In a sweatshop somewhere, some guy burning mass quantities of DVDs is thinking up funky titles for those 50-peso 8-in-1 compilations. Recent additions to his oeuvre: “Beautiful Woman In Big Mouth”, which makes perfect sense when you realize it is a collection of Julia Roberts movies. There’s “Unique Color Sensual Desire Cinema”—6 films by Pedro Almodovar, with 6 other flicks thrown in, including an adaptation of Justine by the Marquis De Sade (which reminds me of a classmate who tried to impress everyone by pronouncing it “Mar-quee de Shar-day” like the singer). A second disc of the same title contains 4 more Almodovars plus Cruel Intentions and Matador, which is the title of a movie by Almodovar, but is not the same movie by Almodovar (At least they did their research). Cinema is truly a global language: You look at the thumbnail of the poster of Femmes au bord de la crise de nerfs, and whether you speak French or not your moviegoing brain instantly translates it into Women on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Another collection with the fascinating title of “Frenzied Crime Member” contains Murmur of the Heart, Lacombe Lucien and Au revoir les enfants by Louis Malle, Hustle and Flow, Broken Flowers, Hilary and Jackie, some Hilary Swank flick, and Dog Day Afternoon. As a child I must have seen Dog Day Afternoon ten times—it was constantly showing on Channel 9, along with Deliverance (John Boorman), Straw Dogs (Sam Peckinpah), Take the Money and Run (Woody Allen), and Alice Doesn’t Live Here Anymore (Martin Scorsese). Very strange programming, coming right after The Waltons, and now that I think about it, possibly responsible for my fear of Attica, rednecks with ukuleles, rednecks who hate geeks, bad penmanship, and marriage.

A simple proposal from the former Umbrella Stand (in Tagalog, Payong Paninindigan), which has been renamed Bayang Magiliw (Charming Nation).

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Originally uploaded by Koosama.

Meanwhile Koosi stays above it all. The tops of all the shelves and cabinets are her territory, successfully defended from Mat’s invasions.

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Originally uploaded by Koosama.

You know that movie Memento where Guy Pearce suffers a head trauma that prevents his mind from forming new memories, and he has to take Polaroids and write Post-It notes (or tattoo himself) because he forgets everything in 15 minutes? I think my cat Mat (the fat white one on the left) has the same problem. When we get up in the morning he has his breakfast, then he forgets he’s already eaten and meows at me that he’s hungry. I remind him that he’s had breakfast, so he runs back to his bowl to check. Then he runs back to me with his Feed-the-poor-wittle-cat stare, which doesn’t really work because he’s beginning to look like a small polar bear. This goes on for the rest of the day. Saffy (the tricolor on the right) thinks he’s bonkers and occasionally swats him away from the feeding dish.

Speaking of Melanie Garcia Marquez, it was recently pointed out to me that—

Wait, let me start at the beginning. One of my favorite humans on earth is Jay-Lo. In my biopic he will be played by the young Claudia Cardinale. A few days ago, I was alerted to a disturbing bit of information from Jay’s past. My mind reeled so fast that it took a triple marocchino to get my head back on its axis; at the same time, given what I know of Jay’s professional history, it was not that surprising. How could I not have known? But Jay himself confirmed it, and now I must reveal that—

Jay-Lo discovered Melanie Garcia Marquez.

In the late 1970s, when the Bee Gees ruled with their disco falsettos, Jay worked in the atelier of couturier Rene Salud. One day, on a JD Transit bus, Jay spotted a very tall and striking young woman. After watching her for a few minutes, he went up to her and introduced himself. She said her name was Mimilanie. He asked her if she’d done any modeling, and she said yes. So he introduced her to Rene Salud, and you know the rest.

My question is, has Jay participated in a misdemeanor against humanity, or has he helped advance the cause of metalinguistics and the cognitive sciences?

Turns out that he wasn’t the only one at dinner who’d worked with Ms. Marquez. Riccardo had done a photo shoot with her (Will everyone please stop saying “pictorial”). She name-dropped Gianni Ver-se-cha. Later, someone walked past them in a D&G T-shirt. “I like his shirt,” she declared, “DAG.”

Cecile’s friends used to ring Ms. Marquez’s house just to hear this recorded message on her answering machine. “You have reached (number),” she intoned. “I can’t come to the phone right now, but if you leave your name. . .” and so on. Then a little boy’s voice piped up, “I love you, Mommy.” And she replied, “I love you too, Manolito.”

Her fabulosity knows no bounds.