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More movies with tennis (Rohmer, anyone?), plus a pitch to Michael Bay, in today’s Emotional Weather Report in the Star.

(Ang bato!) The correct answer to ‘Who said that?’ is. . .Vilma Santos, ‘Star for All Seasons’ and newly-elected governor of Batangas. That was her answer when asked to comment on Nora Aunor’s alleged marriage to another woman. Antares gets the prize for answering first.

On the question of Nora vs Vilma, I’ve always been a Vilmanian. I got my hair pulled for it when I was 4, because my yaya was a Noranian. However I did not report this child abuse to my parents, because I found that I could make my yaya cry any time I wanted, simply by insulting Nora. She took her movie star preferences so much more personally than I did. My favorite Vilma Santos movies are Relasyon, Haplos, Sister Stella L, Pagputi ng Uwak, Pag-itim ng Tagak (which she also produced—I saw in on TV as a kid and remember only fragments, but I liked it), and Burlesk Queen. These last two were directed by Celso Ad. Castillo, who made both works of genius and trash.

I saw Burlesk Queen a year or two ago on the Viva cable channel. It’s brilliant, and I’m glad to try out this adjective: Felliniesque. Friends who saw it in its integral form note how Castillo was a master at having so much going on at the same time. Unfortunately the version shown on the Viva channel was heavily truncated, the sound was barely audible, and the climactic dance sequence of which I’d heard so much had been cut out altogether. I remember that there was a huge controversy over Burlesk Queen—it swept the awards at the Metro Manila Filmfest, then the awards were recalled. Does anyone know if a good print exists?

Sometimes my dvd of Viridiana by Luis Buñuel plays perfectly. Other times the same player doesn’t recognize it as a dvd.

That recent loss may have shocked Roger Federer out of his seeming stupor. The Fed defeated Rafael Nadal at the Hamburg final, ending The Nads’ 81-match streak on clay. It looked like Roger was doomed to fall on clay again, but at 2-6 he suddenly and literally roared back to life.  That’s how to beat Rafa on clay: take the ball early, play aggressively, and yell. Why should Nadal get to do all the shouting? Sing if you have to.

On to Roland Garros.

There’s a Kurt Vonnegut story set in a future society where true equality is enforced by handicapping the gifted. Everyone is required to have the same level of ability in everything, so dancers have heavy weights attached to their ankles to make them less graceful, and the beautiful must wear masks. The intelligent have to wear a contraption that causes an explosion to go off in their heads at regular intervals, interrupting their thought processes.

This is the guiding principle of Pirates of the Caribbean 3, in which something explodes every 3 to 5 minutes, preventing coherent thought in the viewer. You can’t finish asking why the plot suddenly veered that way, what the hell they’re talking about, and wasn’t that fellowship/scary elf-queen stuff in The Lord of the Rings? You forget the question even before you’ve finished asking it! In fact you can’t remember enough of the story to review it, which is just the way Disney and Bruckheimer like it. After all, the movies are based on a theme park ride, and they are true to their source, i.e. thrilling and pointless.

I did enjoy seeing Keith Richard, though. His continued existence is a slap to the medical profession. If your doctor advises you to give up something you love “for your health”, the best retort is, “But Keith Richard. . .” You can’t tell a guy in his 60s to quit taking drugs, he’s old. Then again he’s a guitar demon, so he probably has some kind of pact with the devil.

 What famous person said this recently?

“Alam mo naman: damaged you do, damaged you don’t.”

First person to post the correct answer in Comments gets a hardcover, veryvery slightly-read copy of The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion.