JessicaRulestheUniverse.com

Personal blog of Jessica Zafra, author of The Collected Stories and the Twisted series
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Archive for the ‘Movies’

Roger Ebert, 70.

April 05, 2013 By: jessicazafra Category: Movies No Comments →

The film critic Roger Ebert has died. Some years ago, after he was diagnosed with cancer, he wrote this advance review of the afterlife in his online journal.

I know it is coming, and I do not fear it, because I believe there is nothing on the other side of death to fear.

I hope to be spared as much pain as possible on the approach path. I was perfectly content before I was born, and I think of death as the same state. What I am grateful for is the gift of intelligence, and for life, love, wonder, and laughter. You can’t say it wasn’t interesting. My lifetime’s memories are what I have brought home from the trip. I will require them for eternity no more than that little souvenir of the Eiffel Tower I brought home from Paris.

Thank you, Mr. Ebert.

Giant sea monster takes a dump on Manila

March 28, 2013 By: jessicazafra Category: Movies 2 Comments →

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in Guillermo Del Toro’s upcoming movie, Pacific Rim. (Did they even need CGI?)

Question to the candidates for Manila mayor: How would you deal with something like this?

Read our column at InterAksyon.com.

Do not put Jim Carrey in your movie (unless he’s the star)

March 26, 2013 By: jessicazafra Category: Movies 3 Comments →

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He will take it to a weird and insane place that we prefer to the rest of the movie. Then he disappears and we spend the whole time waiting for him to return.

The Incredible Burt Wonderstone isn’t terrible, but The Incredible Steve Gray (the character Carrey plays) would’ve been hilarious. They could’ve replaced Steve Carell, Alan Arkin and Steve Buscemi with 80s TV stars and no one would notice. What is the point of casting Buscemi if you’re not going to put him in a wood chipper or something?

We think it’s time for a Jim Carrey renaissance. This time, Jim, do not try to play normal people in obvious Oscar bait movies.

Your kid could do this, but your kid is not Tilda.

March 25, 2013 By: jessicazafra Category: Art, Movies 1 Comment →

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Tilda Swinton has currently taken up residency sleeping at MoMA. It’s part of an unannounced, surprise performance piece called “The Maybe” that will be taking place on random days all year. A MoMA source told us, “Museum staff doesn’t know she’s coming until the day of, but she’s here today. She’ll be there the whole day. All that’s in the box is cushions and a water jug.”

Read the report at Gothamist.

Reason to watch Admission: Paul Rudd

March 24, 2013 By: jessicazafra Category: Movies 11 Comments →

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Our instant review of Admission: Omigod I love Josh! If you don’t know where that came from, we cannot help you.

* * * * *

We love Tina Fey. We love Paul Rudd. We love Lily Tomlin (Tap tap! All Of Me). We love (/are) nerds. We love campus comedies. We love Wallace Shawn.

Admission, directed by Paul Weitz and written by Karen Croner, has all of the above but we don’t love it. The story is all over the place. We feel nothing for the protagonist—if Tina Fey can’t make us like her, she’s dead in the water. The conflicts aren’t real conflicts (Wala naman talaga silang problema). The director resorts to hackneyed visual gimmicks and the movie ends with a cringe-making voice-over. Just when you think the movie is steering clear of the pat resolution, the pat resolution comes flying out of the screen and goes splat on your face.

Watch Admission for Paul Rudd. Why is he so adorable?

Or skip Admission altogether and see This Is 40. He’s not as adorable in it, but the movie is hysterical!

Star Trek: The Wrath of the Cumberbatch

March 22, 2013 By: jessicazafra Category: Movies 5 Comments →

Aaaaaaaaaaaa he’s using The Voice! They’re dooooooomed!