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“Swedes are better cooks than the French,” declared Chef Robert Lilja, a Swede who has lived and worked in the Philippines for 24 years. Last Saturday we tested this argument at Lilja’s restaurant, Savoy Bistro on Kalayaan Avenue, Poblacion, Makati. (The place known as “Backwell”, behind Rockwell “Gillage”. There are lots of bars and restaurants coming up in the area, and Lilja believes it will be the next Malate.)

Savoy Bistro is located inside East Asia Art Gallery, which makes for an interesting atmosphere…

Okay, we’re not crazy about the artworks. “How do you like the paintings?” “The appetizers are wonderful!” We noshed on morsels of steak tartare on multigrain bread,

Escargots swimming in butter,

Mussels, and

Jamon Serrano.

And that was just the teaser. For the main course there was Sole Walewska in lobster and cognac sauce, served with truffled mashed potatoes and asparagus (Php640). A recipe from the great Escoffier, Chef Lilja informed us. Uhh…wasn’t he French? The chef waved off the contradiction. He added that Savoy Bistro specializes in classic European cuisine from 1730 – 1910, and their already extensive menu changes every six months.

Any doubts as to this Swede’s culinary mojo were crushed by the next dish: Pepper Steak Madagascar—beef tenderloin medallion with a black and white pepper sauce (Php890). They do not stint on the pepper. We found ourselves crunching on peppercorns; this did not stop us. We just drank more wine.

Ordinarily we find excuses to avoid the vegetables, but this excellent Napoleon Salad (Php340) cooled our over-stimulated taste buds. We know that Napoleon Bonaparte invented Poulet Marengo, but if he also thought up this salad of greens, sun-dried tomatoes, roasted vegetables, olives and walnuts in balsamic vinaigrette, we’re a bit sorry his campaign for world domination went kaput.

Our dinner was so delicious, the generous dessert of mango crepes, creme brulee and chocolate mousse had the air of anticlimax. We resolved to return to Savoy Bistro until we had eaten our way through the entire menu.

French cooks, the gauntlet has been hurled. We await your riposte.

Savoy Bistro, 8479 Kalayaan Avenue (near the Bel-Air Gate on Amapola), Poblacion, Makati. Telephone (02)8965667, email savoybistro@eastasianarts.ph. Open daily from 12nn to 3pm, and 6pm to 12mn.

We don’t usually shop at Bow & Wow the organic pet food store because we have a rule in our house that says the cats’ food can’t be more expensive than the human’s. But Dinna gave us a gift certificate so we went to the store and bought a selection of gourmet entrees. Which our cats will review. Thanks, Dinna!

One of Saffy’s favorite sites: Procatinator.

* * * * *

Review # 1: Merrick Five Star Gourmet Entrees: California Roll.

Koosi: It has a strong smell, almost pungent.

Saffy: The consistency is mushy but it is quite delicious.

Mat: Check out this picture I took of a cat eating an entree.

Koosi: Where’s the entree?

Mat: He ate it all up.

Saffy: Where’s the cat?

Mat: He already ate.

Everybody: Why should he stay around?

On the occasion of Kermit’s…25th birthday, we took 11 of our favorite people to Impressions, the French restaurant at Maxim’s Hotel in Resorts World Manila. Chef Cyrille Soenen prepared an excellent dinner that lives on in our memory but not on our hips—the portions were just right, and while we dined in splendor we were able to stand up and walk afterwards.

We started with an amuse bouche: an intense tomato soup that set our taste buds to tingling.

Then came these dramatically-covered dishes. “Dramatic” as in “Smoking”.

The covers were simultaneously removed to reveal—amidst wisps of smoke—the duo of salmon demi-deuil: marinated salmon in truffle sauce, and smoked salmon and herring caviar. Those dots near the edges are mashed green pea hummus.

There was porcini cream soup served in two parts. First, the duck liver flan and crispy chestnut…

then the truffle cappuccino.

It required great discipline to refrain from licking the dish when the soup was gone. Fortunately it was time for the main course. We had a choice of

Salmon confit in black olive oil, mashed spinach and saffron risotto (There were crayons on the table, so Bert decorated his table setting) and

Pamora farm chicken with sautéed vegetables for our friends who declined red meat, or

this tender, succulent US beef tenderloin, Rossini style, with cappuccino of truffle mashed potatoes for the unrepentant meatatarians.

Dessert was introduced slowly, with mignardises.

Our apologies for the blurred photo; when one’s eyes are glazed with delight, taking pictures is the last thing one wants to do.

Then the dessert: chocolate souffle with a molten core.

