Cabbie Monologues 1
Translated by me, the captive audience in the taxi
“See that billboard? Is that (well-known showbiz personality we probably shouldn’t name)? I used to work for her. I was her driver for a year. Balasubas yan. No, I got paid alright, but the yelling and cursing! She would scream and cuss at me. In front of other people. Celebrities! (He proceeds to name all the famous people who witnessed his being berated by famous employer. Public humiliation is bad enough, but to be humiliated in front of celebrities!) She would call me to bring the car around and if I wasn’t there in five minutes she would scream like a madwoman. What if there was heavy traffic?! You know, her boobs are fake. They’re made of silicone. And her legs are ugly, they’re veiny. She’s big now but her fame won’t last because she’s not nice. You never heard such cursing! And from someone with an education! Well, not really. She’s a college undergraduate! (The horror!) I saw her resumé when she enrolled her kid in school. (You have to present your resumé to your kid’s school?! I’ve heard that you have to show your marriage certificate to prove that your child is legitimate, and that many Catholic schools don’t accept the children of single/separated/divorced parents—so much for kindness, charity, etc—but now they have to see your CV?! “We regret that we cannot accept your child as a student. You lack twelve units of Serbo-Croat, your background in Uzbek literature is a little sketchy, and since your masteral thesis disproving the Yang-Mills equation is incomplete, you do not have the necessary qualifications to be a parent at our school.”) Mark my words, her career won’t last. She bought this house and lot for over 20 million pesos, but that’s going to burn. (Was that a threat of arson? Should I have written down his name and license number?) The old stars, they were good to their staff. Dolphy, Susan Roces, Nova Villa. . .Yeah, I’ve been driving a cab for a long time, and sometimes I work as a private driver. I worked in the Middle East, too. I was a heavy equipment operator. Now the pay in the Middle East is too low. The Indians, Pakistanis, and Bangladeshis were accepting less pay, so the salaries went down. Ay, heavy traffic. It’s because there’s classes today.”
Answers to questions you might be asking, unless you wandered onto this site purely by accident >>>
August 10th, 2007 at 17:34
Funny how sometimes even the most uneventful of commonplace routines could turn into a geyser of juicy bits of info – recyclable scoops which are fodder for those other uneventful routines we also have to endure, say, waiting for your turn at a drinking fountain, or getting wedged in between two star-struck fans, and falling in a long queue of groupies, the works.
I was tempted to actually name the celebrity but since you’re not up to it yet, I will keep it to myself or, hmm, I might just track down that cab driver for more juicy details.
Topping my list of cabbie monologues would be this : “Jesus-Marilyn-Joseph! That [sex symbol in the 80’s who made a successful comeback as a soap-opera character actress] was a real slut. She would give a head to her kept-boy at a drop of a hat inside my cab. One time she left her undies. Aye, I almost lost my wife because of that when she found out about it.â€
August 10th, 2007 at 22:53
you don’t drive, jessica?
August 13th, 2007 at 05:40
pinoy talaga, no? they share sometimes their life story to a person they meet in a few minutes, it’s ok though, matatawa ka lang.Gosh, imagine how many times they have to repeat their story everytime they pick up passengers. It’s entertaining though.Yan ang Pinoy!!!
August 13th, 2007 at 11:17
Hmmm…this made me really, really curious.
Jessica, I know your blog isn’t about showbiz, and you are not an entertainment reporter [though you do entertain me ;) ] so there’s just no way you’re going to write a blind item…BUT, I’m really terribly curious, so can you please give us hints on who this celebrity is? Pleeeaaase??? Sige na po.
River, can you help me with this one? And who’s that celebrity slut? If these names came from you, you wouldn’t get into trouble naman e. Sige na.
August 13th, 2007 at 16:26
i took a cab in libis once and when we were passing through katipunan, i suddenly heard bells ringing (like those from it’s a wonderful life when an angel gets its wings). as the cab didnt have any radio, i was wondering where the sound came from so i asked the driver, “manong, bakit parang may bells na tumutunog?” he answered: “baka nasa langit ka na.” waaah! freaky
August 14th, 2007 at 22:04
rotfl! that really made me laugh, 123. ^_^
August 15th, 2007 at 11:02
That was so MTV, 123! ROFL! Way to go!
August 16th, 2007 at 16:15
a taxi driver once told me in a very casual way where to pick up college girls for 1000 bucks. he emphasized these girls would go all the way… yeah!!!
August 11th, 2008 at 23:24
I took a cab a few weeks ago and i mentioned to the driver (who seemed nice enough initially) that I was actually looking for a family driver for my kid daughter; he then proceeded to offer himself for the job, he started to sell himself by saying that he was a family driver for a long time for this caucasian who lived in a makati village (so far so good); that the caucasian was unfortunately very demanding and would require him to maintain ungodly hours on the job (hmm); that his employer would sometimes forget to feed him or let him catch some rest (!); and one fateful day (after being asked to be on call for 24hrs non stop w/ very little food or sleep), in his pent up rage, he intentionally rammed the guy’s Benz into another vehicle….