JessicaRulestheUniverse.com

I don’t watch TV at home—I don’t need the 24-hour news networks to remind me that the world’s going to hell in a handbasket. There’s nothing like being extremely up to date on current events to make one feel powerless. If the news is really vital, someone will text it to me. Like, “The good news is, the ransom for Ces Drilon has been paid and she will be freed. The bad news is, the 10M will be passed on to Meralco consumers as a systems loss charge.” I’m happy Ces is free; I’m not happy that politicians are using her release for their tawdry propaganda.

When I’m not at home I watch the BBC. Taliban prison break, massive flooding in Iowa, the energy crisis, the food crisis, Mozambicans setting themselves on fire in South Africa—talk about feeling powerless. Yeah, I know reducing my carbon footprint will help in the long run, but that makes me feel virtuous, not powerful. I can’t even yell, “Hey Luca, the goal is over there!”

The Hong Kong news post-flood is about the fear of a bird flu outbreak. HK magazine ran a hilarious piece called 28 Chickens Later. “Day 17: Faced with a dearth of safe eateries, people flock to fast food outlets in the conviction that whatever they’re serving, it can’t be chicken.”

One rainy afternoon I thought I’d go to the Peninsula for tea. On the sidewalk outside the hotel, I saw a dead bird, its wings outstretched. Maybe it wasn’t dead, just tired out after a long squawk or pining for the fjords. Maybe it crashed into a building. Maybe a cat jumped it. But the first thought that popped into my head was “Bird flu!” and I walked away very fast.

Bonus question: Some historians believe that Alexander the Great was stricken with West Nile virus or malaria, poisoned by enemies, or unwittingly made to OD by his own physicians. But the histories say that just before Alexander became fatally ill, he saw birds falling out of the sky in great numbers. Any chance it was bird flu that got him?