JessicaRulestheUniverse.com

If I’ve seen it once, I’ve seen it a thousand times. I’m referring to a student’s writing a sentence like:

You need a comma after “movie” because this and only this is Mr. Allen’s newest movie in theaters, and before “Jessie” because she and only she is the writer’s oldest friend.

Read The Most Comma Mistakes by Ben Yagoda in the NYT.

Before Nora Aunor, all the big stars of the Filipino screen were mestizo. Photo from alphamusic.ph.

At the Hong Kong Sevens rugby tournament the other week the Fiji Rugby Union made this observation on their official Twitter account.

“The only thing Philippines about the Philippine team playing in the Hong Kong 7s is the name of the team.”

This remark is interesting in light of the flap over Arnold Clavio’s “hindi kayumanggi” statement about the Philippine national football team. We don’t think the Philippine Rugby Union should make like the Azkals management and write a strongly-worded letter denouncing this “racist” statement.

In the first place it will seem like a sore loser move because Fiji won the HK7s, thrashing the world’s rugby powers before beating the mighty New Zealand in the final. (The Philippines, making its first-ever appearance in the tournament, was like the plucky indie movie at the Oscars who’s just happy to be nominated.)

Read our column at InterAksyon.com.

Lollipop commercial

So the whole news world was up in arms recently because of this newscast referring to Barack and Michelle Obama “fisting” each other in the White House, the speaker blissfully unaware of the unsettling slang definition of the term. And while we can all laugh at that lady and her obliviousness, the truth is there are all sorts of everyday words that, in the right crowd, will draw the same muffled laughter as the fisting gaffe up there. Such as…

6 Everyday Words With Disturbing Alternate Meanings

We would add:

1. Bati. Tagalog for “greet”, “reconcile after a quarrel”, “beat eggs with a whisk”. And “masturbate”. My druid: “When people have an argument, I never say, Magbati na kayo.”

2. Top. Gay men, explain to the heteros.

3. Bottom. See #2.

4. Bayo. Tagalog for “grind with a pestle”. Also a popular clothing brand. And Tagalog for “masturbate”.

5. Remember that ad, “Chupa Chups: the pleasure of sucking”?

On a recent visit to Save The Words, a site which promotes the use of words threatened with extinction, we adopted the first two that leapt out at us:

which means “eating or consuming everything” and

which means “full of broth or soup”. By adopting these words we commit to using them as often as we can. Later it occurred to us that both words are concerned with eating.

Last Thursday we attended the opening of the Complementary Medicine Center at St Luke’s in Bonifacio Global City. As Consolata and I were leaving the building we saw the media massed in driveway, cameras aimed at the doors.

“Dammit,” I said, “My serfs have leaked my whereabouts to the paps again.”

“It’s so hard to get good help these days,” sighed Consolata, presenting his favorite angle to the lenses.

“But wait,” I recalled, “I don’t have serfs.”

No, the media were waiting for the husband of the former President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo to leave the hospital for his appearance at the Senate committee hearing on corruption. The Arroyos are under investigation for alleged pamphagous behavior on many jussulent deals, including the purchase of helicopters. (My adopted words would live longer if their applications go beyond the culinary.)

That morning it had been reported that the former president’s scheduled surgery had been postponed due to an infection. By lunchtime we had all received the text joke about second-hand implants at least thrice. People can be so uncharitable. Would they be kinder if the medical emergencies did not always coincide with summons from the Senate? Probably not.

“Next we will hear that the former president’s condition will require medical treatment abroad,” Kermit said at dinner (where, pamphagous eater that I am I had the porchetta, the cheese, and the M&Ms). How cynical we are. Yesterday’s headline: “Docs advise GMA to get treatment abroad, says camp.” The news would be more jussulent if it weren’t totally expected.

The official Zombadings tote bag modeled by harried yet fabulous writer-producer Raymond Lee.

Apelonyo, allancarreon, Tara and shadowplay, ang tataroush ninyo! You get the official Zombadings 1: Patayin Sa Shokot Si Remington tote bag and pin. Please post your full names in Comments (they won’t be published) so you can claim your prizes.

Tara, shadowplay and allancarreon: You can pick up your prizes any time at Wild Ginger restaurant in the basement of Power Plant Mall, Rockwell, Makati. Just tell the staff you’re picking up your prize from this site. Apelonyo, we’re waiting for your full name.

Here are excerpts from the winning entries, for your delectation and amazement.
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Sali na sa paligsahan ng pagsasalin!

Translate Raymond Queneau into Baklese and win one of these.