JessicaRulestheUniverse.com

Personal blog of Jessica Zafra, author of The Collected Stories and the Twisted series
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Archive for the ‘Movies’

Journal of a Lockdown, 26 April 2020

April 27, 2020 By: jessicazafra Category: Current Events, History, Journal of a Lockdown, Movies No Comments →


You can still watch the movie and discussion online, and please donate what you can to the film workers—electricians, carpenters, PAs, utility men and others—who cannot work during quarantine.

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With so many people vying for the top prize in the Ultimate Douchebag Reality Show, how can we keep track of all the aspirants? Today I was reminded that in our current reality one need not be a politician, businessman, or famous person to be a purulent hemorrhoid: within your own small circle, you, too, can be a blight on humanity!
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Journal of a Lockdown, 17 April 2020

April 17, 2020 By: jessicazafra Category: Current Events, Journal of a Lockdown, Movies No Comments →


A scene from The Green Ray (1986) and Say Anything (1989)

I’m taking a day off from living in extremely interesting times and pretending that it’s my old, quiet, fairly uneventful life before lockdown.

I’m bored already. Boredom is a state to be desired, free of fear, anxiety, and existential dread—a luxury. I will never complain of boredom again.
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Journal of a Lockdown, 14 April 2020

April 15, 2020 By: jessicazafra Category: Current Events, Journal of a Lockdown, Movies 2 Comments →


Thank you for sending me the first-look photo of Timothée Chalamet in Dune. I only got it 100 times. Here’s a photo of House Atreides. Really looking forward to Denis Villeneuve’s Dune. I want to see the sandworms and navigators. The aliens in Arrival were brilliantly-designed.

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The most valuable items in my house, based on rarity and demand, are two 250ml bottles of 70% isopropyl rubbing alcohol that my brother-in-law found at Mercury Drug, along with three surgical masks that were selling at 300% of their retail price in February. (Which was already higher than usual since the ashfall.) I had not seen a bottle of rubbing alcohol since January, when “coronavirus” was a new fear following the eruption of Taal Volcano and the possibility of war between the US and Iran (which now seem as distant as the Cretaceous). The masks are also precious, since I’ve been wearing the same two masks for a month and they contain enough of my DNA to clone me from.
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My story for February: Genius and Garbage

February 23, 2020 By: jessicazafra Category: Books, Movies No Comments →


Photo by Julius Drost

Genius and Garbage: A Testament
by Jessica Zafra

Venerando Palacios, the Mad Maestro, only made two kinds of movies. The first, works of insane and utter genius, inspired orgasms in asexual cinephiles and baffled moviegoers who tried to make sense of the non-linear narrative. The second united cinephiles and philistines who identified it as exploitative garbage. I have spent the last decade hunting down prints of his movies, and I agree.

I was seven or eight when I saw my first Palacios film, a sex-drama called Goddess of the Island. It is remembered largely as the film that popularized wet T-shirts in Philippine cinema. My parents, whose tastes were solidly middlebrow, snuck me into a screening marked “Strictly For Adults Only”. They wanted to see what all their friends were talking about. The bobbing brassiere-free breasts of the lead actress riding a horse on the beach while waves crashed on the shore repulsed me, as did the clean-shaven chest of the strapping actor who played her lover. I was more impressed at the chaos wrought in the tiny seaside village by those same breasts: the local maidens transformed into jealous hags, the wise healer into a salivating voyeur, the young parish priest chucking his vows. The wages of lust. So this was what my religion teachers were warning us about, that mythical ticket to hell.

Palacios’s next movie, Taxi Dancer, was a succes de scandale, our local version of Stravinsky’s The Rite of Spring or Manet’s Dejeuner sur l’herbe. Set among the floozies, dreamers and derelicts of a dingy burlesque hall, its ten-minute climax featured the titular actress dancing while having a miscarriage. The guardians of public morality had conniptions, the critics went into ecstasies, and the censors gave it an X rating, ensuring that everyone would go to see it. Whether real or feigned there is nothing like outrage to draw audiences to the cinema. Or to motivate a kid to disobey the good advice of his elders and become a film archivist. Who worked in an ad agency, because the bills must be paid.