In the words of Molly Bloom in the final chapter of Ulysses—yes, the reason for that ridiculous obscenity trial—Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!

And because you can never have too much chocolate, we finished with a chocolate truffle birthday cake by Big Bird.

Fabulous.

Impressions is on the 3rd floor, Maxims Tower. Call (02)908 8883 for reservations or inquiries or email impressions@rwmanila.com.

Franco invited us to try ‘Cue, a new restaurant at Central High Street in Bonifacio Global City. “What do they serve?” we asked. “Meat,” he replied. “Say no more, we’re there.”

Bone Marrow and Steak Tacos, good for 2-3 people, Php485

The appetizers included Spicy Fried Wings, Crunchy Baby Squid, and some soups and salads, but one item on the menu reached out and touched our arteries: Bone Marrow and Steak Tacos. Bulalo and beef served with flour tortillas, corn salsa and salsa verde. Eeeveel.

Eeeveel and goood. Felt like mopping our tongue with the tortilla to get out the sebo. What, we don’t eat it everyday.

The drinks are served in jars with screw-tops (garapon), which remind us of Mags Bennett’s apple pie moonshine in Justified. Dammit Mags, why’d you have to go and do that. Justified is set in hillbilly country so we expected toothless incestuous banjo-playing mutants from Deliverance and got Timothy Olyphant.

Beef Belly, good for 2-3 people, Php695.

Our main course: 250 grams of Beef Belly braised in dark ale then slightly charred and mustard-crusted with roasted onions. Mmmm Timothy Olyphant. With a side of Chili Monggo.

Chicken Pot Pie, Php325.

And a flavorful Chicken Chipotle Chorizo Pot Pie. Good dessert, too, but we were too focused on the protein.

The restaurant is cozy, the seats comfortable, the service efficient. The acoustics need work—we had to yell across the table—but that can be fixed. Satisfying food, prices not too bad—we’ll be back.

We suddenly missed the corner bakeries of our childhood where, apart from the staple pan de sal they sold pan de coco, pan di limon, Spanish bread, ensaymada, mamon, and that bread with red or purple in the middle.

Never knew what that red/purple bread was called, but Margarita says its name is pampam. As in the 60s Tagalog slang for slut. (We’ve heard the bread referred to as pan de regla, which is just gross.)

In the 70s our older cousins’ word for slut was paka, short for pakawala, like “She’s so paka.”

In the 50s the term for slut was hotsie-patotsie. We learned that from our publisher Teddyboy, who speaks 1950s Assumptionista Tagalog. When surprised he still says “Ay kamote!” Which is more polite than the expression used by Tina’s ancient aunt whenever she is startled: “Ay p**i ni Santa Catalina!” What the saint’s vagina had to do with anything, we have no idea.

Speaking of bread and genitalia, we remembered Ambeth’s story about the time he brought some Spanish friends to a bakery and they died of laughter when they saw monay. But that was just the regular monay. The bigger size monay was called Abanaku and the largest, Susmaryosep. Hmmm, bread, genitalia and holiness. Very Catholic.

Nescafe Dolce Gusto hosted a lunch at Beso in Central High Street to introduce their new coffee machine. The chef prepared a degustacion—small portions of Mediterranean dishes, each course paired with one of the Dolce Gusto coffees.

If you place a good cup of coffee in front of us we will drink it. So during the starters we were quite chatty.

Dinna mentioned cosmetics. We brought up a factoid we’d heard somewhere that Joel Cruz sold a billion pesos worth of scent last year. Yes, one billion pesos. We are clearly in the wrong line of work. Liza noted that Bench’s bestseller is scent, hence all the movie stars/celebrities launching their own perfume brands.

During the main course hilarity ensued.

We noted that Hayden Kho had his own perfume, and Dinna said it had been sold to Ever Bilena. We said how odd it was that the billboard for his perfume showed him fully-dressed when he is best remembered in a state of undress. That perfume should’ve been called Careless Whisper. (But would he have to pay licensing fees to George Michael?) Or Wham Bam Thank You Ma’am, Pia added.

By dessert we felt like walking all the way home, a bad idea as it was the height of summer.

Jiggy showed us how to use the Dolce Gusto machine. First you choose a capsule (Caffe Lungo, Espresso, Capuccino, Latte Macchiato, Mocha, Chococino or Peach tea). Then three easy steps: pop the capsule in the thingy, lock the compartment, and drop the latch. Voila, good coffee in a minute. (It is not a sushal na 3-in-1, it is a sushal na coffeemaker.)

Nescafe Dolce Gusto is available in supermarkets for Php4,999. A box of 8 capsules costs Php402.