Self-awareness and catatonia
I can’t bring myself to watch Spider-Man 3. It’s not like me, I usually catch movies on the first day so I can bitch about them the rest of the week. I had several chances to see the movie this past week, but couldn’t drag myself into the theatre. It’s not because some of my friends hated it—I have a contrarian nature so I’m actually inclined to like something more because it’s detested by others. When people say “This way”, I’ll want to go in the opposite direction, not necessarily because I like the opposite direction better but because I feel compelled to be disobedient. I think the reason I can’t watch it is because every single movie theatre in the city is showing Spider-Man, so I have no choice but to watch Spider-Man, which makes me resist watching Spider-Man because I hate being told what to do.
Which means you’ll have to review the movie. Post your short review (maximum 100 words) of Spider-Man 3 in the Comments section. If for some reason you can’t post in Comments (some readers have reported a problem), email the review to jessica.zafra@gmail.com. The one who posts the funniest review gets the shooting scripts of The Shawshank Redemption and The Truman Show. Deadline is Thursday, 12 noon Manila time.
Answers to questions you might be asking, unless you wandered onto this site purely by accident >>>
May 7th, 2007 at 22:20
It sucked, bigtime. Half way thru the flick, my kids got bored – including their attention-deficit mother.
I only liked part 3 mainly because of the man-bitch angle. Plus this time around, the super hero had an effort to be a fashionista. The black spidey costume and his all black 3 piece suit number were the saving grace of this flick.
But what’s with the good and evil hair? .
and was the black eyeliner necessary to emphasize evil?
i hope MJ gets killed in the next installment. Like really fall off from the tallest building and spidey would somehow run out of web in time to save her. Or better yet, getting impaled by the spire of another building.
NOW, that would be some interesting twist.
(126 words,disqualified, i know. but spideyman bashing is much fun)
May 7th, 2007 at 22:54
Spider-Man 3 should win the Academy Award for Best Cinematic Trailer. If they don’t give this award, they should. Here’s how they would present it:
“For outstanding achievement in piecing together footage from a crappy movie and convincing hordes of moviegoers that it is actually worth watching, the Academy Award for Best Cinematic Trailer goes to… Spider-Man 3!”
Like Stan Lee says, ’nuff said.
May 7th, 2007 at 23:15
Lemme try this..
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I wish The Fantastic 4 Team, Spiderman, Sarah Jessica Parker, and the whole cast of F.R.I.E.N.D.S and NYPD Blue would meet each other somewhere in Manhattan to save MJ Watson’s ass. That’d be so cool, right?
As it was with the first two movies, (and the comic books,) she was the cause of all dilemma and conflicts. But hey, without the slut, the movie wouldnt have made 2 hours and 30 minutes of film. It should’ve been titled “Damsel in Distress” or something to that effect. It’s all about her and the hell she brings to Peter Parker anyway.
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Worth a try. The shooting script of The Truman Show? I’d love to have it. :D
May 8th, 2007 at 01:30
I’m also probably one of the few people on earth who hadn’t seen this movie yet. It doesn’t help either that critics are rather lukewarm regarding their reception to this third installment.
May 8th, 2007 at 18:30
Attempted murder…
———————————————————
Spider Man 3– The best 3rd installment ever!! Better than Lord of the Rings return of the King!! (Heresy!?!)
The movie resembles a sCRAP book on prozaq; an opus woven by a disgruntled middle-aged comicbook fan. Is it just me, the sequences from previous installments were cramped horribly just to build the plot to introduce its newest villain–the grainy Sandman. Aside from this, the way the entire trilogy was packed in this movie reminds me of someone packing hastily to run away or take off without paying the bill. Then shouts– “its a wrap!!”
This is the only superhero movie I’ve seen where both the antagonists and protagonists have hang ups-either with father figures, rants, poverty and fame. Come’on buuhooo…
Tobey looked eccentric in black (EMO boy) but Super Inggo can act better, Kirsten looked like a flushed out maid of Mary Antoinette and the guy who played Harry looked liked James Dean but with a queer eyebrow. Look, look….no substance!!
Aside from the comicbook cliches and tacky monologues, what made me irked was the overemphasis that everybody loves a hero and concurrently everyone can be a hero— wait! do I hear every political cheering?!! Arrgh…
May 8th, 2007 at 21:38
Crap… I’m scheduled to see it Thursday… Crap… Crap x 92.
(If my spidey math skills are correct, that’d be 100 right? Is “I’m” technically one or two words?… hmmmm)
May 8th, 2007 at 21:41
Spiderman 3: Somebody just took a piece of Boracay to New York City.
May 8th, 2007 at 21:50
Spanning more than two hours, Spider-man 3 captures the viewers’ unrestrained attention with its aerial fight scenes and what-not. The downside(s): the annoying love triangle, sucky personal issues, and the main characters themselves.
One unforgettable line, though: “That’s not what I hired you for!†shouts the newspaper editor when he sees his secretary flirting with Peter Parker. The perpetually agitated editor, I swear, was the only one who has stirred the whole cinema, and that is solely with his human jest.
Not Peter Parker or Spider-man. Not even when he turned Black, which is basically what’s the movie all about.
May 9th, 2007 at 10:34
Some notes on Spider-Man 3:
1) There was more chemistry between Peter Parker and Harry Osborn than there is between Peter Parker and MJ. Hmmm.
