idea that Lehman Brothers doesn’t get any money and AIG does reminds me very much of “Iran is a mortal enemy because they have not achieved a nuclear weapon. But North Korea is a country wecan work with, because they have a nuclear weapon.” The idea is, Get big or go home. How big can you f— up? Can you f— up so bad that you would ruin the world economy? If it’s just 15,000 who are out of jobs, no. You have to actually be a global f—up to get any help.
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How to immigrate to the US

September 26, 2008 By: jessicazafra Category: Current Events 1 Comment →

In the October issue of Reason Magazine, Mike Flynn, Shikha Dalmia, and Terry Colon illustrate what it takes to be a legal US immigrant. Brilliant flowchart for those who are standing in line; it’s going to be a long wait.

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URGENT REQUEST FROM REPUBLIC OF AMERICA FOR BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP (CONFIDENTIAL)

September 25, 2008 By: jessicazafra Category: Current Events and Money 2 Comments →

By Kevin Allman at blogofneworleans.com, via 3Quarks Daily.

Dear American, My Dear Friend:
I am Ministry of the Treasury of the Republic of America.
I need to ask you to support an urgent secret business relationship with a transfer of funds of great magnitude.
My country has had crisis that has caused the need for large transfer of funds of 800 billion dollars US. If you would assist me in this transfer, it would be most profitable to you.I am working with “Mr. Phil Gram,” lobbyist for UBS, who will be my replacement as Ministry of the Treasury in January. As a citizen, you may know him as the leader of the American banking deregulation movement in the 1990s. This transaction is 100% safe.
This is a matter of great urgency. We need a blank check.
We need the funds as quickly as possible. We cannot directly transfer these funds in the names of our close friends because we are constantly under surveillance. My family lawyer advised me that I should look for a reliable and trustworthy person who will act as a next of kin so the funds can be transferred.
Please reply with all of your bank account, IRA and college fund account numbers and those of your children and grandchildren to wallstreetbailout@treasury.gov so that we may transfer your commission for this transaction.
After I receive that information, I will respond with detailed information about safeguards that will be used to protect the funds.
Do not discuss this message with anyone! Time is of the essence!
Yours Faithfully.
Minister of Treasury Hank Paulson

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Cats for Barack!

September 24, 2008 By: jessicazafra Category: Cats and Current Events 6 Comments →

Vote for vision, change, and someone who knows where Spain is. (I am a cat, but I know that (former) fighter pilots should know some geography lest they bomb the wrong place.) Someone who knows the difference between the former Soviet republic named Georgia and the state where Atlanta is. Someone with a sound environmental policy, who understands that polar bears are an endangered species (I love bears!).

Reject George Bush in lipstick!

This message was approved by Saffron Sassafras Saoirse Schmitz Sandler Zohan Zafra-Safina. T-shirt design by Wricky.

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Books not guns

September 23, 2008 By: jessicazafra Category: Books and Current Events 1 Comment →

This came in the mail. We can actually help. Let’s.

“Muslim child warriors are on the rise. Weeks ago, the military showed video footage of the MILF training young kids for war. Last Monday, several peace advocates were kidnapped in Tipo-Tipo, Basilan and the police claim it was the handiwork of 10 “minors” believed to be members of the Abu Sayyaf Group.

“What is alarming is that there were young boys, as young as around 12 years old. They (victims) estimated their ages as between 12 and 19, or teenagers,” Philippine Navy Spokesperson Lt. Edgardo Arevalo said of the incident.

“Unfortunately, me and my wife Annora, a Tausug Muslim, no longer find the matter “alarming.” You grow up with guns, what do you become? You grow up with the culture of hatred, violence, distrust and ignorance, what do you become?

“So, what do we do to children who grew up thinking that the future depends on how they handle their guns? What do we do to children of war who grew up with guns and not books and better education? Kill them all? For those of us who have teenage children, this is a very hard question to answer. For me and my wife, this piece of depressing development in Basilan only emboldened us even more to step up our efforts to flood Mindanao with books through our “A-Book-Saya-Group” book donation project. Help make our ABSG fight the righteous fight not only against the ASG but the MILF, the MNLF and Christian vigilantes groups as well. Please help us expose poor children in war-torn Mindanao to books in the hope that they grow up to be professionals and peace-makers.  

“Initially, we have designated our Satti Grill House outlets in SM Fairview Food Court and at the corner of MH del Pilar and Padre Faura as drop-off points for the books. Later, we hope to tie up with newspapers and private firms to help take in the books. Donors may contact us through Nos. 7992745/3393732 or 09175208013/09195897879 or at zamboyo66@yahoo.com.”

From Armand and Ann Nocum, Concerned parents of 2 Christian-Muslim children

Look, it can’t hurt. Suppose you’re paranoid about giving anything that may end up in the hands of secessionist groups, terrorists, kidnappers. Well they’re books, what are they going to do, fling them at you? Use them as projectiles for catapults? Inflict the Death of a Thousand Paper Cuts? The children of Mindanao need something to read. Help if you can. Children are entitled to a childhood.

