JessicaRulestheUniverse.com

Years ago I heard about a teenager who invented an excellent excuse to miss school for a day: he claimed that he was possessed by devils. He didn’t even have to say “I’m possessed”, he just started thrashing about, goggling his eyes, spitting, and speaking gibberish in a low, scary voice—behavior he copied from the movie The Exorcist. So his parents concluded that demons had taken over their son, and summoned a priest. (Were they going to write him a note saying, “Dear Teacher, Please excuse our son’s absence from school yesterday as he was under the control of demons?”)

Conveniently for the kid, the priest was a foreigner who did not speak Tagalog, so he couldn’t negotiate with the alleged evil occupant. Unfortunately, that kind of intense overacting is exhausting work, and after a couple of hours the kid slipped and answered a question in his own voice. So he was busted.

I wonder if that would work as an excuse to take the day off from the office. That’s if your co-workers don’t already assume that you’re a foul spawn of hell. Here’s another possible excuse: Cotard’s Syndrome. It’s an actual neurological condition. People with Cotard’s believe that they are dead. There’s a documented case of a woman who insisted on being dressed in a shroud and placed in a coffin. She demanded to be buried, and no amount of argument (such as the fact that she was participating in an argument) could convince her that she was alive. She just lay in her coffin, and several weeks later reality matched up with her conviction. She died. Yup, try citing Cotard’s when you file for sick leave.