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Family portrait, originally uploaded by saffysafina.

Marat lost in the semis to The Fed. He couldn’t summon up his A game, gesticulated, muttered, yelled, threw his racquet. A minor opera from a man who one flew into a rage, smashed a chair onto the court, then recited a poem in Russian and apologized to the audience. Never been one for consolation prizes, but he won five matches in a row. Also, I’d assumed that he’d been playing badly for over a year because he was nuts. Turns out the problem wasn’t all mental. According to the Times of London, his coach Herman Gumy, who joined the team ten months ago, realized that Marat was favoring his surgically-repaired knee. This had changed his movement, notably the swing on his forearm. They’ve been undoing this, and the results are just beginning to show.

Oz Open 05 from maratsafin.com, originally uploaded by saffysafina.

And Marat is in the semifinals! Still unburdened by expectations as no one expects him to win anyway. I can’t stop cackling. So this is his career plan: Appear like comet. Casually dismantle champ at US Open. Impress everyone with pure talent and volatility. Casually lose Australian Open. Come back, win Aus Open. Vanish down the rankings, wait till you’ve been written off. Sneak back into the game while everyone looking elsewhere. Make no promises whatsoever. Clever.

Asked to account for his resurgence at Wimbledon, Marat said, “Shit happens.”

And Marat is in the quarterfinals! Before Wimbledon he couldn’t win two matches in a row, and he always says grass is not his best surface. (Was it last year that he led a revolt against the food?) Last night he beat the 13th seed Stanislas Wawrinka. That match wasn’t aired because they showed the Murray-Gasquet five-set thriller. British number one vs. French number one. I thought Gasquet had it—he was on in the first two sets, then in the third set Murray got pumped up, which got the crowd pumped up, which got him really pumped up. I think the Brits are finally warming to Murray as the replacement for their beloved Tim Henman. Will their adulation carry him past the Nadal juggernaut in the quarters? Earlier, The Fed beat former Wimbledon winner Lleyton Hewitt—there was some difficulty in the first set, then it was a stroll. The media has really pounded Roger over his vulnerability this year (so he gets testy in the press conference, and they say, See? He’s really vulnerable!)—many predicted that Hewitt would win despite having lost their last 11 matches. There goes number 12.

Ten years ago this September, Gail, Aye, and I went to Singapore to watch the Heineken Open. That year the Open drew some big names: Marcelo Rios, Michael Chang, and Goran Ivanisevic. Gail was already ill, but she spent as much time as she could trawling tennis forums on the web to defend Marcelo Rios. Aye, we decided, was destined for Michael Chang. I was a Goran fan who believed despite everything that the Crazy Croat would win a major (I always root for the monstrously talented but unstable underachievers). Not content with getting tickets to the matches, we decided to bring gifts for our favorite players. Gail and I bought these anting-anting pendants, and when we got to Singapore we dropped them off at the concierge of the hotel where the players were billeted.

We never found out if Rios and Goran had gotten the stuff, although Gail thought she saw Rios wearing the anting-anting during the Masters championships later that year. If you watch tennis, you will notice that the players wear some interesting stuff around their necks. I’ve seen a few pukka shell necklaces. Marat used to wear The One Ring on a chain, which is another reason we love him, even if it probably didn’t help his game (It’s Evil).

I remembered this at dinner because my friend mentioned that she wrote a fan letter to Shintaro, The Samurai, and he (or his people) sent her an autographed picture. Then another friend recalled how he wrote a letter to Stan Lee and Stan Lee personally wrote him back (The letter is gone). I never heard from Goran Ivanisevic or his management, but three years later he finally won Wimbledon.

Marat def Djokovic Wimbledon 2008, originally uploaded by Koosama.

Holy Eastern European swearwords, Marat Safin just mowed down number three seed Novak Djokovic in the second round at Wimbledon, 6-4, 7-6(3), 6-2! HAHAHAHAHAHA! alternating with tears. Yes Marat is mental and we love him. His pre-Wimbledon tune-up was mountain-climbing in the Himalayas. Yes he may lose in the next rounds to some guy ranked 400. No, we’re never going to change my cat Saffy Safin’s name no matter how bonkers her papy gets!

The old guy (28) and former number one looks across the net at the young guy (21) who’s gunning for number one and thinks, “So this is the hot guy on the tour.” And the young guy freezes. What Marat can do when his head is screwed on right, but never mind that.

