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Painting: Edward Hopper’s “New York Movie”

 
At last! After six weeks of nothing to watch, a lot of new movies have opened in Manila theatres.

Tropic Thunder. Hilarious spoof of the Hollywood movie industry, particularly its obsession with “authenticity”; it’s like The Making of Apocalypse Now as a comedy. Ben Stiller does an Orson Welles, co-writing, directing, co-producing and starring as Tugg Speedman, an action star on the brink of has-beenhood. Like his most famous character Zoolander, Stiller’s acting ranges from Blue Steel to Magnum; good decision to cast himself as a bad actor. Jack Black’s role is sadly underwritten, but Robert Downey Jr goes to town as Kirk Lazarus, “five-time Academy Award winner”—his impression of Russell Crowe is so accurate, I want to see Gladiator remade with Downey.

Tom Cruise as a bald, fat, profanity-spouting studio executive proves once again that he’s got talent—at playing assholes (see Magnolia). Ever wonder why women love Matthew McConnaughey? His unfunny turn as an agent will make you wonder some more. Pay attention to the fake trailers at the beginning of the movie, especially the medieval Brokeback Mountain drama starring Kirk Lazarus and Tobey Maguire.  

Tropic Thunder incurred the ire of the PC police with its use of blackface (Lazarus has a pigment-altering procedure in order to play a black man) and the word “retard” (Lazarus explains to Tugg that in order to bag an Oscar, “You don’t go full retard”, viz. Rainman and Forrest Gump). There were no PC police or diagnosed learning disabilities when I was in grade school: if you did poorly and were clearly not lazy, you were just “slow”. 

Body of Lies. Ridley Scott’s thoughtful, complicated take on America’s war on terror stars Leonardo DiCaprio as a CIA operative in the Middle East and Russell Crowe as his Langley-based boss. The movie is critical of American foreign policy, noting that they rely too heavily on technology at the expense of human intelligence on the ground. They think they see the big picture, but they miss the vital details. Leo does well, but he really should get a voicebox transplant; Crowe is so relaxed, I’m beginning to sense laziness (Let’s reshoot it with Robert Downey Jr!) Mark Strong appears as the urbane Jordanian chief of intelligence and steals the movie from right under their megastar noses. Noel tells me this movie was trounced at the US box-office by the chihuahua movie, which tells you about America’s mindset at the moment.   

Max Payne. Mark Wahlberg glowers through this revenge action drama in a turtleneck sweater and leather coat as a New York police detective who’s been looking for his family’s killers for three years. Mila Kunis is a Russian badass with underworld connections, Ludacris is an internal affairs investigator, and Chris O’Donnell—he’s still around. There’s a lot of supernatural stuff involving Valkyries and Norse mythology which the filmmakers are smart enough not to take too literally. The action scenes are corny—the slow-motion back-flip while firing a shotgun—and the voice in my head kept going, “Come on, Mark, take something off”, but the movie’s not bad especially if you like shooting things.   

The Strangers. Like a snuff film without the sex: you just watch people getting stalked and killed. The knives were unnecessary, since the victims could’ve been bored to death. Porn at least has some redeeming value. 

 

Pineapple Express. Best Picture of the Week! Almost as good as Superbad!

Appaloosa. May be too loose and meandering for most viewers, and we’ve ridden through them thar hills before in scores of westerns (not that I’ve seen scores of westerns), but I would pay to watch Viggo Mortensen and Ed Harris cross the street, so I’m happy.