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“You’re watching a stage play. A banquet is in progress. The guests are enjoying an appetizer of raw oysters. The entree consists of boiled dog.”

Are you a replicant? Emotional Weather Report, today in the Star.

Saw 300 with Steph and Dorski. We’re the last three people on earth not to have seen Grey’s Anatomy, but always first in line for sword battle movies.

1. It IS a comic book: the ultimate fanboy wet dream. Visually impressive, storyboard is by Frank Miller and Lynn Varley.
2. Is it Gerald or Gerard?
3. Half the movie is in slow motion, including scenes that don’t require slow motion. (She’s scooping water…meaningfully.) Approximates page-turning speed.
4. And you thought gladiator movies were gay.
5. Remember that scene in Gladiator where Maximus is walking in a field of wheat? Now you can see it from all angles!
6. The 300 Spartans are so insanely ripped, you don’t see their faces anymore, just their abs.
7. Trolls! Oliphaunts! Faramir! Wait, that’s a different movie.
8. The queen’s wardrobe: Versace as executed by the window dressers at Carolina’s.
9. Dominic West (McNulty in The Wire) looks like Stephen Boyd, star of camp classic The Oscar.
10. From out of nowhere Rodrigo Santoro (King Xerxes the Drag Queen) snatches the Bella Flores Eyebrow Acting trophy from Thandie Newton in The Chronicles of Riddick and Sheryl Cruz in the telenovela Bakekang.

Kong’s review of 300
Husband: Where are we eating?
Wife: At home.
Husband: Tonight we dine in hell!

Troll amulet vendor, originally uploaded by Koosama.

Sent in by a reader: a World of Warcraft screenshot featuring a tikbalang. The tikbalang is a creature from lower Philippine mythology. It has the head of a horse and the body of a man, like a centaur in reverse. If you encountered one in a forest, it would cause you to lose your way. Warning from Keisler: the troll amulet vendor’s stuff doesn’t work.

I’m reading My Last Sigh, the autobiography of Luis Buñuel, and among his recollections of making Un Chien andalou and The Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoisie, and of his friendships with Salvador Dali and Federico Garcia Lorca, is his recipe for a martini. I think we could all use one in this weather. It’s hot enough to frizz or straighten your hair, and with the constant barrage of political ads I expect people to run amok by the hour.

“The day before your guests arrive, put all the ingredients—glasses, gin, and shaker—in the refrigerator. Use a thermometer to make sure the ice is about twenty degrees below zero (centigrade). Don’t take anything out until your friends arrive; then pour a few drops of Noilly Prat and half a demitasse spoon of Angostura bitters over the ice. Shake it, then pour it out, keeping only the ice, which retains a faint taste of both. Then pour straight gin over the ice, shake it again, and serve.”

If you intend to copy this recipe (and there are many “copyists” out there), do acknowledge Buñuel.

Regarding the olive, Buñuel quotes a short poem by Garcia Lorca which he says was never published. (At least until it came out in his book.) For once, my 12 units of required college Spanish serve a useful purpose.

Cielo azul
Campo amarillo
Monte azul
Campo amarillo
Por la llanura desierta
Va caminando un olivo
Un solo
Olivo.

The copy of My Last Sigh came from the Lifetime Underachievement Awardee, who reminds me that it was written “with the help of” Jean-Claude Carriere, screenwriter on Discreet Charm, Belle du Jour, The Phantom of Liberty, and others.

“I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe
Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion
I’ve watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser Gate.
All those moments will be lost in time like tears in rain.”

In Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? the name is Roy Baty and this is his death scene.

“He shot Roy Baty; the big man’s corpse lashed about, toppled like an overstacked collection of separate, brittle entities; it smashed into the kitchen table and carried dishes and flatware down with it. Reflex circuits in the corpse made it twitch and flutter, but it had died…”

The wonders of film adaptation.

Old Movie House. Photo from Banahaw Text., originally uploaded by Koosama.

I’m looking for photographs of crumbling decrepit old movie theatres, exterior and interior shots, for Manila Envelope 3. The crumbier the better. I mean floors encrusted with decades of spilled drinks, food, barf, and you don’t want to know, rats gnawing on the seats, faded threadbare carpets glowing with fungi. Squalor! Sleaze! Post the link or email the photo to manila.envelope@gmail.com. Thanks.