Saw the live scores on the Wimbledon site. Starsports was airing women’s singles, so Safin vs Djokovic was not aired live, and not in its entirety.

Update. Marat defeated a scrappy Andreas Seppi, 7-6, 3-6, 7-6, 6-4 on Court 1 (Before he beat Djokovic, he was playing in Court 11) before a crowd that really, really wanted Marat to win. The match finished at 9.30pm London time; he complained that it was so dark, he couldn’t see the ball. On another court, another of the missing made his presence known: Mario Ancic is back, beating fifth seed David Ferrer. Of the seeds, Davydenko, Roddick, Sharapova, Ivanovic are out. Great matches so far at SW19, epic struggles of high quality.

Marat 2003, originally uploaded by Koosama.

For this French Open I decided to make like a tennis player and be superstitious. Like all sports, tennis is full of rituals and strange beliefs: lucky underwear, amulets, not getting up during the timeout until your opponent has left his seat, lining up your water bottles so the labels are all facing the same way. I did not say a word about somebody’s chances, in case I jinxed him. Weeks ago I said I would root for Richard Gasquet, and I meant it only half-seriously, but he still withdrew from the tournament on account of injury. I did not discuss the matches with anyone, and I’m not watching the men’s final, which is on right now.

I quietly cheered for Dinara Safina, who was on a winning streak that saw her dispose of Justine Henin and Maria Sharapova. It can’t be easy being Marat’s sister–from birth she’s probably heard people say, “You’re Marat’s sister?” followed by a significant pause as questioner ponders the vagaries of genetics. They look alike, but look at him. Then he became a star for winning grand slams and being nuts, and she was mid-level in the Russian girl invasion. So she made it to her first grand slam final, and there’s no reason why she can’t win majors. Post-Henin, with the Williams sisters no longer playing full-time, women’s tennis is an open field. Will Marat and Dinara be the Donnie and Marie of professional tennis? The Osmondovs.

2323h. Ha! I was right not to watch the men’s final! Aiieee, straight sets, bagel in the third, so I spared myself some hyperacidity. And I did not jinx my chicken, though it could be argued that not watching was the jinx (Superstition being opposite of logic). Explanation by superstition: The Fed is chasing slam number 13.

1. Not just an excellent match between Nadal and Djokovic, but a great display of cojones from both players. Best match of the season so far. Rafa beat Djokovic 7-5, 2-6, 6-2, but he had to throw everything he had at Djoker to win that last game. Djoker cut out the nonsense and played ballsy tennis. What does he do when facing match point? Make drop shots. Ostensibly they were battling for the number 2 ranking, but the match was really about who succeeds The Fed when the time comes. Rafa’s been waiting in the wings for three years, that’s too long. Now here comes a guy whose backhand seems to manage Rafa’s forehand of death. Suddenly the clay season is actually exciting.

2. Nerve-wracking Hamburg final between Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal. Nadal wins, 7-5, 6-7(3), 6-3. Roger storms to 5-1 in the first set, then Rafa catches up. And goes on to win the first set, 7-5. I’d say “inconceivable”, except that we’ve seen this happen before, most recently at the Monte Carlo final. (Remember Roland Garros two years ago?) Roger takes the early lead, Rafa catches up, then you can see the spirit leaving Roger’s body (Note the posture). Yes, Nadal is the best player on clay, but it looks like Roger’s problem is psychological. Still, Fed went to the net more, and made some bizarre errors while he was at it, but this is a tactic that could pay off.

Incidentally, Fed fans, have you noticed how much we like Rafa now that Djokovic is posing a threat? At the French Open, I’m going to root for. . .Richard Gasquet.

I skipped the tennis news for a few days, so when I read that Justine Henin had retired, I thought it was from a match. Turns out she’s retired from professional tennis. She said she didn’t feel like it anymore, and now she’s going to get a life. First woman to quit at number one. Maria Sharapova takes over the top spot on the women’s tour, and she has true grit and power, but not Henin’s arsenal of shots. We’re going to miss that beautiful backhand. And the gravitas. While everyone around her was trying to break into modelling or fashion design or acting, she was there for the tennis.

James Martin on Justine Henin’s retirement: “The WTA tour loves to promote its eye-candy but the real eye-candy for tennis aficionados has always been Henin’s smooth and stylish game. On a tour dominated by monotonous power tennis, Henin showed there was still a place for volleys rather than swing volleys, and slice backhands rather than two-handed drives. Amelie Mauresmo has a similarly beautiful, if less effectively powerful, game, but she is fading quickly and may not be too far from retirement herself. Martina Hingis, a cagey counter-puncher—gone. Ivanovic hits a clean ball that appeals to purists, yet she’s still in the mold of the “Big Babe Tennis” popularized by Jennifer Capriati and Monica Seles. Women’s tennis may have a surplus of pretty faces, but it’s just lost one of the prettiest games ever.“

Ayyy! Did you see Rafael Nadal’s feet when he was treated for blisters at the Rome Open? The pain! And yet he went on playing even if he had good reason to quit. That’s quality. He does not taint the opponent’s victory by claiming injury or illness–even when it’s obvious. (Remember Pete Sampras at the US Open, throwing up during the match against Corretja? Oh right, he won that one.) Unlike certain players: dust rising from clay causing breathing problems, ha! (Federer fans, I know what you’re thinking because I’m thinking the same thing but let’s not say anything until it comes to pass.)

Shouldn’t Rafa’s shoe sponsor Nike design footwear specifically for his requirements? He does more running and jumping than nearly everyone else, more sliding on clay. Obviously his feet need more cushioning and friction protection than most. Blister-proof socks? Then again Rafa himself pointed out that the tour schedule is insane.

Update. See? Just by saying “Don’t say it” you jinx it. Fortunately that’s not what I was thinking. The illogic of superstition, very Heisenberg. Is it possible to serve and volley to victory on clay? Can the fastest game win on the slowest court, can impatience win on the surface that requires patience? Radek Stepanek (wasn’t he engaged to Martina Hingis?) thinks so. In the 90s Patrick Rafter served and volleyed his way to the semis at the French. Then he lost to a grinder, Bruguera, and then Guga won the final. I miss Guga.

Tennis makes sense again today as Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal won their semifinal matches at the Monte Carlo Open. Rafa defeated Nikolay Davydenko, who beat him in the Miami final, 6-3, 6-2. Roger was well on the way to defeating Novak Djokovic, who beat him at the Australian Open. Then at 6-3, 3-2, after complaining of “breathing issues” and calling for a medical timeout, Djokovic…retired. Yes, retired. The world number 3, who pounds his chest when he wins, pleads “breathing issues” when he loses. Djokovic said he had not been feeling well these last few days–odd, he looked very healthy when he was winning. We’d be more sympathetic if he weren’t in the habit of quitting matches when he’s losing (He’s done this twice while playing Nadal). “Dizziness”? “Sore throat”? Maybe panic attacks? Chokeovich.

Hmm, another walkover win for The Fed. Third or fourth this season. New coaching arrangement with Jose Higueras seems to be working. Here’s The Fed telling the Djokovices to “Be quiet. . .okay?” in the tone of a nursery school teacher telling the kids to behave.

Update, 27 April. Rafa Nadal has defended his Monte Carlo title against The Fed, 7-5, 7-5. I like this comparison: The objective of the hard court player is to close in and make the court smaller; the clay courter’s is to make it bigger.

Roger Federer lost to world number 98 Mardy Fish in the semis at Indian Wells. No offence to Fish, who beat Davydenko and Nalbandian in the same tournament, but this just doesn’t happen. Not even with mononucleosis. Before that The Fed had breezed through his matches. The other semifinal pit Rafael Nadal against eventual winner Novak Djokovic. That’s two guys who make The Fed feel vulnerable. I suspect he did not want to play either of them, so he lost to Fish. I don’t think it’s fear or a lack of nerve. I suspect it’s a form of rebellion. (Or petulance. Basta. Ayoko.) The Fed is the best tennis player in history, but not the greatest competitor. Get a coach, Roger.

If the simplest explanation is probably the correct one (Except in the Philippines, where as Butch points out the most bizarre explanation is probably right), then the reason for—or at least a major factor in—Roger Federer’s two losses this year is mononucleosis.

With The Fed temporarily incapacitated, who will seize the moment: Nadal or Djokovic? Neither. The beneficiary of Roger’s absence is Andy Roddick, who beat them both en route to the Dubai final. Roddick’s game has serious flaws (human backboard), but he has the grace to acknowledge them. After beating Djokovic he said that sometimes he can play tennis and not just serve. Good work, Andy. And who ultimately benefits from the resurgence of Roddick? The Fed.