JessicaRulestheUniverse.com

Last year at Wimbledon, Roger Federer turned up for his matches wearing this cream blazer with his monogram—a very nice retro touch. For his first match at the All-England this year, he ambled onto the court in a white blazer, white V-necked sweater, and white trousers. Did he intend to play in long pants? Would he take the pants off courtside? He’d have to remove his shoes first, which would be too fussy. Would the ballboys have to hold up towels the way they do when players change shorts? The solution was brilliant in its simplicity: stripper pants! The trousers have buttons/velcro on the sides, so he can just tear them off. And look, a matching (enormous) handbag! This made me happy.

Federer’s third round opponent: Marat Safin, my precious, who was demoted to Court 18 for complaining about the prices at the players’ restaurant.”For a plate of pasta, it’s costing around £10, right? For £10, which is $20, you can have a great pasta at Cipriani in New York,” Safin said. “Everybody knows this restaurant. I think it’s one of the best restaurants in New York. In Moscow, in one of the most expensive restaurants, we have better pasta for 20 bucks, that’s for sure.” (from the Guardian) To recap Marat’s litany: He hates Wimbledon, he hates the grass, he hates the food especially the pasta, he hates himself.

Update: Marat loses to the Fed, but launches new career as revolutionary.