I did not see Taxi Dancer until I was in college, on pirate DVD. The muddy copy, the tinny soundtrack, and the filmmaker’s excesses could not conceal its brilliance. Philistines only saw a woman in a skimpy dress shaking her booty while blood and gore flowed down her legs. I saw life in all its messy glory, or at least I thought so. Often I can’t tell if I’m seeing what’s actually on the screen, or projecting an image from my head—assuming these are two separate things.

Of Palacios’s vast and unwieldy oeuvre, I had a particular fondness for Summer Rain, a romantic melodrama that I saw many times on TV as a child when I was supposed to be taking my afternoon siesta. It’s a Romeo and Juliet love story, though the lovers are not from feuding families, but the same one. First cousins. Oh the agony. Oh the guilt and hysterical passion. In the end the girl’s parents, upstanding bourgeois, take the girl away. The boy runs after the car, sometimes nearly catching it at a red light, sometimes almost losing it at a green light, but running and running while the credits roll all the way to the end. I had not seen Summer Rain in many years, and assumed there was no existing print of the film. But I remembered it in minute detail, down to the pink sandals the girl was wearing as she walked in the rain with tears streaming down her face. In all likelihood my memories bore no resemblance to the movie, but in the absence of a copy even on ancient Betamax, our memories of the movies we loved are all that remains of them.

End of excerpt. To get access to the whole story and to a new story every month, consider being our patron on Patreon.

In 2010 Noel and I went to Siniloan, Laguna to interview Celso Ad Castillo for the Cinema One catalogue. It was wild. This story was inspired by that meeting. The plots of the movies in the story are exaggerated, weirder versions of Castillo’s movies.

Greta Gerwig’s vibrant Little Women redeems the novel from romantic triangle hell

February 20, 2020 By: jessicazafra Category: Books, Movies 1 Comment →

Why do we even bother with the Oscars?

January 14, 2020 By: jessicazafra Category: Movies 2 Comments →


J.Lo in Lorene Scafaria’s Hustlers, which got zero nominations

Public interest in the Oscars has fallen. The choices are mostly predictable. The ceremony is preceded by dozens of other awards ceremonies, so by the time it rolls around we’re tired of seeing everyone mouth the same platitudes. Media coverage focuses more on the outfits than on what exactly the nominees have done. The Academy is tired and needs freshening up. More than banning stylists so the nominees have to dress themselves, more than providing drunken Olivia Colman acceptance speeches, the Academy needs to pay attention to the times.

Why do I care? Force of habit and a lifetime of watching the telecast. Occasionally the Academy shocks me by agreeing with my choices, but not this year. Seventy-five percent of my actor bets didn’t even get nominated. Why? Here are some guesses


Adam Sandler in the Safdie Brothers’ Uncut Gems, zero nominations

Adam Sandler. “Because he’s Adam Sandler, a comedian, not to be taken seriously.” “Pushy Jewish hustler from New York–isn’t he just being himself?” Sandler will get his usual revenge by making a crap movie that you all will watch.

Lupita Nyong’o. “She’s in a Jordan Peele horror-comedy, we just acknowledged Get Out recently.” “Doesn’t she already have an Oscar for playing a slave?” Lupita will have her usual revenge by being Lupita.


Lupita Nyong’o in Jordan Peele’s Us, zero nominations

Jennifer Lopez. “Pole-dancing performer using her sexuality–isn’t she just being herself?” “Because she’s J.Lo, not to be taken seriously.” J.Lo will have her usual revenge by being J.Lo. And reminding you all that she’s 50.

Brad Pitt. “Yes, he’s just being himself, but we old white guys just want to be Brad Pitt.”