Here is Robert Young Pelton’s chilling piece on the horror in Sierra Leone, a war fought by children, many of them 8-year-olds.

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Cats Against Mediocrity

September 22, 2008 By: jessicazafra Category: Books, Cats and Current Events 1 Comment →

As a cat I am always bored, so I follow human politics. It strikes me as bizarre that the Democrats are not ahead in the polls by 30 points, given the quality of their opponents. On one hand you have highly intelligent and accomplished persons, and on the other hand you’ve got those who graduated at the bottom of their class, who bounced from school to school, who are suspicious of books…Apparently voters want someone they can “relate” to. Do they not already face, on a daily basis, the consequences of having elected one they could “relate” to?

I have heard that cuteness of the cheerleader variety is a factor in this exercise. It is true that as a kitten I benefited greatly from my cuteness. However, picking a kitten to adopt is not the same as picking the leader of the free world. I have power over rodents and cockroaches, but the PUSA (President of the United States) has the power of war and pestilence over other countries. Keep the world safe for humans and cats. Reject mediocrity. Particularly those who hate cats, books, and cats who love books. Vote wisely.

This message was approved by Koosalagoopagoop Galadriel Ivanisevic Visconti-Sforza O’Brien. Does your cat have a catty political statement? Send picture and statement to urban.matthias@gmail.com.

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We hate you, too. Hisssss.

September 20, 2008 By: jessicazafra Category: Cats and Current Events 3 Comments →

 


Mat
, originally uploaded by 160507.

 
In an ABC interview, the closest friends of the Republican VP nominee revealed that she hates cats.

Meow! We knew there had to be another reason why our hairs stand on end every time we see you on TV, moose-huntin’-and-dressin’ woman. Another reason besides the obvious fact that you are not qualified to be America’s Number Two and the thought of you being so close to a nuclear arsenal gives us the creeps. You sound catty enough in your speeches, but we are more highly-evolved than you are. For starters, we understand what evolution is. We are deeply offended on behalf of Socks’ human. Cat-hater, you’re no Hillary Clinton. While cats are either monarchists or anarchists, we approve of the Democratic nominee’s feline elegance and intelligence. We do not recognize the quaint concept of borders, but as members of the United Species, we are for Obama.

This message was approved by Matthias Eomer Octavian Federer-Urban.

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Is this yours?

September 19, 2008 By: jessicazafra Category: Current Events No Comments →

“Wanted: the owners of 137 artworks discovered in an apartment in Manhattan, suspected stolen. The FBI is appealing for owners to come forward to claim the paintings and sculptures that were found in the Upper East Side - some of them stuffed under a bed - in one of the more unusual mysteries to fall to federal investigators.

“The artworks were found in the apartment of an occasional art writer and genealogist called William M V Kingsland, who died in March 2006, aged 62, leaving no will. His collection of about 300 pieces - including works by Alberto Giacometti, Pablo Picasso and Odilon Redon - was handed to two auction houses to sell off.”But over the past 18 months the relatively straightforward story of an intestate private art collector has slowly turned into a deepening mystery of double identities and theft. The alarm was first sounded when a gallery owner bought a portrait by John Singleton Copley of the Second Earl of Bessborough for $85,000 (£ 42,000). Looking into its provenance, he found it had been stolen from Harvard University in 1971…”
The stolen art under the bed in The Guardian.

Maybe they’re all Sanyo? Bad ad joke.

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Bogus math + suckers = $1,000,000,000,000 up in smoke

September 18, 2008 By: jessicazafra Category: Current Events and Money 1 Comment →

In the light of the cataclysmic collapse of financial institutions, Nassim Nicolas Taleb, Distinguished Professor of Risk Engineering at New York University’s Polytechnic Institute, author of Fooled by Randomness and the bestseller The Black Swan, asks: Are we using models of uncertainty to produce certainties?

“Black swans” are highly improbable and unpredictable events that have massive impact. Taleb argues that the banking system, betting against black swans, just wiped out one TRILLION dollars, more money than was ever made in the history of banking.

“It appears that financial institutions earn money on transactions (say fees on your mother-in-law’s checking account) and lose everything taking risks they don’t understand. I want this to stop, and stop now— the current patching by the banking establishment worldwide is akin to using the same doctor to cure the patient when the doctor has a track record of systematically killing them. And this is not limited to banking—I generalize to an entire class of random variables that do not have the structure we thing they have, in which we can be suckers.

“And we are beyond suckers: not only, for socio-economic and other nonlinear, complicated variables, we are riding in a bus driven a blindfolded driver, but we refuse to acknowledge it in spite of the evidence, which to me is a pathological problem with academia. . .”

The Fourth Quadrant: A Map of the Limits of Statistics, in Edge. Makes stats riveting!

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