2) Kirsten Dunst as MJ had a laudable performance. For a while I thought I was watching my ex. I cringed in my seat the moment she turned paranoid, insecure and a pain in the ass.
3) King Kong vs. Sandstorm? Possible. There’s already Predator vs. Alien and Freddie vs. Jason.
4) What are New Yorkers on in this movie? They’ve turned into a happy bunch of people, always cheering and smiling.
5) In one scene, a huge American flag briefly served as background for Spidey. I guess it’s in keeping with the Department of State guidlines for Hollywood films. Imperialist undertones in every American movie to be shown abroad, check.
Verdict: the movie posters did a really good job.
May 9th, 2007 at 20:44
*The butler knew all along.
*Bangs make people evil.
*There are too many issues to deal with.
*There was too little time for writers to sort those issues out.
Eddie Brock had super eyesight long before he became a super villain.
*MJ was a high-profile victim for the third time and all the TV news station could do was refer to her as “a certain Mary Jane Watson.” Poor research department?
*Gwen Stacy is blonde, intelligent, part-time model, part-time damsel in distress rescued by Spiderman and the daughter of New York City’s police chief. Alpha female overkill.
*No one could decide if Sandman was villain or hero.
*And the butler knew all along. Why the frig did he tell his Master Harry the truth only long after the latter had nurtured revenge and hatred in his heart and engaged in a schoolyard-type fight with evil-Peter-with-bangs that turned half his face into melted wax?
There. Your reasons not to watch the movie.
May 9th, 2007 at 23:27
There were moments that I went “Whoah!” and there were moments that I cringed and went “I hope he got a lot of money for this because when he sees this years from now, he’s going to slap his forehead and kick himself for ever doing this movie “.
I loved the jazz dancing scene but that totally ruined his credibility. From now on, when I see a spiderman costumer, I’ll have expect him to sashay and snap his hands.
Spidey 3 is too emotional for me. It’s a page straight from a Filipino movie script. I have a feeling that it was Bb. Joyce Bernal who directed this. (Direk! Di mo man lamang akong kinuhang extra?) It’s as cheesy as Ghost Rider.
Tsaka ganun pala yun. Pag mabait kang tao, naka brush up ang hair mo. Pag evil ka, may bangs ka.
Maliit masyado noo ko. Paano ako mag ba-bangs?
May 9th, 2007 at 23:29
SPOILED! Flint escapes jail, falls into sandpit,
becomes Sandman. MJ opens badly on Broadway, goes back
to waitress-ing. New Goblin attacks Spider-Man, gets
amnesia. Spider-Man saves Gwen, gets a medal and a
kiss. Jealous MJ is driven to cooking with Harry.
Symbiote snags Spidey. Peter blows Eddie’s
career-turning Photoshop tricks. Eddie prays for
Spider-Man’s death. Spider-Man goes batty in the
belfry shaking off symbiote – which falls on Eddie,
Venom is created. Butler explains everything to Harry.
Harry helps Spider-man beat villains and save MJ.
Harry dies, MJ cries, Tobby Maguire is at his fattest.
Sally Field directs.
May 9th, 2007 at 23:31
I couldn’t help but wonder if Sam Raimi really directed Spider-Man 3. Are they really sure that Joel Schumacher didn’t direct this awful movie? It was so similar to the previous campy Batman movies. No wonder it made a lot of money, it’s part of the awful movies cult followers watch over and over again.
Just like any Schumacher movie, the visuals are awesome but the dialogue is cheesy. One line even made me spit soda out of my mouth. It’s when Harry’s butler says “I loved your fatherâ€. Not that’s what you call cheesy.
May 9th, 2007 at 23:33
Who cares about the great effects or the flimsy plot (Sandman and Venom). What I feel is more important in a movie is the spirit of love – onscreen chemistry. No, I’m not talking about MJ and Peter nor MJ and Harry; I’m talking about Harry and Peter.
Need Proof?
1. Whenever Peter looks at Harry, he positively beams.
2. Didn’t it strike you as strange that Peter had to convince Harry to go and save MJ?
3. When Harry died, who cried genuinely and mourned him the most?
So sweet. It was almost worth bearing watching Peters new emo look.
May 10th, 2007 at 12:21
Spider-man 3 is a three-in-one extravanza with action scenes inserted.
Starts as a sappy TV soap (think “Grey’s Anatomy- the Movieâ€), the main relationship degenerates (even though they really, really luurve each other) because of poor communication.
Middle suddenly morphs into a musical (think “Chicagoâ€). Jazz dancing as a tool for revenge. Black eyeliner, bangs, and sharp black suits symbolize slide towards evil (as opposed to actual acting).
The end becomes “Batman and Robinâ€, complete with homoerotic yearning and a butler who knows everything. MJ is used as bait (again). Instead of Kirsten. they should have cast a giant worm
May 14th, 2007 at 20:32
i’m a Marvel fan from way back when. i’m talking 60s. but after all the underwhelming Hulk, X-Men and Spiderman 2 versions, i’ve sworn off all Marvel movies. Steered clear of all the sequels and trailer-pa-lang-you-know-it’s-going-to-suck-majorly Fantastic 4 and Nicholas Cage on a flaming bike. I know it’s going to keep me out of the loop and my demographic ratings are going to slip down 0.117 notches but that’s the price I guess I’ll have to pay. Ugly stuff. Ugly!